Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Chai

Contributor
  • Posts

    247
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Chai

  1. Dear Spika, hugs for all the hurt you are experiencing. You are not alone. I'm also a young person in her 20s who lost her dad to cancer and I also think of all the things he's missing. I was also faraway from him when he passed on. I can relate so much to what you said about your mother telling you a story of your dad, and it only made you more sad... I'm not sure if it always gets easier over time. That's what the cliche saying says. I think it gets easier for some. For me it's been nearly 4 years. Sometimes the grief still hits me hard - like this morning. But other times, I'm fine. I can't say that I wish for you to be fine, because we'll never be exactly the same people again. But you can still have things to look forward to in life and be excited. One day you can do things and think of your dad and say, "Hey dad, look what I'm doing!" Perhaps talking to him or writing letters to him now, as you are transitioning and moving, will help you feel like he is still in your life a little? I found that writing letters to my dad after graduation (in 2010 years after he passed away) helped me to feel a bit better. I also write him on Father's Day. I wish you the best. love and light to you, Chai
  2. As everyone has said...it isn't weird at all. I totally understand frantically wanting to save it. I am very fortunate in that I have, not only a tape my father spoke for me before he passed on, but also old cassette tapes he recorded of his sessions with his clients in his work as a natural healer. The sound is a bit distorted and sped up but I found a way to slow it down. So i have all these tapes of my dad speaking. It's wonderful. my mother thinks I should toss away the old cassette tapes since I have now figured out how to transfer the sound to files on my computer. But I don't want to. What if something happened to my computer? No way. There are also some glimpses of my dad in old videos even though he and my mom separated when I was 3. I love seeing him in the old videos, even if it's from far away from the back...
  3. Dearest Caitlyn, I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. I remember when I was at the point you're at, and even a "was" would make me choke to say it, and I'd only say it to get along with everyone else...and how I want to keep everything, everything that my dad touched. You are not alone in wanting to keep it all. My dad passed away in 2008 and I'm still hanging on to the car he drove, even though I don't drive yet, the car is old, and it's damaged from sitting around for years so probably un-drive-able now anyway. Grief just has no logic. When others continue on in life with all their logic, it hurts us. It makes us feel pressure that we should be like that, too. But we don't want to, because we don't feel normal, and we don't want to pretend. How can we pretend that we're normal, when everything hurts? Everything hurts so much. I wish I could say something to help. Time is painful now, but I at least have found, that time helps somewhat. Just today I bawled like mad over my dad...but sometimes, over the years, the pain is less, and it has softened and isn't so heavy inside of me anymore. I hope that your pain can lessen too, so it isn't such a burden to carry. ((((hugs)))), Chai
  4. Dear Miss Ngu, Please accept my hugs for your loss and for everything you are going through now. You are not alone in wishing that this was not your life, and I can also relate to "if you can't talk with me about my feelings, I really don't want to hear about you and your life", regarding how to communicate with old friends and family in your life. They just don't understand grief, and they're afraid of it...but we have to take care of ourselves. Please, please don't compromise on that. Take care of yourself. If that means asking them to continue talking about it, as you have, then do it. Otherwise if you compromise, it will only hurt even more later... I wish I had something to say that would help. but all I can say is that I relate. I, too, feel like there's no one else to turn to for advice and comfort quite like my dad. There are some people who are pretty good, and I turn to them...but after almost 4 years, I still feel like, "I wish my dad were here to tell about this." I think I always will feel like that. No one can give advice or make me feel comforted like he did. I think that hole will always be there. ((((Hugs))))) to you, Chai
  5. I feel like I have no right to post here and expect any reply because I've been so inactive on this site for such a very very long time...I haven't spoken to any of the newcomers, though I embrace them all to my heart with love...I haven't replied to anyone's troubles or acted like I care at all, though I think of you all and I do care... It's been almost 4 years since my dad passed away. I was thinking I was ok. I've been experiencing all these inner changes in my life lately that I feel have helped me grow into a better person, a sweeter more loving person that my father would appreciate...so I've been alright, lately. Happy. Growing. Becoming more adult and responsible. I even had this young man who reminds me of my dad say he's in love with me...I don't know what I want in life, so I'm just friends with that guy right now but...I"m still attracted to people who remind me of my dad. Recently a friend of my mom's was taking me on a makeover escapade to get a haircut and new glasses. I was talking to the hair cutting salon lady about why my hair changed color, texture etc. and mentioned how my father passed away in 2008. I think I used the word "died." After years of phobia with that word, i find I can use it now. So in the car after the haircut my mom's friend, "L", was saying how she noticed that the way I talked about my father's death was as if it had happened recently. She recommended this physical therapy/emotional therapy thing called cranial sacral therapy, where they get the kinks out of your body and discuss your stress with you. I thanked her for her advice but was thinking to myself...can't a young woman still miss her dad and mourn him? He was my best friend! That comment has been in my subconscious ever since... this morning I spontaneously was looking at my personal album of photos of my dad. And I didn't cry, I smiled and had some sad moments. But then I came on here and watched that video I made in memory of my father...and I started bawling like a baby, tears streaming down my face and just sobbing uncontrollably. I DO still miss my dad intensely...I guess I've sortof been avoiding it? Not that I don't think of him, but I just thought I was OK and wasn't really doing grieving work lately. I haven't been writing him letters...but then I thought, I DO want to share with him, I DO, because so much has happened to me, in me and out of me, since 2008. I think the last time I wrote a letter to my dad was in 2009 or 2010 after college graduation. Anyway I'm rambling here. I'll stop. But I just...felt that intense grief rise up in me again and had to write about it here. Hugs and love to you all... xoxoxo Chai
