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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

mccqueen

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  1. My twin brother died in July and it was a six week period of cancer raging through his body. Because of the loss of my Mother's first born when he was 3 before he and I were born and my Mother's reaction to it, my brother decided not to tell her about it and since she was living with me he didn't tell me either for fear I would tell her. My daughter, however, told me and I kept his wishes and didn't tell Mother because I thought it was wrong to do so but it was his disease and his choice. At last he told me to tell her after the begging from his family and on a Thursday I told her he had cancer. He died on Saturday and then I had to tell her that. On top of all the predeath trauma, when I told my Mother that he had died she had no reaction and commented 'I can't cry. I must have cried all my tears out for Tim' (the 3 year old who died sixty years earlier). Then she said she was too weak to go to the funeral even though she stayed at home and went about outside as she could. A week later a neighbor who had lost an adult child came down to offer condolences. Mother only mentioned the baby she had lost and never once mentioned my brother who had just died. I was so angry I didn't know what to do. The relationship with my Mother has always been close but this situation just broke my heart. I need some (again) outside opinions who aren't related so that I can get some perspective on the situation. I won't even mention the horrible funeral my sister-in-law gave for my brother. That I will tackle in a whole other thread.
  2. Thank you both for your comments. They helped me a great deal. Sometimes only an unbiased opinion is the only answer to personal problems that are too close to the heart for sound judgment.
  3. My oldest brother died when he was three (before I was born) and a neighbor had a cedar chest made with his name on it for my parents. There are clothes and toys of his in it plus those of my grandfather and father. My mother has asked me and my daughter after that to take 'care' of the chest. My thoughts are how long do we have to hang on to this. I explained to her that this was HER grief and not mine and certainly not my daughters and she said just don't tell her what I am going to do with the chest. I, of course, would not do anything with it until she dies. I need some opinions or if anything like this has happened to anyone else.
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