brendal

Bdzack, I know exactly what you mean about the Brad Paisley song "Waitin on a Woman." I thought the same thing when I heard it!! And the mall that is mentioned in the song is actually the one in the town where I live! After reading your posts again, I can tell you and I are similar in a lot of ways. I too am an only child, so I don't have a lot of family. Most of my friends are married, so they have their own 'couple' lives and although they are good friends to me, they really don't have a clue--and I just don't try to explain to them--because it would probably make them feel uncomfortable. In my two dreams, it seemed as though my husband had come to visit me. In one he held out his arms and said 'Look, I'm OK.' During the last couple of years before he died, he used to tell me that when he dreamed about his deceased parents that he thought it was them paying him a little visit-- so that is what I make of the dreams I had of him. This site is such a good place to come and read about the things you are also feeling, and then you don't feel that you are so crazy after all. Marsha, You seem like a very independent and capable person--running a business on your own now. I know it must be very hard, and you have only been at this 6 1/2 months. But you are right--we just have to do what has to be done and don't sweat the small stuff. I too am learning to do that. It seems like the grocery store is where I have a hard time too--it's the little things we miss the most; I still have a hard time coming home to an empty house..sometimes I leave the tv on just so there will be noise when I come home. Thanks so much for your good thoughts. Peace to you too. Brenda

Bdzack, I am also new to posting here. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, and still have a lot of the same feelings as you. I too just can't seem to focus on the things that need to be done. I had a list of things to be done this weekend, and finally did a few of them today. I used to love to shop, with or without my husband (he actually liked to shop too). I will be in my house and think of things I want to buy, but when I go to the store or the mall, I just don't want to be there, and usually end up leaving without buying what I need. Is that crazy or what? Lately, I have been shopping on-line more just because I don't want to go into the stores. I have only had two dreams of my husband in 2 years. They were very vivid and it just seemed like I could touch him. When I woke, I actually had chills because it seemed so real. However, there have only been 2; I don't understand how I can have dreams of people that I haven't seen in years, or people that are very insignificant to me, but I don't dream of my husband that I think about all the time and miss so much. I too had trouble sleeping after my husband died. I did sleep in our bed from the very first night and never even thought about sleeping anywhere else. I like being in the bed where we slept. But at first I would go to sleep, then wake up in an hour or two and stay awake for several hours. Then I started not being able to go to sleep at all. After a couple of months I talked to my doctor and started taking a mild dose of a sleeping pill (I actually cut the pill into 4th's). But at least I can sleep now, and that is important; especially when you have to work the next day. I have tried going to sleep without the pill and I can't do it. Like you, we were at the age that we were ready to enjoy life...had built a new home that we planned to retire in, had one grandchild, and we had so many plans to travel, etc. Now there is another grandchild on the way, and he will not be here to see it. Life just doesn't seem fair, when I see all my friends and neighbors enjoying lives like we had planned. I am so sorry you had to join this group. Hope that your week goes well. Brenda

Gail, I am new to posting here. However, I have read many of your posts and we are on a similar time frame, as next week it will be 2 years since I lost my husband. He was 61 and we had been married 36 years. It is very comforting to know that so many others have the same feelings that I have experienced and am still experiencing. My thoughts are with you and others on this board as we go through these anniversaries. I have already been helped by reading all your posts. Thanks for expressing your feelings so freely as it is so helpful to me. Hugs and all the best to you, Brenda