heartbroken

Not Coping, Is there someone who can help you with that? People feel better when they can do something positive to help you. Don't be afraid to ask. You might be pleasantly surprised. It's easier to work with someone else, and I have found that staying busy helps me at times--not always, but sometimes it does. My husband has helped me find things also. A couple of times when I was particularly inconsolable, things got knocked down (a stack of books, a perfume bottle, a picture off the wall). I think he was letting me know he was upset that I was upset. Anyway, see if you can get some help with those preparations. You have enough to deal with without the stress of doing that by yourself. Heartbroken

It's been six weeks since my husband died and nine weeks since I was able to talk to him person to person. I hate the holidays also, but honestly I don't think it will be better when they are past. I could be wrong. It is definitely not easy seeing other people so happy when I am so unhappy. I have gone to family events. I have to. I think sometimes it is easier holding it together for others than it is for yourself. When my husband was in the hospital, I held it together for him. Now I find I do it for family, but there is a limit on how long I can do this at a time. Okay, this next part may sound crazy. I talk to my husband all the time. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I fuss, and sometimes I just talk about what I am feeling and what's going on. I honestly feel he can hear me. It helps me to believe that. I feel his presence with me, and that is comforting. Hang in there with me, Not Coping. We may not solve each other's problems, but we can understand because we are both going through it. I knew my husband for 42 years, and we were married for 36 years. We were suppose to just walk off into the sunset together at the end of our lives--not with one getting left behind. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Heartbroken

I don't understand it, but after I read your replies, I feel better. Usually, I cry while I'm reading them, but I feel better. Maybe it is because you have all gone through what I am going through, and I can hear it in your messages. This was my second time to post, but I will again. I cannot begin to tell you how much this means to me. Thank you.

I lost my husband to cancer last month. It has been almost six weeks. I'm not getting better, but I am learning to deal with it minute to minute. Certain things set me off worse than others. I get angry when I see married couples shopping together. I get upset because I wonder why they get to keep their husband, and mine was taken. I know that is unreasonable and not at all nice, but I feel it just the same. I can't listen to music because that makes me break down. So many little things can cause me to just crumble. Last night, I learned that my mother has breast cancer. I just keep wanting to scream, "Why?" What did I do to deserve this?!! It is so unfair. I know that everything is not all about me, but right now it seems like it is. They say that God doesn't give us more than we can deal with. That is a lie! It was a lie when my husband died, and it is a bigger lie now!! Heartbroken

I am so sorry you lost your dad and that you are also going through all these feelings. I wish no one would ever have to feel this pain. Maybe we can help each other through this. God Bless You, Heartbroken

I lost my husband to cancer on the 7th of November. We found out he had cancer on the 26th of September. He had stomach cancer and they said he had had it for two years, but there were no symptoms. It was six weeks from start to finish. We had no idea it would be so fast. For the last three weeks he was out of it. He didn't know where he was or who anyone was. He had one surgery on the 26th (exploratory). A week later, he had surgery again trying to fix things. This one created a bowel blockage which made it impossible to get food down by mouth or his feeding tube. His weight dropped to the point that he looked like the pictures of hollocost victims. All the fluids in his body went to his abdomen. We had to buy large pants so he could go to the doctor. A week later, on a Wednesday, he had his first and only chemo. The next day, they drained his fluids which dehydrated him and put him in the hospital emergency room. They put him in ICU where he stayed for the last two weeks of his life. He was not concious of any of that. I stayed with him night and day. I was afraid not to be there. The nurses kept making serious mistakes. It seemed that all I did during this time was fight nurses, doctors, and the hospital. I couldn't do anything that helped. I just had to watch my precious husband's life slip away. I thought that was the hardest thing I could ever do. I was so wrong. At least then I could look at him and hold his hand. He didn't realize he was going to die so quickly. I have spent this month going through papers, familiarizing myself with all our finances, dealing with insurance, social security, and our broker. It has kept me busy most of the time--but not all of the time. I have what I have named the "whooshes". They will hit at any time. I will suddenly realize he is really gone. My stomach will drop to the floor, and my chest constricts and I have to work at breathing. It seems the longer I go, the worse the pain gets. I just break down and cry at the drop of a hat. My work gave me two months leave. I hope that is enough. The holidays are not making this better. I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide. The thing is that I can't hide from the pain. I always thought I could imagine what people went through. I had no idea. How can you hurt so much and not bleed? Half of my soul has been ripped out.