  6. Just missing my dad today...;_; we made each other so happy, I miss sharing that.

  7. Hi Nicholas, I'm sorry, I must have misread one of your posts. I hope that your counseling goes very well. Please tell us if it helps, and share whatever you feel you want to from your heart. take care, Chai
  8. Dear friends, To Daughter2010, you've said everything that I've been mulling over recently...I have been reading, and hearing from dear friends, the very same thing. Think about myself. Care for myself. Don't try to change others; work on yourself. Don't worry about others. Listen to what's inside you. It's hard enough working through you, why try and work on other people? Focus on you. What you said is very powerful. You said it so beautifully! I think that is so true. It is a struggle, and this must be acknowledged. But we know and our loved ones know, this is hard. It's okay that it's difficult, we just have to keep trying, to try and be ourselves, and find out who we are again... I feel I have been getting better. I've been saying what I feel more, and when I feel that urge to say whatever it takes to avoid rejection, I quash that impulse, and instead, I go with what comes from my heart. I think this is how my dad did things, and said things, and I want to be like that. I think he would be proud of me. I feel I am really on a journey of self-discovery here. I thought I had already discovered myself, knowing what I want in life, job I want, passion, etc. But...nope. It's all getting revamped lately. I actually like getting revamped. It hurts sometimes, and it hurts when things I say or do don't please others...but the overall feeling is happiness that I am being true to myself, and that I am being honest. I want to be an honest person. And it feels good, and harmonious within myself, to speak my mind. Finally! I've repressed myself for years, always saying what *others* want to hear. Now I am done with that. Rhonda, ((((((((HUGS))))))))))), I am so sorry for your loss and pain! You are hurting right now. I know how even seeing those small things can hurt; they become big, because they hurt so much just to see them. You know you have us. There is a sense of relief when the turmoil ends, but it opens to the new turmoil of grief...it's like life is molding out a new form for us, cutting away some parts and building up others. It is painful. But you are not alone in the pain and the confusion, and I think if we just keep going and know we have help, we will come out the other side, and be able to make our loved ones proud. take care all, Chai
  9. Dear Nicholas, I am so sorry for your loss. It must be hard to have lost your dear daughter and then so soon afterwards, your son. I also come from an Eastern faith which believes in the eternity of the soul, and that after death that eternal soul travels on to better places, better bodies, better worlds, etc. But when you lose someone, even if you have faith in the person's eternal soul....well, it's nice to know that *they* are okay, but meanwhile, we feel like we are being ripped apart inside. Yes, their bodies are not permanent, their soul is eternal, but their bodies are what we knew with our material senses, and we miss that. We miss the laughter, the hugging, the special relationship, all of that. It's only natural. I think people who are detached are, in a way, fortunate, because they are more attached to that which is eternal and spiritual. Therefore there is no loss for them. But for the rest of us, we remain engaged in the temporary, and we miss the person who has gone on. There is nothing wrong with that. Perhaps one day we can get to the stage of being detached from the material and attached to the spiritual; but that is a process. We can't jump through hoops, we have to go gradually. Please give yourself time to grieve, and do not worry about what others do or do not do. Grieving is a very individual thing. People may not understand it, or you, and that seems to be a given part of it, too. Everyone faces loss in a different manner. But know that you have everyone on this site. We all are all like sisters and brothers in grief; a big, sad family, but at least we have each other. You are not alone. There are people who will relate to what you are saying on here, and there will be people whose different perspective will make you think. There are those you may disagree with, too, but that is okay. It is all individual, and it is all just...part of grieving. I hope that you find people around you who are accepting and can relate to the grief you are feeling. Please try to seek out those who will listen, and people who will care for you in your grief. We need to be taken care of in grief, for we are fragile. And share with people - on here, and out there - it helps. ((((hugs)))), take care, Chai
