Daddy's Girl

That is a really good idea. I have a slide show that I made for my dad, for use at his memorial. I love making scrapbooks and things like so I think that will not only be good for the baby, but probably very theraputic for me. Thanks for the suggestion.

Hi everyone, I have been on this post before, not long after my father died. It really helped to talk and share with others who felt similiar to the way I felt. I lost my father in December 2005. It was a very hard time for me especially since I was Daddy's Girl. Before my dad got sick and before he died, my husband and I were trying to get pregnant. Then after he died I decieded I wasn't ready and we stopped trying for a while. Well in the past two months or so I wanted to try again. I found that I couldn't pass a baby or even baby clothes in the store without stopping and looking. So, my husband and I started trying again and low and behold this month we got pregnant. I am almost 6 weeks along. I was doing okay, and believing that it was the right time for us to start our family. Isn't the saying "when one life ends another begins?" However, last night was really hard. For some reason I just started sobbing while I was trying to fall asleep, I was missing my dad really bad. I starting thinking about funny times and the expressions on his face and I relaized my child is never going to see those things. I just keep thinking I was doing so good, I hadn't cried or felt sad in about a month. I know that for me the pregnancy hormones have played a small role in my emotional roller coaster the past couple days, but I am not sure how to not feel so sad. I want to be a mom more than anything in the world, but now I can't help but wonder was it too soon? Any thoughts on the subject would be great. Anyone else experience the same or similiar situations? Anything would help. Dayna

Just to add: I too live in Phoenix AZ and HOV is offering support groups around fathe's day as well. I believe they are offering the group on the Thursday before Father's Day. Sorry I don't have more info, I threw out the flyer. The have also teamed up with Habitat for humanity to help build houses. Which I think is great. Daddy's Girl

Janice I am glad you found this site and I hope it offers you some comfort. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My father passed in December, 2005. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and given a few months. He passed a week and a half later. Talk about quick. This was a great website to look through and find support in. Although I do not also post my reactions to everything, I feel better reading the stories. Good luck with everything and I wish you well. Dayna

I just read your post after having an absolutely horrible day yesterday. I understand completely how you feel. I have been on the site before and shared that I lost my father in December of 2005. Things were going okay for me lately. I felt that I was coming to terms with the way things were, but then a few days ago I started feeling out of control again. Maybe because Easter just passed, I don't know. My family and I were not extremely religious, but we always spent the holidays together. When I woke up on Sunday and realized that I had absoultely nothing to do and no where to be, I felt horrible. Anyway the feeling carried over to Monday morning. On the way to work I almost got a speeding ticket, due to the fact I was upset about an arguement that my husband and I got into that morning. Then at work (I'm a teacher), I asked a student why he was rolling his eyes and making faces everytime I talked. He responsed with "Because I hate you." Right in front of my entire class (5th graders). I kept my composure and sent him to the office, but I felt like yelling at him and telling him to leave my room and never come back. Most kids are very compassionate and understanding, but this one is horrible. I felt just like quitting and leaving it all. Today is a little better, I guess. I am still feeling down and like I want to run away. It feels so horrible when a few weeks go by and you feel better, then one morning you wake up and it's horrible all over again. Sorry to ramble, just wanted to share. Daddy's Girl

Angie, I am so sorry for your loss. Many hugs I understand the feeling of lossing your father so young. My dad had just turned 52, two weeks before he died. I was only 23 at the time (24 now). It was truely the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. It happened quite suddenly. He had liver cancer and the doctors said a few months, but it only ended up being a week and a half. I was daddy's girl and some days at the beginning were so unbearable. They were down right miserable and I didn't know what to so with myself. I know how you feel about not being able to talk about it with others. A lot of people looked at me like why was I not over it yet. It takes time. One thing that did help for me was talking to a counselor. My dad was with Hospice and they offer 13 months of counseling for the family, so I took advantage of it. It helps to have an outsider listen and tell you their perspective of the situation. She really validated alot of my feelings. When it comes to your mom, my mom seemed to be handling things okay too at first. Lately she has become somewhat reckless and a different person. I used to be able to talk to her, to an extent, but lately she has been a bitch (for lack of a better word). To you, your mom may be handling everything just fine, but she might be falling apart inside. First things first though, and take care of yourself. Remember that its okay to cry and hurt and be upset. It takes time and eventually you'll feel better. Although you may not believe it, things will get better. Take care, Daddy's Girl

Cynthia, I have to agree with what everyone is saying about you seeing your dad. My father passed away in December and I had time with him before he died and I still feel like it wasn't enough. My sister on the other hand was not as lucky. Her and my father always butted heads on a lot of issues. Their last full conversation, they were fighting with each other. Although he was sick for a while his death was sudden and none of us were sure what to do with ourselves after he passed. She was left with many things that were never said and it hurts her everyday. Although she doesn't say it I can see it on her face. Keep in mind that once your father is gone there won't be any more opportunities to hug him and say "I love you." Even if you didn't have a good relationship with him, you really should make ammends and you deserve to feel better without living the rest of your life upset with yourself for not seeing him or wondering what if. Good luck, Daddy's Girl

