Still a Daughter

Dear Jen, So sorry that you have lost your mother. I lost both my parents, my mom in 2004 and dad in 2005. I can certainly relate with your feelings. I too feel quite alone, even though I am surrounded by family and friends. The previous postings were very good and offer great advice. You will get beyond the worst of the pain to a point where you will be able to celebrate your mom's life and the great legacy she left, you. You sound like a sensitive and caring person and what a great gift your mother gave the world by raising you with your wonderful values. Yes, be kind to yourself and keep thoughts of your mom close. There is no easy way to grieve, you have to let it happen. Each tear is a tribute to your love for your mother. Take care and post again. You are also still a daughter.

We are all on this site because of our loss. I lost my father last Thanksgiving and know all too well the empty and lonely feeling. Father's provide a sense of comfort that no one else can fill. As others have said the painful grief will lessen over time. Not that we forget our loved ones, but the pain becomes tolerable. Don't let anyone ridicule or hurry you in your grief. There is no amount of time that is correct for grief. Allow yourself the time it takes to help you move on to honor and celebrate your dad's life. Good luck, you are still a daughter.

Lindalee:Thank you for your post to this discussion. Losing both parents within a short period is so much to bear. You had the additional loss of another family member. Sometimes it seems as though trajedy compounds itself. There is no easy way to get through this difficult time. I keep putting off the grieving but I think it is catching up to me with sleepness nights and major problems in focus. You may see these signs in yourself over the passing months. I know I should be taking care of myself, but it seems as though you just lose the will. I don't know if you have faced this, but we must continue to encourage each other. You are obviously a caring, sensitive person and I know that you have alot to offer those around you. Join me in looking for ways to celebrate their lives. Tell me about your best afternoon with your mother in your entire life. I would love to hear the story. Take care and best of luck-Still a Daughter

I lost my dad on Thanksgiving day. I also miss not knowing that he is home, waiting for me to come by. In his last months, he became unable to care for his needs by himself. It was difficult for him to allow his daughter to help him with toileting. After one especially awkward afternoon, after I helped him back to his recliner he looked up and said how much he appreciated me. He said that if I ever needed help, to call him. That is the nature of dads. Even though he could hardly walk he wanted to help me. I know you miss your dad terribly. There is no one that knows you as he did. You will miss him over the next months and it will manifest itself when you least expect it. That is the nature of grief. The more you grieve, I feel, is a tribute to how much you cared for him. So I suggest that you cry when you need to, journal if it helps and be in a bad mood when you must. However, when you can get past the last few bad days he had and connect with all the wonderful days you two had together, you will be on the road to coming to terms with the loss. You will never forget him or stop feeling the loss but you will put it in perspective with the rest of your life. Good luck...Still a Daughter

I am glad you sought out this site and added your thoughts to the discussion. Obviously we are all looking for something, comfort or just to know that we are not alone in this journey. Otherwise, why would we be doing this? Although we don't know each other, we can reach across boundaries and provide a direct connection through our common pain. I have helped my brother sort through my mother's possessions and papers. We are finding insights into her that we never knew about. I feel like we are discovering the complex and beautiful soul that she never let us see. My mother was private about her feelings. We are all on such unique journeys. I hope you can find your path through this grief process. Yes the tears will come when you least expect them, but they need to spill. Someone once told me that our tears fill a bucket and sometimes that bucket overflows because it can't hold any more. Pour out your bucket every so often, whether with a friend or in private. Those tears are a tribute to how much your mother meant to you. Good luck and wishing you peace. Still a Daughter

Funnyface and avsqdcr Thank you both for your posts. I am not alone and can't believe how we have gone thru such similiar events. I wish you both the peace of heart that we all crave. Our parents made us who we are today and they took a piece of our hearts with them. My best to you both. Still a Daughter

My father passed away in November 2005 after losing my mom October 2004. I had cared for my mother for nine years with Alzheimers and this last year as my father slowly declined. After ten years of always being aware of their needs, their medications, doctor's appointments and cleaning their house. In particular this last year with my father was even more stressful as he required IV antibiotic therapy on a 24 hour a day basis. He only wanted my brother and I to care for him, which was very difficult, both physically and mentally. Now that they are both gone, this increase in personal freedom is no relief. Even though I was there whenever they needed me, even to the detriment of my husband and children, I still have overwhelming guilt. I can't enjoy myself because I feel guilty that I can now take a real vacation. I know in my head this is silly, but my heart is heavy. I miss them so and even though I am glad they no longer suffer from their afflictions I wish I could see them and see their smiles. They were totally devoted to their children and I can't get past feeling like I let them down in some way to be happy. Please someone tell me that I am not the only one feeling this way.