  10. My two weeks away were good. I went to help out with a temple in a city I never thought I'd consider living in - Los Angeles, aka "hell A", also the place my father and grandmother passed on. During my stay at the temple, I was surrounded by loving, kind people, who were focused and knew what they wanted in life - spirituality, God consciousness, love - and all they did was work towards that. Problems, they dealt with. They lived so simply. They lived in the present - day to day. I started to live day to day during my stay there...and realized, wow. I like this. It works for me! I am usually so good at worrying, and I think too much about the future and make all these "what if"s. While at the temple, I was freed from this burden. Living from day to day was a great release. I want to do it more. I've decided, I want to be more honest with myself and others. I think over the past week or so I've gotten a tad better at catching myself when I'm about to say what someone wants; I pause to think, "Is that what I really feel?" and I say what I really feel. It has caused one argument with a friend, but when she replied to me angrily, I replied honestly again, but a little kindlier, and it helped. We have since made up. I have also determined that the people who just don't really care or don't lend anything to my life - the "hi, how are you?" smalltalk people, the old high school friends who suddenly want me to come to their weddings/graduations/whatnot, I'm cutting them out. I want to live life fully, and I don't want to worry and think about tons of people who are just on the side. I want to just have the people with me who really count. That includes all of you, of course! =D You guys are wonderul. I thank you all so much for all of your care, love, sensitivity, honesty, confiding, sharing, everything. I will keep posting here, and ((((((((HUGSS!!)))))) to all of you. take care, Chai
  11. Dear all, I've been away from my town and the Internet for the past few weeks, and now I'm back. I wanted to reply to all of you, and give more of my thoughts on this. Pinkpony and BellaRosa, I think you have articulated part of this whole grief identity crisis problem...we think that we are who we are regardless of those around us, but when we lose our loved ones, we realize that those people helped form who we are. So who are we supposed to be, without them? I guess I'm supposed to have figured out the answer to this question/problem, since I'm going on 3 years now, but...I don't think I have, really. Also...I agree with what you both are saying, that we should work on ourselves. We need to. It's important! Lilac - good question. I think I've always been a people pleaser, but I thought I'd kicked it out somewhat. Lately though, I've noticed the people-pleasing more, so perhaps I haven't kicked out the problem as much as I thought. I'm definitely more outspoken than I was as a child, or a teenager, yet...I still do and say things according to what I think others want to hear, more than is necessary or healthy, I think. Anne (((hugs))), that sounds like so much to go through. I say 'sounds' because I haven't done that myself and can't claim to understand what it is like to be the one who manages crises. I think it is amazing and applause-worthy when anyone steps up to the plate like that; I myself didn't handle anything when my dad was ill, I just sortof...freaked out inside myself. Anne, you are echoing what a lot of here are feeling. We don't know what to do with ourselves, but we feel that we should work on it, on ourselves, and we have that right. Where the hell to start though? Pardon my language, it's just...I really had thought I'd been getting better at not being a people-pleaser; but I haven't, really, just got better at noticing it, or quashing it. I want to CHANGE it though, to change that habit, to make it gone for good. niamh - As always, you are sweet, and you make me want to give you big big (((HUGS))) back! I can relate to what you are saying about rejection. I feel like perhaps that is what lies at the core of my people-pleasing and my confusion about myself. Fear of failure, fear of rejection. Like what you are experiencing. I just want someone to really really love me and accept like my dad did, haha. But now I have to stand up for myself a bit more, I guess. And the more love I give, hopefully the more I get from others, right? I just have to be honest with myself, and giving and loving...like my dad. But it's one thing to say it and another to do it. niamh, I think the feeling of wanting to talk or not comes and goes, yes. BellaRose again and em - thank you for caring. (((HUGS))) It is a confusing Catch-22 jumble, it is. Lilac - yes, that's exactly it. I have to worry about myself sometimes, and especially right now, I need it. And I have to stop beating myself up (mentally) about things so much! I do that way too much. You are all so caring and wonderful. Thank you so much!
