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Cheesehead

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Everything posted by Cheesehead

  1. Thank you for all the wonderful suggestions!
  2. You know, people tell that to me too and I'm doing things very differently than you. I think that we all grieve in our own way and none of them are wrong. In fact, they're exactly what you're "supposed" to do given you're you. Having said that, I probably grieve more like your sister. I wanted everything to be taken care of. Stat. It helped me feel better and, truthfully, I've been so wrapped up in my own grief and I haven't even considered how I was acting might be making my brother or stepdad feel. I suspect your sister feels similarly. I appreciate your post b/c this has inspired me to communicate more and not be in such a rush to do everything. A balance between my needs and my familys' needs must be met I think. In your case I would maybe try to talk to you sister? Perhaps she doesn't know what you're thinking or even that her behavior is so upsetting to you? It's so hard to put ourselves in someone else's shoes when our grief and loss is so consuming. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care! I just read through the thread and saw your update about having to leave the house. How awful for you!!!
  3. I don't have any advice, really, since I just lost my mom two months ago. But I don't think going back to "normal" is possible. A new "normal" has to be created. How, I don't know. For me it's my faith and my family, in that order. I still feel empty and some days are ridiculously hard and, for the first time in my life, I'm not thrilled that Christmas is just around the corner. My heart goes out to you!
  4. I was not present when my mom had her stroke. I keep replaying what might have happened in my head and I've been questioning my stepdad (who was there) a lot about it. I don't know why, but I feel like I need to know everything she might have thought/felt during her last moments. Is this typical?
  5. Hi there. I stumbled onto this message board today and I'm glad b/c I haven't really talked in any kind of organized "grief" setting since my mom died. I lost my mom this past October out of the blue. She was only 59 years old and in perfect health. I was 41 weeks pregnant when she died and she had been calling every other minute, it seemed, to see if I was in labor yet. The night she had her stroke I talked to her around 7 p.m. and was kind of short w/her b/c I was annoyed that she kept asking if I was in labor and I was annoyed that I wasn't and that she kept asking. I don't even think I told her I loved her. Later that night, sometime after 11 p.m., she keeled over in the kitchen of her house. My stepdad said she was sort of concious for awhile, but she quickly slipped into unconciousness and never woke up. I saw her at the hospital early Saturday morning (around 2 a.m.) but had to leave later that morning because, wouldn't you know it, I went into labor and couldn't deliver where she was. I had my baby Saturday afternoon. Monday morning my stepdad called around 4 a.m. to say things didn't look good. My doctor released me early (I'd had a c-section, so I wasn't really supposed to leave) and later that morning my mom was officially pronounced dead. One of the hardest parts of this is that she never even got to meet her newest granddaughter, and she had been SO excited. She had a bag packed so she could be at the hospital overnight w/me if need be and wanted to know about every contraction and feeling I had. She doted on my other two kids and it breaks my heart that my oldest only got to have five years with her and my son only got three (she actually died on his third birthday). She was a part of my daily life; a day rarely went by that we didn't talk. I saw her at least once a week and my kids were incredibly close with her. I still can't believe she's gone and I'm dreading Christmas without her. The only thing that saves my sanity is my husband and kids, but otherwise I can't believe how much I miss her. Anyway, thanks for letting me share. Also, does anyone know of any good books/websites that deal w/grief for young children? My 3 yo seems fine but my 5 yo has been having a lot of nightmares lately and I think they're related to her missing her beloved Nana and not expressing it. But maybe not.
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