Bebekat

Hey Dusky, I saw "Things We Lost in the Fire" and was surprised at how good it was. I couldn't stop crying (that's a good thing). I especially loved the part when she couldn't sleep so she had him just hold her. I saw it when it first came out on video. I think I would like to see it again. Thanks John!

I wanted to put out there that if anyone wants to go but doesn't have a ride, I would be glad to pick you up. I live in Central Phx but don't mind driving a little. I have a friend from work that might come with me. I'll try to check the board more often in case anyone needs a ride.

April 12 is the only Sat I have available that month. Maybe we could figure something for then? Let me know. Kathy

I have to work on March 22. The other Saturdays are open for me.

Patti, Jan did tell me about your promotion! Congrats girl!! Tori, All of the places you mentioned are really close to my house. I'm open to meeting just about anywhere. My work schedule changes from week to week, so I would have to plan. I would also hope it would be more than the three of us, but I know it is a big step to take. There might be some places in Avondale. Tori would just have to take Indian School, no freeways involved, or I could pick you up. (I am not a psycho, ask Patti)

Hey Patti, Missed you at lunch today. You know I'm open for meeting up with others. Hope some new people respond to your invitation. Tori, I'm in west central Phx also.

This time of year is always hard. I want to wish all of you a happy new year. As this is my 3rd new year alone, it is a hard road to travel. I wish you all peace.

Walt, I hope your anniversary was filled with many happy memories.

You are NOT going crazy, although it might seem like it at times. What you are going through is perfectly normal. Please feel free to post here often. Sometimes it just helps to get it off your chest. Other times it helps to read what others post. You are not alone. We "get it" here. Try to be kind to yourself; get rest and sleep. And just keep taking those "baby steps" I don't post very often, but I do try to at least read the daily posts.

Dusky, It's hard to believe that two years have gone by. Yet, at the same time it was ages ago. Walt, Missingcharlie, and Dusky, we are all at about the same timeline. It has been a long and bittersweet journey so far. Dusky, you have been such an inspiration to us all. Keep writing. Enjoy your memories.

What a wonderful picture! A handsome man indeed! Someday I hope to post one of my Tom. Thanks!

John, I don't write often. I read and every time your posts bring warmth to my heart. You are able to put into words so many of the feelings I myself have. It is good to hear from you. I wish you well on this long journey. I just passed the 2 year mark since Tom left. Really, it does get better. But also, just when you think you have it under control, it jumps up and slaps you again.

Walt, I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope you can find some joy in your memories.

AnnieO, I don't have the same experience as you. With Tom, we held on to hope until the last week. We decided on hospice at home and he died within a week. He didn't suffer any dementia, so he made all the choices to the end. He was able to maintain his dignity. It was the right thing for us. I feel you should go with your dad's wishes as long as possible, even though you may know the outcome. You should also strive to keep him as comfortable as possible. Hospice can come in at any time with little notice. Only you can know the right choice to make. Yes, you may have to make the choice to stop treatment when he can no longer choose for himself. My prayers are with you in this very hard decision.

kayc, O how I can to relate to you. I, too, am comming up on two years. In fact, one month from today will be my second sad-anniversary. Lately I also wonder if it wasn't a dream. But then, I realize that if it was a dream, I should have woken up by now. I don't know how I do it , but I get up and go through my daily routines. And then I have a day when I don't cry, so I cry because it makes me fear that I must be forgetting. I dont't know how we do it. We get knocked down with grief and just pick ourselves up again, and again, and again....... Kathy

Walt, We are just about the same time line. My second anniversary is just a little over a month away. I know he's never coming back, yet there is some little part of me that would just love to believe that Tom's death was all a bad dream. And then I come to my senses. It is so hard. How could I ever forget? Keep your memories and love alive.

Walleye, What your mother is going through is perfectly normal. You say that your dad died in Oct '06. That is really not that long ago. My husband died almost 21 months ago and I still have bad days. Perhaps counseling will help her, only she will know. We each handle grief differently and visiting his grave each day is not an addiction, it's a necessity to her. The main thing to remember is it will take time, maybe lots of time. Some people take years even with counseling. Just be gentle with her and don't expect her to "get over it". After all, she was with your dad for 53 years. She needs to know that all these feelings and emotions are normal and that you will be there for her if and when she needs it.

I'm sorry for your Dad. Hospice was a wonderful thing to have in our home for Tom's last week. I was not at the bedside at the exact momet when he passed, but those days we had were so precious. I can't thank Hospice of the Valley enough for that. I hope you will find peace with your Dad's decision.

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.

Lori, You should do what YOU feel like doing. What is best for you. Do not feel obligated to go to the work Christmas party, even if you said you would. Last year was my first without Tom and I did not go to the Christmas party. It is such a hard time of year. There are a lot of things that you probably will not feel like doing right now. Don't be so hard on yourself. And believe it or not, it will get better. Not all at once, not even so you will notice. But, slowly, you can look back and see how much it has gotten better. Don't ever expect to get over the loss, just get through the day. And if the medication helps, take it.

Happy Birthday Patti! I know how much you miss Charlie. Remember the good birthdays you had with him.

Last year I wouldn't have done Christmas if it hadn't been for my boys. With my younger son away at school, I was alone. I came home from work one day and my older son had come over and pulled all the decorations out of the storage room. My younger son arrived home two days before Christmas and finished the decorating. I was a basket case. We decided that we needed a few new traditions, for instance, it was the first year we've had an artificial tree. I also did not bake all the usual cookies and goodies, the boys just picked their favorites for me to bake. Maybe you can start some new traditions with your kids. It won't replace the old ones, but it may make things a little more bearable. It will be hard....but remember, we are here for you.

Laurie, The holidays are so hard. This is the second holiday season without my husband. I know you don't want to hear or believe, but it does get better. I still miss him so much, but I now save my tears for when I'm alone. It's hard around the family, they just don't know what to say. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

I also attended the Hospice of the Valley memorial ceremony with my older son. It was indeed a truly beautiful thing. There were sooo many pictures. And did you notice the hush of the crowd during the picture presentation, aside from the sniffles that is. It was great to see my husband's beautiful smile flash across the screen. They were so wonderful to me and Tom, I can never thank them enough. They helped him have the death with dignity he deserved. I'm hoping that by next year I will be ready to do some volunteer work for them. As John said "They are all angels living among us."

Congratulations kayc!! Go get um girl! I'm so happy for you!!