Susan

Deborah, Our circumstances seem so similar and you summed it up perfectly with the words if only.... As I sit and think I feel all the decisions we made were meant to be made for it was time for our men to leave us. Of course as you know, it still doesn't make the pain any less. If you ever need to talk just email me: katie@epix.net Susan

Deborah, Our circumstances seem so similar and you summed it up perfectly with the words if only.... As I sit and think I feel all the decisions we made were meant to be made for it was time for our men to leave us. Of course as you know, it still doesn't make the pain any less. If you ever need to talk just email me: katie@epix.net

TO DEBORAH & USTWO, Thank you for your replies. Just knowing someone has experienced the same feeling has helped me to cope. My biggest problem was the guilt for being so impatient with my husband the last month of his life. I have a confection business and was working 20 hour days to get my orders out. Needless to say I didn't have much resolve left when he called me every hour. At the time I took care of his needs but didn't have the qualtiy time, although I do remember holding him the last week and letting him know he will always be my solemate. So many post here seem to read like they never lost there tempers with their loved ones and I thought I was the only one. USTWO I think Gene waited until you were out of the room to pass on, as he loved you so much he didn't want you to remember him taking his last breath. DEBORAH My heart goes out to you, I don't know how long you and Larry were together, but I assume you were looking forward to a wedding. At least I had 41 years with Charlie. Hopefully we can move on and our loved ones will always have a special place in our hearts. Contacts, friends and family are so important at this very difficult time, somedays you just don't feel like moving on. I find keeping busy helps and I have a wonderful daughter who calls me everyday. How wonderful to have the internet to reach out to people we will never meet but have given us a shoulder to lean on. May Charlie have found peace, he was sick for so many years (23) Susan

TO DEBORAH & USTWO, Thank you for your replies. Just knowing someone has experienced the same feelings has helped me to cope. My biggest problem was the guilt for being so impatient with my husband the last month of his life. I have a confection business and was working 20 hour days to get my orders out. Needless to say I didn't have much resolve left when he called me every hour while I was trying to get some sleep. At the time I took care of his needs, but didn't have the qualtiy time, although I do remember holding him the last week and letting him know he will always be my solemate. So many posts here seem to read like they never lost there tempers with their loved ones and I thought I was the only one. USTWO I think Gene waited until you were out of the room to pass on, as he loved you so much he didn't want you to remember him taking his last breath. Remember the special moments you shared. DEBORAH: My heart goes out to you, although I don't know how long you and Larry were together, I assume you were looking forward to a wedding. I at least had 41 years with my husband. Hopefully we both can move on and we will always have that special place in our hearts for the one we loved. Contacts, friends and family are so important at this very difficult time, somedays you just don't feel like moving on. I find keeping busy helps and I have a wonderful daughter who calls me everyday. How nice to have the internet to reach out to people we will never meet but who have experienced the same feelings and give us a shoulder to lean on. May Charlie have found peace, he was sick for so many years (23) Susan

To Deborah_*' post='3198' date='Jan 1 2006, 07:34 PM'] I have the same feelings you have, all through the house are reminders of our 41 years together. My husband was sick for so long but his death came so sudden towards the end. I keep his Old Spice open in the room he was in so I can smell his presence. I know we have to go on with our lives, and even though I knew he was dying and his body was giving out, I still wasn't ready. It is hard not to dwell on all the things we did wrong, instead of all the things we did right. I too, wonder if he knew I was with him and how much I loved him and would miss him. I know how hard it is to try to eat, and just go about my everyday living. I was hoping things would get easier, but by your posting I think it will be a long process. Lets keep our loved ones in our hearts, knowing they are at peace. Sometimes it is hard to be the one left behind. God Bless, Susan

I lost my husband Dec 18 after he was disabled for over 23 years. I was his sole caregiver and the last 2 years he was completely bedridden. I have a business that my busy season is Christmas time. I was so harried it seemed everytime I went to help him I always wanted him to do things that his body was no longer capable of doing, like holding his spoon or sitting up. Even though I sat with him and held him, I now feel guilty that I didn't do enough towards the end. How does one over come this terrible feeling. I just wish I had one more day with my Charlie. He was in the Hospice program for only one day before he passed away and how I wish I would have put him there sooner like the doctors wanted me to, I would have been less stressed out and we could have had more quality time. But he wanted to stay at home. I can't praise the caregivers with hospice enough, at least that final day was a day to hold his hand, stroke his head and say my goodbye, although I don't think he heard me. The doctors keep praising me for the magnificant care I gave him, but that only makes me feel worse. Is there anyone out there that had the same feelings and how did you get your life back together. Susan