charlieslove

Walt - I too am sorry for the loss of your cousin. I know going to his/her funeral was a big step - I went to one just about the time I had been without my "best guy" for about a year. A man I used to work for lost his wife, so I went to the funeral. I did pretty good until the end - when I went up to him to tell him of my sympathy. It just seemed so strange to be telling him how much my heart went out to him, just about a year after I lost MY spouse. Walt - Your Little Jeannie certainly was a lucky lady to have someone speak so highly and kindly of her; she must have been very special. You know that she's watching and listening to everything you say, so you don't have to tell her anything! She probably already knows..... My thoughts are with all of you!!!! Patti (Charlie - 6/10/58-11/16/2004)

Oh, Grace, I am SO happy for you!!!! I wish that had happened to me. My husband always gave me the most beautiful cards, so I dug through my pile and found a Valentine's card he had given me and re-read it and cried! It was so beautiful and now I know why I saved it. I will probably re-read it every Valentine's day. My wonderful brother in law gave me a card. He told me that I couldn't go through Valentine's day without atleast a card! Grace, I want to remind you again, that this Sat. (18th) we will be at Applebee's at Central & Camelback for our lunch get together. We'd love to have you and I would LOVE to meet you. Having our Charlie's pass away around the same time and all...... ANYONE in Arizona (John/Dusky that means you!) is invited and WELCOME!!!!! It's just lunch, no pressure. The 3rd Sat. of each month at 1pm and we've been going to the Applebee's at Central & Camelback, lately, but we can talk about changing places, if someone wants. We usually go there because we all come from different areas of the valley and it's convenient (plus they will do separate "bills" for lunch...) Please join us if you can!! All ya gotta do is show up! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004)

Grace is right. By 6 months the reality is starting to sink-in. I'm on 15 months today and things(most of the time) are better. I actually had a short conversation with my sisterinlaw, about him, the other day and didn't even get teary-eyed. (if I had said much more I probably would have...) Ya know, it's hard to even remember when I was on 6 months, at this point. To me the first year was such a blur. I truly am sorry to hear, John, that you're in this pit. I think you'll find, in the future, that you fall into pits off and on. We all have such a long road ahead of us. I'm glad we have each other to "walk" with!! My thoughts are with all of you!! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004)

And he knows that Kayc!!! You HAVE to believe that! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004; I love you, Dear!)

The pain is incredible. Even after almost 15 months the pain is still so prevalent. 13 months before I lost my Charlie, we had to put our beloved canine, Kelty, to sleep. She had been Charlie's mountain climbing companion, walk-taking companion and running away from moose companion for 13 years(we lived in Alaska for 25 years...). She got sick and as Dusky said, too sick to save. We had to make the heart-ripping decision to end her life and then 13 months later I lost my best friend, my lover, my soulmate! My saying since then has been "from 3 to me". That's exactly what happened. I, too, would like to have a warm friendly being in my house, again, but I'm afraid. I have had to put down 2 beloved animals and lose my husband and I'm afraid to get attached to anything/anyone again. It's too soon. I am hoping that someday I will be able to "love" again, but I just can't bring myself to do it right now. People who have not experienced our pain just don't understand why I don't want another dog again. I'm dreading tomorrow. Actually, I'm hoping the day just comes and goes and I don't have to think about it. This will be my 2nd V-day without the man I loved more than anyone. Last year my brother in law brought flowers to my work and he and I cried together. I will be HERE tomorrow. I hope all of you are too!!!! My thoughts are with all of you!!! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58 - 11/16/2004; I love you, Dear!!)

Oh my gosh...I can totally relate. I have been through my first tax year without him - it sucked! In relating to the thing about people thinking they are wiping our lost ones out, I remember that before Charlie passed away we were trying to get SS disability for him. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!! BUT what I remember so clearly, after he passed, is receiving a letter from social security and in it it stated that our marriage had been "ended" by death. I became hysterical!!! I will never forget that. As you said, I didn't WANT my marriage ended. It's been almost 15 months for me and at present I have no desire to take my rings off. I hate when telemarketers call and ask if "he's" there. I know right then and there that they don't know me. Just brings up awful memories. I don't like thinking about the hospital stay. I wish I could get those kind of memories out of my head. The things that make me cry are the little things, as someone here said. His phone call to me each day when he got home, just to tell me he was home OK. Things we would laugh about - I miss his laugh A LOT!!! He was so witty and used to make me laugh all the time. I don't laugh nearly as much anymore... Here is to better moments for all of us!!!! My thoughts are with all of you. Patti (Charlie - 6/10/58-11/16/2004)I miss you SO MUCH, Honey!!!!