I am back from my trip to Pennsylvania. My husband and I as well as my sister and mom went to spread my dad's ashes. We found a beautiful spot in the Poconos right over a Dam. It was a spot I know my dad would have loved. It was really hard and emotional. When we got to the spot I wasn't sure if I was ready for it, but I had to be. I cried a lot, but knew that was what he wanted and I had to remind myself that was what the trip was all about. We saved some of his ashes to bring home with us and I am going to look into getting something to put the ashes in. I am thinking some type of jewelery. One strange thing did happen though, while we were at the Dam I took a lot of pictures and I even took a picture of the ashes after we spread them (I know that may sound weird). I really wanted those pictures, even though I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them. I used a digital camera to take the pictures and I forgot to down load the pictures on my laptop that night. The next day when I went to show a close family friend the pictures on the camera, the pictures were all gone. I looked through the camera and so did my husband, but the pictures were gone. I was extremely upset, because everything was gone and I can't get those pictures back. Has anyone had a similar situation, where something is there one minute and then gone the next when dealing with a loved one that has passed? My sister said, that maybe my dad didn't think I should have those pictures so maybe that's why they disappeared. I don't know what to think. confused Daddy's Girl

I am truely sorry for your loss. As for me I don't know if the pain ever goes away it just becomes milder, it almost takes on a different form. I still have the urge to call my dad when I have a bad day or just call him to see how he is doing. When I get the urge I feel so empty. I remember when my dad first died and I went back to work, I thought that I was never going to make through the days. I am a teacher so the first week back I did not do a lot of teaching, but the following week I made myself get up in front of that classroom and it helped. Partly because kids need so much attention they don't let you think about anything else. It helped to distract me. I am also working on my master's and I started working out. I try to keep myself busy so that I do not get caught up in feeling empty. What keeps me going is that I know my dad would not want me walking around like a zombie. He was so proud of me and he would want me to continue the things that I did when he was alive. Most days are hard, but what you find is that the sad days seem to get further and further apart until it only happens once in a while. I hope this helps. Daddy's Girl

I have heard that the ashes of a loved one can be placed in some kind of small trinket. Ironically enough, I heard it from one of my students (5th grader). I wasn't sure if I believed her until you said it. Thank you. I will probably just put them in some type of small urn for now and look into that later. Some people have given me funny looks when I said we are spreading my dad's ashes, but I am going to keep some. They said that it was strange to "split" him up like that. Can anyone offer some insight? Is it weird to be doing this?? Daddy's girl

Thanks Steve I actually did talk to my mom about things and I decieded that I will keep some of my father's ashes. I know it sounds weird. I don't want to deny him his final wish, but I am not ready to let go of all of him either. I have a small jar that he and my mom gave me from a trip they took and I am going to keep a small portion of the ashes in it and keep it somewhere that means something to both of us. That is my way of letting him have what he wants and letting me get what I want. I feel ready for this trip because I too need to continue living my life. I know my father would not want me to stop living because he has. Most days its really hard, but I have to keep going and moving forward. It also helps that I have a counselor that I am talking to, to help me sort everything that is in my head.

Thanks you, Shell and Clam. The date is getting closer for when we have to leave and I am a little more yet a little less nervous. I know it is what my dad wants and my family and I are doing it for him. It wasn't something he mentioned once or twice he said it a lot, so I think it is a good thing that we are doing. I can still hear him saying it, he would smile and laugh and sound like that was all he wanted. Somedays are just so hard I want to just close my eyes and run away. I miss my dad so much and my heart aches so much. I would give anything to talk to him just once more and ask him how he is doing. Sorry, here I go rambling. Anyway, Clam I think you are right about clearing my head up in the mountains. It will be a chance for me to make peace with what has happened. It will be an amazing trip and your right if not for my dad I wouldn't be taking this trip. I just wish that he was coming with us. Well... I guess in a way he is. Thanks for your kind words and advice.

I too lost my dad about two weeks before Christmas. I was 23 and he was only 52 (just turned 52). I felt the same way at first. Everytime I went to the house (my parents), it seemed harder than the time before. Everyday that passed made it seem more real. I cried more instead of less. I am a teacher and currently working on my masters degree and at first it was all snow balling on me and I thought I couldn't handle it. I just kept pushing myself through so that way I wouldn't think about it. I haven't decieded yet if that was a good idea or not. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband. This weekend was hard and I cried for about 2 hours Saturday morning and he just hugged me and told me he loved me. Don't let anyone tell you that its not okay to cry. It is more than okay to cry, it can actually make you feel better after a while. My dad had liver cancer and we found out too late. We all found out on a Wednesday and the following Saturday he was gone. There wasn't even a chance for him to discuss getting a liver transplant. Everytime I think about it I feel more and more alone. My birthday just passed and it was so hard knowing that he wasn't going to call me and say "happy birthday." There is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better. Just know that the pain will seem less as time goes on. There will be major milestones in your life where it will be hard to get through it without him, but you will get through it, even though it doesn't always seem like it. Good luck to you and remember to make sure you take care of yourself. Dayna

Good morning to all, I am writing to ask for some advice. My father passed away a few months ago and everday is a challenge. From the time that I can remember my dad used to say when he died he wanted to be creamated and his ashes spread in the Pocono mountains of Pennsylvania. My mom, sister, husband and I are going to do this for him in a few weeks. We have our plane tickets, rental car and hotel so we are good to go. I am very nervous about this. I feel like it will be very hard and I feel like he is dying all over again when I think about spreading his ashes. Here are my questions. Has anyone had to spread their parents ashes? How did it feel? How did you get through it? Does it feel like closure or does it feel again like a tremendous loss? Any advice would help. Thanks, Daddy's Girl