Donna

I know how you feel. I don't see myself having a future. But it is only two weeks since I lost my husband of 47 years. I still refuse to let down my defenses. I am afraid to. Everyone tells me it takes time. How much depends on you. My sister never did get over the loss of her husband and it has ruined her life. If you really love your husbands memory, keep it in a safe place and look for places to volunteer your time. That is the best way to go back to living. Sounds corny I know. Wish you well.

Thank you to all who responded to my posts. I am still hanging on to sanity. The nurses at the hospital say the more you control things the longer it will take to let go. I am so afraid if I let go I won't get back in control. Silly Huh!! But now my daughter is having problems with kidney stones so I am focusing on helping her right now.

My name is Donna. My husband David was diagnosed in April with an inoperable tumor in his right lung. It was attached to a major artery. The biopsy confirmed it was cancer. Stage four. In may after starting radiation and chemotherapy he suffered a massive stroke on the right side of his brain. All the drs were warning me he would die. But he survived and even recovered enough to walk and do small chores. He had physical therapy and was making giant leaps. Then he caught a cold, [i thought] I took him to the dr, then to the er, then to a neurologist and pulmonary dr. Before I could get all the results he woke up monday in a great deal of pain. I called 911 and they took him to the er. They started strong pain meds and antibiotics. That day the pulmonary dr called to say his ct scan showed the cancer had spread and he was in the final stages. I took him home Christmas Eve and he died the day after Christmas. We had our guests for dinner and took turns talking to him, because they said he can hear us, he just can't respond. At 8:17AM Dec 26th he took his last breath. He was not alone and I stayed with him so I could hold him until they came for him. It was all I could do at the time. But now I live as if he is off on a fishing trip and will be home any day. How long does that last. I have to call upon God to give me strength every day and all thru the day. I don't even know how I got thru the funeral. But now I feel so lonely. So not ready to go on with life. But I will go on, because I am president of a ladies club and I have responsibilities. There are many members who have already gone thru what I am now going thru. I pray they can hand me some of their wisdom.

one more hour? I would love that! He was a special man and loved everyone. Sometimes I was jealous of the time he gave to others when I wanted him to myself. I miss the hugs most of all. The way he would rub my back and caress my hair. I am still in the early stages of grief. He passed away on Dec 26, 2008. Not even two weeks yet. It hurts so bad sometimes I just want to lay down and join him. Donna

I don't think you are crazy, or else I am too. My husband Dave died on Dec 26th 2008. It was so hard watching him die before my eyes and not be able to do anything about it. He had cancer that was supposed to be "stable" but in five days from the time I found the cancer was back, he was gone. I held him in my arms for the last time that morning at 8AM. I couldn't even hug him towards the end because his pain was so bad. I still can't seem to accept that he is gone. Typing these words seem to make it more real and the tears are falling. Love Donna Adams