Hi all. I find it amazing, out of 365 days in a year, how many of us lost our spouses on a Nov 16th! I believe there are 3 and maybe 4 of us here. My loss was Nov. 16, 2004, so I have "done" my year. I think I went thru it in a daze, tho, and now this year is reality. I am doing better. I have gotten used to the fact that I'm the only one in the house....I don't LIKE it, but it's something I've finally gotten used to. My husband was very young, also, just 46 years old. I think we all find comfort in coming to this site. I may not write each day, but know that I come here and read each day. My thoughts are with all of you!!! Patti (for Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004 - I love you, Dear!!)

KayC - I would have to agree that it's not very sensative of the choir director to ask you to do that. If you don't think you can handle it, I would just tell him/her that it's just too soon. Don't feel like you have to - you make the decision on that. I was thinking about Valentine's day, yesterday, because they have been advertising a concert on the radio here that I would love to go to. My husband and I used to go to concerts as often as we could. He loved music (mostly rock) and we really enjoyed going together. So when I heard the ad I thought "oh, I'd love to see them" and then I had to stop and realize that I didn't have anyone to go with. Then the ad started talking about the fact that it would be a "Valentine's concert".....I knew for sure I couldn't go then because MY Valentine wouldn't be able to go. Needless to say...the tears started flowing. This will be my 2nd V-day without my love. Last year I was at work and my brother-in-law came by and brought me flowers. I thought that was so sweet, but I sobbed like a baby! I don't really know how I will handle this one because everything seems so much harder this year, now that the reality has set in. I'll probably come here and see what all of you are doing.... Thanks for being here with me!!! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58 - 11/16/04)

JMR - I, too, am very sorry for your loss!! I just got past 14 months, myself and as you said I miss my beloved husband every day, every minute and with every breath. For some reason last night I was really sobby - it's strange how you can go for days without crying and then something triggers and I spend the whole evening crying. I hope you will continue to post here. Everyone here is so great and understanding!! My thoughts are with you. Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/04)

"Charlie" - There you are.... I was hoping you'd come to our lunch last Sat. at Applebee's. We had some new faces there. We'd really like to meet you if you have the desire. I know I'D like to meet you. Seems like we have some "common" things. Both of our husband's were Charlie and they passed just about the same time. We meet there each 3rd Sat. at 1pm. So we'd love to have you. Take care. Patti (my Charlie - 6/10/58-11/16/04)

"Always Gene", you said that beautifully!!! It's been 14 months for me and the pain has eased some. I used to cry everyday and now it's not as often. Doesn't mean that I don't miss him SO MUCH everyday!! He was the best friend I've ever had and probably will ever have. He made me laugh and that is a huge part of him that I miss!! I miss his face and kissing it. I miss him coming into the kitchen while I was cooking or washing dishes and just putting his arms around me. I miss him hugely!!! If I had just one wish.... Time does help. You just have to know and believe in your heart that Larry is right there with you ALL the time. I wear a necklace that Charlie wore so it's close to my heart - so I KNOW he's with me. I talk to him and we knew each other so well that I know what his response is. Sometimes that response makes me laugh. Just keep going!! Time goes by so quickly that before you know it, the pain will slighten for you too. Just carry him through life and things will be OK. We're always here!! My thoughts are with you. Patti (for my love, Charlie - 6/10/58 - 11/16/04)

