I lost my mom/my best friend/my whole life to cancer 7 months ago at the age of 56. The year she was sick, I decided to quit my job and move back home to take care of her. At the end of her brave fight, she was in the hospital for almost two months and I spent day and night there. I only came home to shower (if I couldn't shower at the hospital). After my mom passed away, I remember everyone telling me "it gets better", but I'm still waiting and it's not better at all. If someone could die of grief, I would be gone by now. I'm 30 years old and feel like I still need my mommy to get through the day. I spoke to her every single day, she was a regular part of my daily life and I find it so difficult to keep on going. Sometimes I catch myself thinking "oh I have to tell mom what happened". I'm an only child and sometimes I wish I had siblings to help me get through this. I feel very much alone in this process. I'm not married and have no children and although my step-father is a great man, we never had a chance to develop the father-daughter relationship. He has other kids, which is actually nice and I hope that helps him keep going. I feel utterly alone. I feel like nobody understands the pain I'm going through and at times, I have a hard time finding motivation to "keep going". Who am I staying strong for? I'm totally alone in this world now. I couldn't bear to spend Christmas with my family this year. This is the first Christmas without my mom and I felt that I was too emotional to get through the day and didn't have enough energy to pretent that I was ok. Christmas was my mom's most favorite holiday, it was "our" holiday. I spent my first Christmas without my mom locked up in my apartment with her robe on and crying the entire time. My eyes are so swollen and I have a huge headache from crying the last 2 days. It feels like she passed away yesterday. I just can't bear to go through this. I think about my future and I just see darkness. I see nothing happy and I don't think I can handle that. I've always been a strong person but it doesn't look like I'm surviving this and I have no idea what to do. I'm so desperate and I am begging anyone for any advice. What are you all doing and is it helping? Does it eventually get better?
