I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mother 2 months ago, 2 weeks prior to her birthday. As a result, I have been left orphaned in that I have no siblings and no communication with my father. When my mother passed, I had to spread the news to her friends and some of them were downright beligerent towards me for not telling them that she was ill despite the fact that the time between her being checked into the hospital and passing away was less than 30 hours. I didn't take their words personally and don't hold any resentment towards them as nobody can predict how someone will react to such painful news. I'm not sure if it was something I read or observations I had of others passing, but I embraced a policy of tolerance when it came to the people grieving around me. They would say things and make comments some times that would cut pretty deep in an effort to connect with me but I just let them either speak briefly or I would excuse myself from conversation and head elsewhere for a brief moment. I say this because your father's reaction was his instinct and perhaps his way of coping with a loss that was overwhelming him despite the fact that it hurt you. In fact, his actions may seem selfish but they are rooted in (IMHO) fear, grief, and uncertainty of the future... and most of all, a beautiful and compassionate effort to keep your mother peaceful. Be empathetic towards that side of him and take care of him because he needs you now more than ever despite his actions... as I'm sure you need him. As far as the future goes, the first 6-7 weeks were tolerable but now the pain has finally surfaced and my sorrow is excruciating. I visit my mother's grave often and am left sobbing like a child and can hardly breath (a 38yr old man, sobbing like a child). I know this is healthy and normal and I welcome it. My only advice to you is to let the pain flow through you when it wants to. That pain (IMHO) is the feeling of honoring your love towards your mother and shouldn't be something to be ignored or rushed through. Many people told me that my mother was in a good place when she passed. I believe this is true. But I also think that wherever my mother is, she is also grieving a bit for having to leave me. Every tear I shed honors her spirit's grief as well and I welcome every moment of it until we are both eventually at peace. Best of luck to you and take care of yourself and your loved ones.
