CORINA

Fiona, I am so sorry for your loss...it's truly unbearable, but it is even less understandable when death comes to someone so young. I lost my husband and best friend Jeff, in August of 2003, and this year is the year it has really hit me hard. You are numb right now, I believe we just keep ourselves busy with whatever fills our mind at the moment. Our children, our jobs, the normal day to day tasks that keep us absorbed in our daily lives. It seems to me that grief comes in waves and at it's own opportune moments. I have talked to others who have said that it sometimes took them years later to grieve someone they lost. At any rate, it is our grief...it comes when it comes...and we deal with it at those moments. I believe it took me so long because my husband suffered with cancer, and for a long time, I was just thankful that he was no longer in pain...then little things happened...our daughter gave us our first grandchild, my older son moved away, my youngest son just turned 18...and all these events took place without Jeff. It was then that my grief began to come in uncontrollable waves. Sometimes it was so overwhelming, that like you, someone would have to physically help me out. There is no explanation or guidebook to how we feel or grieve or act...I say you will experience as it comes. It sounds like you have a great support system, your son, friends, and family. Keep them close, let your heart feel what it needs to when it needs to, cherish your memories... he is always with you... and God Bless! Corinna

Dear Funnyface... I myself have a background in the health field and am so very familiar with grief, yet I have come to believe in the last few years that no matter how much we deal with it on a daily basis in our careers, nothing prepares us for the individual and personal losses that we encounter in our own families. I lost my beloved Father in July of 2001 due to a cerebral hemorrhage. My husband and soul-mate of almost 30 years passed away from lung cancer in August of 2003. He was diagnosed in April and left us just a few short months later. We have 3 children...27, 25, and 18. For some reason though, this year everything has come full-tilt and just recently hit me full force in the face so to speak. I have all these emotions that range from logical thoughts to irrational and beyond. Today, for the first time ever I felt that I had truly lost my mind. The two most influential and loving people I have ever known are gone, and I have all these emotions rolling around everywhere. I feel guilt...that I mourn more for my husband, and less for my Father...guilt that I am here, and they are not...and anger that God could take them both from me...and especially my husband who was only 48. But...there is no clear-cut path to grieving as I am finding out. As you may feel guilt that you weren't with your Mother...I feel it in a different way...I was with my Father in the operating room when surgery was done to try and save his life...but I could not do anything truly to prevent him losing it...I watched my husband gasp for his last breaths in the ER, but there wasn't anything I could do there either. Having worked in various areas of the hospital, it made me think....we certainly do bring ourselves into this world alone...with the help of God...and with His help...we are guided home again. We are NEVER alone...the room is never truly empty, He is there silently standing beside us giving us the strength to get through it. My days aren't as happy as they once were...but time and God will heal me. I am angry and hurt today, but when I go to bed tonite, He will hold me till tomorrow and get me through. Neither of them are gone, and neither are your parents...Look around this holiday season...look at the smiles of your children and grandchildren...there is a little bit of them everywhere. I see my Father in my sons...my daughter...my nieces and nephews...even myself. And my children have the gift of their Father's kind heart as we all help each other through this sadness. My year old grandson is a reincarnation of his grandfather...a constant reminder of love and goodness. My Father always told me life would go on, he said we will always miss one another...but as long as we love one another...we live and one day we would all be together again. Live for them...and pass them on in your family's heart...that way they can never die! God bless you...remember you have done the best you were able...they would want no more than that. Take care...Corina