Michelle

Dear Hans & Marty thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my posting. Hans - I am sorry about the loss of your Mom. Thank you for the advice and my new "mantra" I don't do grief, it does me. Marty - you wrote so many wonderful things. So many great suggestions and once I stop crying (again) I plan on reading everything you suggested. As ridiculuous as our company policy is (3 days for a parent) I fortunately have been there long enough that taking as much time as I need shouldn't be an issue. I wonder why it isn't longer? I definately have been trying to keep myself distracted however am realizing I'm not able to completely concentrate. I imagine that's to be expected, it has only been 3 days. I can't say enough how fortunate I am to have come across this site. Thank you so much for a wonderful site. Michelle

Hi, my name is Michelle. My Mom died 2 days ago from Pancreatic Cancer. We hadn't seen each other since Christmas because of what now is because of something so trivial. Thankfully I'd written her letters and sent flowers on several occasions so I'm certain she knew that if anything I loved her. It doesn't seem real. I cried my eyes out when I first learned of her death and then was distraught when my brother wouldn't let me see her body. I felt like I needed to see her to believe it. (He is a whole other dsyfunctional issue). Fortunately I have been seeing a great counselor helping with the family crap and I'm not mentally beating myself up over this. But I don't understand grief and the "grieving process." I stumbled across this web site and can't read enough. It seems to be answering some of my questions. I'm seeing that people grieve in different ways and that its a process of learning how to cope. Is it normal for me to be reading the paper one minute and crying the next? To dream of her? To wonder if she can see me? When is it a healthy time to return to work? How do I deal with people coming up to me with their condolences? I'm a good one for "pretending" something didn't happen or stuffing things. I just don't want to freak out years from now because I didn't "properly" grieve. I loved my Mom so much. We weren't as close as I wished but I'm so sad to think about never being able to hug her, to hear her voice, to hear her laugh, to hear her say my name. I am so sad. I'll keep reading this site and working on it one hour at a time. Thank you for this great outlet for people to get comfort.