Wow! I can't believe all the people that have come here new these last few days. It's so horrible that any of us are having to endure our lives alone. Not being with the person we loved/love so dearly!! Today marks my 14th month without my beloved husband. It stuns me that I've even made it this long without him. My heart truly goes out to all of you!!! I've been in your shoes and believe it or not(and I know you don't believe it right now), time does make a difference. If you can just get through the days....things will seem easier. You won't like it any more than you do now, BUT it will seem easier. I remember my first few months - all I did was walk around in a cloud. He passed away right before Thanksgiving, so the holidays are just a BLUR!! Sometimes I wish I was still in shock because NOW is such a reality! We are all here for you. As others have said, sometimes I just don't have anything to say BUT I read the posts every day. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. My thoughts are with you. If any of you from Arizona are interested, we have a grief get together this coming Sat. (it's only lunch and chatting...) at the Applebee's at Central and Camelback at 1pm. EVERYONE IS INVITED!! At the present, it's a small group, but we'd like to make it bigger!! There will be plenty of hugs for all of you!!!!!! Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/14/2004: I love you Dear!!)

Yep, walking is a good thing! My husband and I used to walk every night with our dog (she went a year before I lost him), so when I go for a walk it's always sad. I don't have either one of them now.... BUT you're right! No one knows you're crying. (Especially this time of year 'cause it's dark). And yes, I look up at the sky and the stars and talk with Charlie. I live out away from the city lights and since the sky is clear the majority of the time here in Arizona there are lots of stars to see. Walt, we've all had or are having OUR 39 weeks of hell, so we completely understand!! Just hang in there with us and we'll all get through this. As they say....misery loves company. I know I'm glad I have all of you!!!!! Thanks! My thoughts are with all of you!!!!! Patti (Dear, I love you with all my heart! 6/10/58-11/16/04)

It's strange how you feel guilty or have regrets. Some times when I get into my crying fits I tell my husband how sorry I am...I'm sorry that he was the one to get sick - I'm sorry this had to happen to him. It does kind of make you feel a little guilty for still being able to be here..... I think when people get ill, maybe we feel guilty for not having "done more". Problem is that when you are talking grown adults, it's not always easy to GET them to see a doctor sooner or more often. Especially if they are the kind of person that "hides" things from you. Maybe doesn't tell you when they are feeling bad. I know there are things that my husband didn't tell me right upfront - I mean at the on-set. I'm sure it's mostly because they don't want us to worry. Walt - I thank you for those words of wisdom. I will make every effort to not live with regrets! Thank you!!! My thoughts are with all of you. Patti (Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/04)

Waterbird - I am SO SORRY for your recent loss!! It is a tough road to go down, but we will all get through it. We are always here for you!! I lost my husband almost 14 months ago(shocks me just to say that!), he was quite young (46) and I just turned 51 in November, so I know I still have quite a bit of "life" left. I think numerous things have gotten me through so far. My 3 grandchildren are a huge part of it. I have to continue going on for them. I want very much to see them grow up and maybe marry and have children. I know my husband wanted to see that, too, so I feel like I'm left here to "represent" him. My daughter, of course, has been a huge help. My husband's family are all here and we are in constant touch and see each other a lot. Knowing that they are suffering along with me helps. His mom has a really hard time with the loss(she lost both her husband & her only son....), so she and I are VERY close. Basically I'm her "4th daughter", which means a lot to me. As someone here said, I think the "permission" that my husband gave me to go on with life is what really gets me through. He wrote me a letter, while he was in the hospital, and told me that I was to grieve and then get on with my life. That he hoped I would marry again(or atleast not be alone)because I deserved to be happy. I go through life for him. I get up every morning because he wants me to. I talk with him, I kiss his picture goodbye every morning and tell him I will see him at work. TRUST ME, I still cry quite a bit. Sometimes I still can't believe I will never touch him or kiss his face again! Or hear his voice, or just see him laying on the couch. I wonder some times HOW I will ever get through this...but I know I will. Gosh! I didn't mean to ramble on like I did. I guess I'd have to say that all these things have helped and to a point, time helps. I don't like it, but we have to go on. We have other people that depend on us to go on. We can't let them down! I know I'm glad I have found all of you. It's somewhat comforting to know that other people feel as you do. I AM sorry we've all had to meet because of our losses. My thoughts are with all of you!!!! Patti

