pipsqueak

Hi, I am a newbie. May God's love and strength comfort all of you. I lost my beloved father to a massive heart attack 4th of July . He survived 6 days after they had performed some OP on him in hospital and then he went into another cardiac arrest. I had to hurrily fly back home to the USA from Germany and it was awful ( He was not even sick and nobody knew he had a heart condition) He was a vibrant man and very active. I cant even remember going to the hospital just being at his bedside. I cant remember the 14 hour flight home, I cant remember nothing at all. I literally lived at the hospital. Especially seeing that two hours before he had this heart attack I spoke to him and was making ticket arrangements for him and mom to come in the summer of 2005. God only knows how it still hurts like it is yesterday. The hardest part for me was watching daddy for the first time in his life not the bell of a ball and chattering with everyone. He laid in a medically induced coma for the whole time, we didnt get a chance to say goodbye. He was totall out the whole time. When they pronounced he had gone into cardiac arrest and if any of the family wnted to go see them peforming CPR I went. That image of my poor daddy laying limp on this bed and being pumped by this huge man pained me so much, I ran out the room screaming, then minutes later he was pronounced dead. I SCREAMED AND SCREAMNED, my dad and I were very close and I have lost my best friend, my dear father and my buddy. I stil cry every day almost. I do not take meds or pills as I feel that is not dealing with it truly. I suffer the pain and cry my heart out, I talk to him and laugh at the good times etc. I miss him oh so much, quite often I dont belive he is gone but I know but something in me just pretends he is there. I miss calling him, I miss hearing him and I miss our political arguments. For all of you who have suffered as I have. God bless each and everyone of you. We can only pray and look to the lord for healing and strength. thanks.