Kim, I too "set (my beloved Zeke)free" as you put it in November, and still feel utterly traumatized by the act of doing so, even although in my heart I know that I saved him from alot of discomfort. I happened to take a number of photos of him that day before the vet arrived (I know that might sound weird but I needed to have a record of a more objective perspective of that day). In those photos I can see Zeke's , anguish, discomfort and misery on his face. He was 16 and we (he and I) had been up every night for the five nights before he died. He was failing and he knew it and I knew it. He was/is the love of my life. The decision I made was only for his benefit, as I'm sure yours was. You must trust your heart and your instincts. We are only imperfect humans but with tremendous love for our non-human friends. If your motivation was pure then you should try not to torture yourself with guilt. I too had the recurring and torturous thoughts that would say" what the hell have I done, Zeke was still walking around, he ate a little bit that morning", etc. etc. But then I would go over all the details in my mind that lead to the sickening reality of his condition and it's inevitable conclusion, with or without my intervention. I even called his two vets a number of times just to go over it again with them so that I would feel reassured. This is a terrible place to be, mentally. Try not to torture yourself with guilt and second guessing. For me, I have decided that the real issue here is really about the terrible shock of having to make such an excruciating decision, to be the one that has to initiate the final departure of a creature that is so dear to us. What an unfathomable position of pain to be in...but we did it out of love.Instead of guilt, maybe you could honor your own courage for finding the strength to carry out the ultimate act of selflessness for your friend. It's very hard to comprehend the mystery of it all. Life disappears in an instant.I spent so many years trying to make Zeke happy and comfortable and healthy. He had alot of problems and emotional and physical suffering . I put him at the top of my list in terms of my priorities, including my own needs. So to have to euthanize him went against everything that went before in terms of trying to keep him in top shape, forever! But, this final act was in the end, consistent with caring for HIM, not me. My vet said she would rather euthanize an animal too early rather than too late. Wouldn't that have been worse for you? It's so so hard. I'm so sorry for you. I am suffering so, too. Best thing is charge full steam ahead looking for support. It's hard to find but it's out there. Right here, even. Take good care of yourself and write back. With love and sympathy to you, Anne (annezeke)