pman

Today I feel overwhelmed! I am dealing with my dad's estate. I don't know where to start. He set up everything with a lawyer before he passed. My brother is in another state. I am trying to liquidate everything and get things in order. I also have to take care of me. I still feel like I have not had a break for over 10 months and am a human doing vs being! Baby steps seem impossible. I want to chip away at the mountain but that seems impossible too. I just feel stressed!

The responses I got were extremely helpful. Yesterday was my first day I felt some degree of normalcy. It was great! I still feel stressed about lots of things (especially the estate). My patience level on most subjects last for about half a second. My girlfriend of 3 years and change hates being around me. She moved in about 5 months ago and can't stand being in the same house with me. I don't blame her! Her father passed from cancer in 91 and my situation brought back a lot of feelings that she harbored. I have been told that I have become different for the worse. I try to pause, remember to pause when aggitated but at times it's hard. Time takes time I guess. Yesterday was great! I hope I can have another one soon.

I thank you for your support. I have had some bad days and good days since I put this on the web. In addition, I find myself becoming hypersensitive to being around hospitals, hearing about sickness, cancer, and so on. In the past 1 month, in addition to my father I have known about 5 other people through connections that have had people die due to cancer. My stomache is in knots and it feels like an acid manufacturer. My girfriend lost her father when she was nine, due to cancer. She lost her favorite uncle last week due to his lifestyle choices. She hates being around me, being at our home and has made statements that I have been a different person for the past 8 months while tending to my father. Well "that's a no brainer". I am not the easiest person to be around. We have had 4 major fights in the last month. I can't take it. Being around her stresses me out and me the same. I am confused. I need to take care of myself and be emotionally available for my girlfriend. I just don't know how, when, where, or what to do! I am lost. I can't relax, and am waiting for counseling.

Thank you for the reply. I have learning that there is no magic time line number. I am very impatient all the time. I want to do the right thing. Stepping back is hard sometimes. I have been told there is a great deal of hope! That's the good news. Even though it may seem difficult to believe. I have a lot of hope for happiness. It's gonna take work.

Well, I am 37, I live in the Phx. I moved here 4 years ago to be closer to my dad. I wanted to be close to him and be around the other 50% of family I have. Last Dec he was diagnosed with severe cancer. He underplayed the whole thing. I was appointed total Med POA over him and learned the truth from his oncologist. The last 2 months were hell. I spoke to doctors, med staff, clinical study orgs, worked a stressful outside sales job, got into fights with my girlfriend, and the list goes on. The other 50% of my family, my brother, lives out of state, was here during the dire times and now has taken an active role helping sort things out via phone/cmptr. My situation is I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP/SAD/TRAPPED/SEVERELY STRESSED DUE TO JOB AND ECONOMY/UNMOTIVATED/DEPRESSED/ANGRY/(ADD YOUR OWN NEGATIVE EMOTION HERE...) I hope this is normal. I talk to people who have gone through similar situations. My dad didn't smoke or drink accessively. I feel angry, and that he had been cheated-he was a young man. On the converse, I have no control and I guess that's the way it goes. I have many choices....The choice I have opt'd for is to be happy! I just don't know how to start. I really take no joy in anything. At work, on a sales call, I have to put on my Fake smiley face and arise to the occasion. I helped my dad for 8 months before the day he passed. I spent the night at the hospice that he died. I tell myself to take a vacation by myself....but then again...I would be with me. Not the best company! So far, I have enrolled in grief counseling, I have always exercised, eat well, am in the best shape of my life, try to do things to take my mind off negative feelings. Some days are better than others. Some are horrible. I still have a house, a house full of stuff, my job, girlfriend, and so much stuff to deal with. Just thinking about dealing with it makes me feel someway negative. I wish 1 year could go by at the snap of a finger. I am frustrated and full of fear.