Hello, everyone. My name is Lauren and I am new to the discussion boards. Before I go into the question at hand, I would like to give a hopefully brief synopsis about my situation. I am 24 years old and lost my precious mother to her second form of cancer over 3 years ago. She was 47 years old. My mother had Hodgkin's Disease when she was about 27 years old, and the scar tissue that formed from the radiation she had nearly 20 years earlier, developed into small-cell lung cancer. A cigarette never touched her lips in the 47 years she was alive. Yes, the first year after her death was virtually unbearable. As year two rolled into year three, I truly felt as if I had accepted my life without her and was beginning to heal my shattered heart. September of 2005 found me on a plane to London to participate in a three-month study abroad program. Little did I know that this AMAZING experience would also be a time of great pain. First, my mother died on September 10th, 2002, so it was the first anniversary that I was unable to visit her at her gravesite. It is always beyond belief to see her name and photograph on a headstone, but it gives me comfort to have a cry and know that she is by my side. And, here I was thousands of miles away without my family and friends to support me. I am an art history major, so going to Europe and seeing the art I have so lovingly studied, is one of my greatest dreams come true. It was also a taste of the first great life experience that my mother could not be a part of. I expected that one day my graduation, wedding and the birth of my children would be a time of sadness, but not this experience. To make matters worse, my dad had to sell the only house I have ever known while I was away. I now see just how much of a comfort it was to know that even though my mom was physically gone, she was everywhere. When I was sad, I could always go bury my head in a pair of her pajamas and feel better just knowing it was hers. Needless to say, life at our new condo has been quite rough. Three years later, I think I have finally come to the realization that my mom is really gone. While in London, and ever since I returned, I have been suffering from overwhelming anxiety. I have it all the time and it is slowly chipping away at me. I can somewhat deal with the mind games that anxiety plays on me, but I cannpt handle the incredible nausea/upset stomachs it gives me. I am fed up!!! I am not sure if it is just anxiety or it's anxiety brought on by depression. I have gone on an anti-depressant, but it is not really helping much at all. Does anyone else suffer from this comsuming anxiety??? Thank you for reading my long post!!!