It's definately hard to be the one left behind!!! Hopefully 2006 will bring a little bit of peace to us all. This was my 2nd NYE without my husband - last year's I don't even remember. I'm SURE I didn't have a very good time! This year, I actually enjoyed myself. My husband was not much of a "partyer" and I like to "let my hair down", so as much as I hate to admit it, I found myself having a good time. I was at my sisterinlaw & brotherinlaw's house and we had lots of good friends there - all of them having known Charlie and missing him as much as I do (well...so they think.) We all toasted to him and all thought of him. Only thing was...I was the 13th wheel. I HATE that! Nothing that bothers me more than to see two people kiss or hold hands or hug or show some kind of affection. I miss that SO much between Charlie & me!!!! Just a little hug or a kiss from him would make me so happy! Guess I'll have to wait for it in a dream..... My thoughts are with al of you!! Patti (for Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/04)

"Guest Deborah" - I don't know how long it's been since your loss, but you will get through this. We are all suffering, but as you can see, we're all "going on". You HAVE to know that that is what your spouse would have wanted for you. He would not want you doing what it is you talk about doing. If he truly loves you, he does not want you to NOT go on. We, the ones left, are the ones that are suffering. You have to know that he is in a better place than we are. He is no longer in pain and is missing you, but he is at peace. You have to keep him in your heart! That is the best way to have him with you, ALWAYS! I "talk" with my husband, Charlie, all the time and I kiss his picture goodbye every morning. I cry and tell him how much I miss him, but I tell him I will see him when I get home and I WILL because his pictures are everywhere in our home. You must have other people to live for. Do you have children? Parents? Friends? All these people want you to continue on with the remainder of YOUR life. They all love and care about you. We care about you and you always have us to come and talk with. Remember...we are all on this road together. Not one I CHOSE to take, but nevertheless, I'm here. Please do some "soul searching". "Talk" with your lost loved one. I think he will show you "the way". If we can be of help, please come here and talk with us. My thoughts and my heart are with you!!!!! Please take care. Patti

Spela. Oh, my gosh!!! What you wrote made me very happy! I'm so glad that you have "come to grips" with this. Your love NEVER has to change - I know that mine won't. You can love someone no matter where they are. I understand, I really do. I am so deeply in love with my deceased husband, still, that at this point I can't EVER imagine being in love with anyone else. It's been 13+ months for me and I have gotten more used to being home by myself and knowing he's not there when I get home....it doesn't make it any easier. I am so glad that things are becoming a little easier every day. That's all we can do is take one day at a time. We're always here!! My thoughts are with you. Patti

It's been a little over a year since I lost my beloved husband - I understand how you feel!! I'm not really sure how I get through, but I know in my heart that he wouldn't want me to grieve forever. I have 3 grandkids and my daughter. I have his family and we all live within 30 miles of each other. I know that they are all grieving as I am and we all get up everyday and put one foot in front of the other and go on. This is not to say that I don't spend my fair-share of time crying. People say how well I'm doing, but they don't see me by myself. I cry alot when I'm alone. You HAVE to go on for the other people in your life. As you said, time does make a difference. I wouldn't say that it "heals all wounds", as the saying goes, but it does make things easier. Charlie & I were together for better than 20 years and his death was fairly sudden. I knew he was ill and that he wouldn't live forever, but I sure didn't think it would be as soon as it was. I am SO grateful for the time we DID have together - he was such a special person!! I guess knowing others (his mom, sisters & brotherinlaws) are grieving as much as I am helps. Christmas was so busy that I didn't even have time to dwell on it too much - he wouldn't have wanted me to anyway. I try to live the way he would want me to. I talk to him alot and kiss his pictures all the time. I miss him!!!! Yes, it's a hard road to walk down, but you will get through it. You HAVE to...for the rest of your family and friends! Know that my thoughts are always with you and you have this "site" to come to when you need us!! Patti

Grace. The address is 2 E. Camelback Rd. Like I said, it's right on the corner of Camelback Rd. and Central. Any 3rd Saturday at 1 pm - we would love to see you there!!! You can email me at pzusman@aol.com if you want to let me know you're coming. There are only a few of us, but we all try to come each month. Best wishes!! Patti