  12. Hi all, The problem is just what my title says. I feel I've lost who I am. I don't know who I am anymore. I don' know if this is because of grief, or being in limbo jobless with nothing to do and too much time to think (or not think!), or what, but...I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I am so much less comfortable with talking to people these days, even people who are very near and dear to me, people who I used to be able to talk to about everything (a couple very special friends). Some of it is that they are busy, but I think most of it is me. I don't call them, I don't visit them, and I don't talk to them about anything important. It's not that I don't want to. I do! I just don't actually do it. I thought it was laziness, but lately I've been studying myself a bit more and analyzing my interactions with people...I've noticed that, in addition to being a MAJOR people-pleaser, I seem to sortof change who I am according to who the person is that I'm talking to. I say what I think they want to hear. It's disgusting. I hate it. I value honesty. I want to be myself, and I want to not be a human sponge. I want to be reacted to, not just the reactor. I want to be able to talk to people about stuff, not just listen. Lately I feel I have nothing to say to people. I don't even feel I'm as good as I was at showing my affection to others. These are wonderful people I want to hug and show my appreciation for. But I've just...lost my touch, or something. It's not that these are mean people who take advantage of me; I'm talking best buds from childhood and stuff. I guess you could say, I am very confused, maybe dead inside, empty, and the emptiness gets filled by my taking on the needs of others. But I want to work on myself! Not others! I want to help me!! It's not selfish, it's my right. I want to be...me. Not some human sponge that does and says what others want. I think about this, but when I'm around people, even those I know and love, I get uncomfortable, and then I start saying and doings things according to them, isntead of according to what's inside of me. It's like I lost the ability to listen to my heart when my dad died or something. Please help me out. Identity crisis here. I really don't know what to do. take care, Chai
  13. Em... (((((Hugs))))). I feel the same. Just one talk would help so much. I haven't done the picture-on-a-chair thing in a while. Or even written a letter. I should. I think it'll help. I'm sorry I have nothing helpful to say. Tonight just...I started thinking about him, and missing him. So I have nothing to help, tonight. take care, Chai
  14. Hmmm...my little things are: * when the sun comes out so bright and I just get excited and I get to be out in that wonderful sun!! * clouds in the sky, the fluffy happy kind * stupid games on my phone * movies and shows that make me laugh * certain friends and just...blah * journaling, getting it out * talking to my dad's picture * spiritual stuff * going on a walk * working on writing, whether it's a novel, a poem, an article, or something stupid and quick
  15. Dear em, Please if you find any way to get excited about life...share it with me. I just sent you a reply t oyour message, which I feel is related to this, but...it's tough. I don't feel I have any concrete answers. Everything used to be so hopeful and bright, and now? Now it's just...so confusing...everyone either tells me what I should do, or doesn't know, whereas my father would've had a different method. He would've said something about following my heart or something...but...I don't know! I don't know if I know my heart and myself, without him. He was so much a part of it. ...I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't like myself much lately, and it bugs me. And my father, in his magical way, could fix this. But he's not here. No one else has that magic! Now I have to have it for myself...but at least I have all of you. =) (((hugs))), take care, Chai
  16. Kim, how are you?

  17. Dear all, I have realized that I have this awful habit of abandoning my threads when I am done...but because I am done does not mean others are, and I have found myself coming back to post more. So please, everyone, if you can, forgive me for stupidly abandoning my threads when all of you wonderful people who have helped me so much have more to say... Daughter2010, I am sorry to hear that your friends are not understanding. My theory is that people are simply afraid of grief so they shun those who are grieving. Sadly, it ends up hurting us, and I think they would be strengthened and prepared for the inevitable, to listen to our grief. I hope that since your post, your friends have improved on their sensitivity. ALso, I am with you on the sympathy thing. I am, too, 95% kind, understanding, etc. Can't people give me the same treatment I give them? It is the Golden Rule, after all. I listen to people and their problems a lot; can't they listen to mine? And grief is a whole different thing. It is so consuming. people who have not experienced really don't realize how very consuming it is. They think we are purposely snapping at them, not listening, etc. etc. But we aren't! It's just part of the process. And maybe that scares them even more and makes them abandon us even more - they see how changed we are, permanently or temporarily, by grief, and they realize it could, and will! happen to them, too, someday. Anyway I'm going on...thank you for your posts. I will try to start checking back on my threads (isn't there a "watch" function? I'll have to do that). take care, Chai
