Lisa, I agree with and understand what you are feeling. My story for a little background: My wife(40)died of a massive heart attact 07 Dec 2005, 3 days after we had a major house fire. I had been working pretty much constantly from 01 Dec and finally got home about noon on 06 Dec. We met with the insurance adjuster, ran some errands, then headed back to our motel after we picked her 11 yr old son from school. We ate some pizza, and I went to sleep about 9 (hadn't had much sleep over the past 6 days), she turned to TV off about 1130, woke me up, we kissed and hugged, and both went to sleep. When the alarm when off in the morning she was dead, and had been for a while. I about freaked out, want to blame myself for being to tired to know something went wrong. And worst of all her son was right there to see it also. Now I am just a wreck, a train wreck even. Have spent weeks just spinning my wheels, did go to MI to visit my family for about 10 days, that helped while I was there, although now that I am back in west TX, alone, some days are really hard. I try to keep busy, and some days I can get things done. Other days I can hardly force myself to do anything. Have gone to some company sponsored grief counseling, which has helped somewhat. I walk alot, talking to the air and keep trying to find a direction, and sometimes that helps me. Anyway, I just pray that I can get through all this. Doing it alone is rough. Frank