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Every person's journey is individual. Although I saw my paternal grandparents several times each week & for a time they lived across the street from us I never felt really close. My grandmother was in her 40's when she had her last child of 9 & she wasn't a feely touchy person to begin with & my dad indicated she felt she was through with children so wasn't the kind to be really emotionally close to grandchildren. Mother's family was different. Her paternal grandmother lived with them for about 15 years. Her mother married at 15 & had 4 children by early 20's. Since mother was an only daughter & I was her only child I was very close to my mother's parents. My grandmother was the kind that wanted closeness & was the type that would get lonesome even though we had lots of contact with her. She was close to her own sisters & lived next door to one. She was one of 13 children & of the ones living when I was a child 6 lived in the same town. You see what I mean about family closeness & attachments. My mother was very different from her mother & I am different from her. I am more like my maternal grandmother. The sad feelings & being lonesome are all her. My mother was a rock & she wasn't hiding feelings. That is just the way she was. She was very attached to me & my daughter but losing her parents were just part of life. Of course, she was 74 when her mother died. If my mother were here she would say I need to get a grip that this is just life & no point in the way I feel & the same would come from my dad. He lived with us after his surgery for the few months he had so we talked a lot. He died here in my home with just me here. My daughter is so sad about losing my parents because they were everything to her as she was to them. She said once that she doesn't like it that I will comment that's what grandma would say or what grandpa would do. When I said recently that they were so much a part of our lives it just comes naturally she said she doesn't like it cause it reminds her how sad I am. She is so afraid that something will happen to me or her husband so she doesn't like to dwell on the current loss.

I went to see a psychologist when my mother was ill & again after my father died. Based on what I shared,they could see that family or friend support will not be there & they told me there was nothing I could do except take it a day at a time. Not a lot of help but I know it has to come from me to cope. It seems many people aren't close to parents & I once told my daughter that death seems so much easier for them but she said we would miss out on all the wonderful memories. We really were much closer than most. I guess we are more like families from the "old country" with constant interaction - me with my grandparents on both sides in years past & then with my folks. My parents lived a few houses from us so we did things for each other every day. My daughter probably was with them more than us since we both worked. Our lives were very intertwined personally & with business. Some friends have said losing them for me is like losing a husband since I not only lost parents but because of their backgrounds they helped with all our business issues that now fall on me. Although I am an only child as is our daughter, there was so much extended family closeness that's now gone as my parents generation are all gone & cousins never bonded. We have no contact wtih my husband's family. Going from daily contact, love & support to just my husband & myself is quite a change. My daughter married & moved away during my mother's illness so have to share her with another family. My daughter thought we would all be one big happy family but my husband & myself aren't considered family by them. This is an added stress for all of us including her husband. I do feel so bad for the young women that have lost their parents & helps put my issue in perspective. It helps to hear from people more my age that don't just sail through the whole episode. For me no matter how long my parents would have lived it wouldn't have been long enough. Another thing that made it hard was they never seemed old even though mother was 89 & dad 88 when they died because they looked like someone in their 70's & were as active as myself. So nice to get your responses

I have never participated in something like this & am not real familiar with computers so will see if I am doing this right. I read some of the things written & feel a bit foolish to be writing as I am 60 & so many of the things I read were by very young people. I lost my mother to cancer 2 years ago. A few months after she died my father found out he also had cancer & died 4 months from his diagnosis. I am an only child & was very close to my parents. I am married to a good man but he is emotionally distant so I am alone in my sadness. I have a daughter but she misses my parents & it is very distressing for her when I show sadness. I understand as I would have felt the same way when I was young if my parents were grieving. They were always my strength as I need to be for her. I have no one to talk with so feel quite alone. I had to dispose of my parents belongings & sell their house & take care of their business issues in addition to my full time job. The intense sadness I feel is overwhelming & doesn't get better. It's like a huge hole has been torn from my heart & there is nothing to help put it together again. And as I said, it is hard because I feel at my age I should be able to cope better with the natural course of life. I feel that it would help if I had some emotional support -someone to lean on it would help. I have a few friends but they have their own problems & don't have anything extra to give.