  18. Dear all, again my reply is so late. I have been out of the loop recently...I have been trying to figure out 2011 and my life, since I came back from scattering my dad's ashes in India in November...things are very confusing. I feel lost...and it's not that I want someone to tell me what to do, but I need major encouragement to feel good about myself, and as the theme of this thread seems to be...others just do not compare to the encouragement I'd get from my father. So...here I am again. I am so glad we can all share with each other and not feel as lonely, and feel that others do understand. em and loulou - I am happy, and sad, to hear that you are also feeling that your dad were so wonderfully loving to you, and now that gnawing bite of having him gone...and no one else compares. niamh - oh, I feel you. Your words about needing that encouragement that helped you take heart! That is exactly what I mean! I am sorry to hear about the job struggles. It is just s omuch harder with grief...I am jobless, and trying hard to get out of my nothing town to somewhere that nurtures me...but it is easier said than done. And if my dad were here, I think I'd be so much stronger. =D I love your story about your dad and McDonald's. That is so sweet. Sometimes it's the little things that feel most important to our hearts...I think our mothers care about us very much, but their love is divided, too; perhaps they have other children, and work, and just...I don't know. Somehow these dads of ours were so dedicated to us! It is wonderful, really, when you think about it. Continuing on this idea, that their love for us was not divided...it makes me realize that my remaining guilt, the reason it is there is not because I did anything wrong...it's because my dad loved me SO MUCH, that I feel I should have been as dedicated. But I wasn't, because I was divided! I am divided, just as my other, still-here loved ones are. School, work, friends, family...but all my dad had, was a career he was always working at (but that never got more than its foundation)...and me. Other than his work, he put all his love into me. So of course...I can never repay him. And somehow, realizing this makes me feel better. It makes me feel like, okay, I can accept that I was not able to be there in some times I wish I were...but that's because, by circumstances, I was divided. As a young person, I do not think I can say it was even *possible* for me to choose to not be divided. Young people, with school and everything...we are at the start of our lives. We are forced to be divided. But parents, they are later in life - they have less to take care of, in some ways. Plus just...my dad...he was so loving. So loving, that anything remaining that I may feel guilty for, he would forgive me for it in a heartbeat. I know he would! Also, realizing that I am a divided person, just like my still-here loved ones...it makes me able to put myself in their shoes a little bit and see. Also, it makes me want to be more loving and give my all in love for others, like my dad did. hugs and love to you, too, niamh. =) (((hugs))) to all, take care, Chai
  19. Dear Animal and Jennifer, I really love your memorial websites. They are beautiful. Animal, your photographs and your determination to use your dad's last gift, is so sweet. I think you are very brave to put your letters to your dad up online for all to see. They are very moving. And Jennifer, I love how your website has a list of contributors and so many options; perhaps I could get more people to share their stories of my dad with me, if I had a setup like that. Thank you for sharing your memorial websites. =) take care, Chai
  20. Dear hello, (((HUGSHUGSHUGS)) I am so sorry to hear about your trouble with friends! It is very hard. I wish I could give some explanation, but...all I can think of is that they are afraid of grief. I had some of my friends, admittedly not super close ones, ignore my grief or accidentally say something insensitive, and when I spoke to them about how hard it was and cried in front of them, they were so awkward and did not even hug me...but these are people who aren't super close, and have some family problems that have prevented them from being very nurturing people, sadly. Your situation sounds quite different. Still...the only reason I can think of is that they are afraid. People are so afraid of death and grief, so when they see us so sad, I believe that they imagine themselves in our situation. The idea is so frightening to them, that consciously or subconsciously, they try their best to get away from it. They do not want to be ripped apart inside like we are. Of course, they don't realize also how much it hurts us to feel so very alone... Again, ((((HUGS))). I really wish I could offer some help! I know what this feels like. I myself have fallen away a bit from close friends; but in my case, I think it's me, my not talking about it, so how can I expect them to? But your situation, it sounds like you are very open and kind, and still somehow they are pushing you away. Perhaps they are simply too afraid to face your grief. I hope that they start to pull around and get more brave, because you need them. Until that point, and beyond, we are here for you, friend. And to Nicholas - ((((HUGS)))) for you, too. I was in college when my father passed away...I did not even know he was in the hospital again, breathing his last...and after, and since I feel I have not faced up to my grief as much as I could. So, I can relate to what you are saying. You are emphasizing the importance of starting our grief journey right away, instead of holding it off until later...thank you for giving us newer ones that tip, to help us. take care, Chai