Grace. I just realized that you are in Phoenix. I'm in AZ, too. I work in Avondale and live in Buckeye. We should try to get together. I actually attend a get together for widows and widowers (it's just lunch...) every 3rd Sat. You should come one Sat. I would VERY much like to meet you. There is only a few of us that attend regularly, but we'd LOVE to have you come. It's at Applebee's at Central & Camelback at 1pm each 3rd Sat. Let me know if you're interested. Take care. Patti

Wow! That is too strange to read of other people's losses happening on the same day that mine did. I lost my husband on 11/16/2004, so I've done MY first year. Charlie was 46 years old and we had been together for more than 20 years. This holiday season has been a lot worse than last year. Last year I was just going thru the motions - I don't even remember last Thanksgiving, my birthday or Christmas. THIS year is a different story. The pain has really set in! So when people say that it will be different after your "first year", they are very correct!!! I hear that if you get through "all the firsts" it gets easier. I'm not too sure that that is a true statement. I guess in some respects it's easier - you learn to accept the fact that you are by yourself, but it's still so painful. Charlie and I did everything together. We were best friends and truly loved each other! You hear of so many unhappy people - that would LOVE to get rid of their mate....not me. We loved being with each other. We didn't have to DO anything....just being together was enough. My heart and my thoughts are with you. Keep your chin up and you WILL get through this. Not OVER it, just THROUGH it. Keep them in your thoughts and your heart and maybe light a candle for them at the dinner table on Christmas. There is also a website called www.gratefulness.org where you can go and light a candle. It's pretty cool - I lit one for Charlie on Nov. 16th. Thoughts to all of you this holiday season. Missing my best friend, Charlie. I love you with all my heart, all my life and beyond. Patti Charlie 06/10/58 - 11/16/2004

Charlie. I lost my Charlie a little over a year ago, too. He was 46. This is my 2nd Christmas without him and I totally agree about last Christmas....I was in a fog and don't really even remember it. Last Christmas, he had only been gone for about 40 days, so yes, I truly was in a stupor. My family will say something about what happened last Christmas or who was there and I can't even remember it. This year has definately been more depressing!!! I find myself crying alot more. I too have grandchildren and they are what holds me together. I just "do" Christmas for them.....Putting up the tree and decorating by yourself is just a motion - there is NO Emotion. (well, maybe sadness) I truly hope you have the best Christmas possible. I know that is asking a lot, but just do the best you can to get through the holidays. My thoughts are with you and of course, everyone here. My best to all of you. Patti To MY Charlie... I love you with all my heart, all my life and beyond. 06/10/58 - 11/16/04

Walt - Believe it or not (and I know you don't...) you are "getting better". I bet you don't cry as much as you did. You can't be rushing this kind of thing. No matter how long it's been, I don't think it will EVER not hurt. This coming Friday will be 13 months for me. I STILL can't believe that I have spent 13 months without the love of my life. Everyday when I get home, it is still so hard to believe that he's not inside the house - that I have to spend another evening sitting there by myself. I wonder everyday if I'm EVER going to get passed this - but I know I will. I will never get over it, but I will get through it. And so will you. I hope that you do things to keep yourself busy. If it wasn't for me going to work everyday I would have gone stark-raving crazy by now. I'm trying to find things to do to somewhat keep my mind off of it. I was just telling myself this weekend that I need to find something to do on the weekends because they are definately my lonliest times. They seem to just drag by. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but things will get better - they HAVE to, right? I figure....they couldn't get much worse. My thoughts are with you and of course, everyone here..... Take care. Patti

I, too, am glad you found those tapes....and watched them before you "tossed" them. I don't have anything with my husband's voice on it either - I mostly want to remember his laugh. When he was really tickled about something, he had the cutest laugh! I hope I remember that always. I have a letter that he wrote me while he was in the hospital. I have only read it once. I want to read it again, and I will someday, but right now it's so hard. It's just been a little over a year since I lost him and I still cry so much that I don't think I can read it now. I guess memories will have to do for now. I love you and miss you, Dear!!! All my heart, all my life and beyond.