  21. Dear keyboard, sunshine and Honey... I love teddy bears and plushes, too. I love hearing of your grief plushy stories...there is something so comforting about holding our buddies. They are good for crying or laughing or talking to...they have our best interest at heart...they are always there for us. They never say anything that makes us angry or upset... I have one purple teddy that I call my sorrow teddy. She has been with me since I was a kid. She has droopy bean arms and legs, so maybe that is why she is my sorrow teddy. I don't know if she ever had a name...I hold her when I feel sad, and somehow it helps, even if I cry even harder. It still helps. I also have a giant teddy bear. I visited my dad once and one of his guests had this big teddy bear she got from the dollar store. I fell in love with him so she gave him to me. I started to have in bed by me, even though he takes up half of my little twin bed...and somehow it became habit. Now he guards my bed during the day. And if ever I feel sad, he is so fluffy and perfect for hugging...it is such a comfort to have him. After I found out about my father passing away, he was the first one I went to...very reliable, Mr. Teddy. I have been tempted to get more and more plushies and teddies to cuddle...but I am running out of space. So for now these two guys and their friends (lambie, moose, Easter bunnies, Clifford, etc). will just have to do. I am nearly 23 now, but...nothing can compare to my plushy friends. I can't let them go. I love the little guys! ((((hugs)))), take care, Chai
  22. Dear friends, It has been a couple months now, no a few since I scattered my father's and grandmother's ashes. It went well. in fact, I can say with all honesty that it was wonderful. We had two beautiful ceremonies. They were solemn, while also being peaceful. It felt very good to be able to do that for them. Especially my dad. I scattered their ashes in holy rivers, and indeed to go in those holy waters, I felt like I was purified. Like I had been wiped of heaviness. I was able to watch the ashes sink away...and not feel loss, but feel like, here's for you, dad, grandma. I love you. And having the ceremonial aspect of it present made it feel very sacred and potent. It was definitely not an empty gesture. Now that it is done, I do find that I feel less guilt about various could have should have things. It still creeps up on me sometimes, but much less. Present at the first ceremony was M and my mother, and of course the priest doing the ceremony and myself. Present at the second was me, the priest, and an old friend of my father's. One mishap was that for one ceremony, I was unable to find M. I searched all over for her, for hours, at her place of lodging, and could not find her. She does not have a phone and it was India, so...what could I do? I could not make the priest wait. I felt awful for not being able to find her, and I had a feeling it would upset her...but I was afraid that if I waited the ceremony would not take place. I wanted this specific priest, and he was very busy...he had no other free time to spare. Later I told M about the ceremony, and all she said was, "okay." Then she sent me an email on how very upset she was...and I felt horrible. I tried to explain to her the circumstances, and she said she forgave me...but I still feel like, in her heart, she probably never will. There is nothing I can do about this. It lies on me heavily; I have barely contacted her since we came back from India. She said that she went to India to scatter my dad's ashes as he requested, and I know this to be true...at the same time, we also went there to see our guru and visit holy places. And our guru had cancer at the time. So...I don't know. Fate did not want her to be there at the second ceremony. I tried my best. *sigh* I wish it had all gone down absolutely perfect with no one getting upset...but ah well. The scattering of the ashes, which was the most important part, was amazing and perfect. Just to think of it makes me happy. Thank you all so much for your support. ((((Hugs))))! take care, Chai
  23. You are not alone in your fear. I think all of us secretly fear that we will be left behind in grief. I wish I had some comforting words to say...but, is grief a journey that ever really ends? We don't "get over it", so how can it end? Thus I can't say there is an end, and without an end, how can we know when we are "done"? I don't know... I haven't posted here a lot lately, but I have dreams of my father and miss him very much. I feel totally confused and lost in life, I am supposed to be moving out and getting a job, doing all that young post-college stuff, but without my dad to encourage me...it feels so empty and useless...it's not exciting at all. If you are grieving years from now, that is okay. Grief takes a long time. We are all at various points in our grief, but there are people on here who've been here a long while and still have things to say on the matter. And I don't think this is something we ever stop *feeling* about... (((((Hugs))))), take care Chai
  24. Hi beaker, I am glad to hear that you first day back at work was tolerable. That day can be a very tough one. You made it! Of course you need encouragement. This is a very tough thing we are all going through, and sometimes even on our stronger days we need encouragement. I think it is the toughest thing anyone ever has to go through. Those who have not yet stepped out on this journey simply cannot imagine. I am sending waves of love and peace your way. May you feel strength as you continue on, at work and at home. ((((Hugs)))), take care, Chai
  25. This is a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing!
×
×
  • Create New...