Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Karen MH

Contributor
  • Posts

    9
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Karen MH

  • Birthday February 18

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    11-1-08
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Hospice of the Valley, Sun City West, Arizona

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://
  • ICQ
    0

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Sun City West, AZ
  • Interests
    classical piano music and performance<br /><br />ballet, tap, musical theatre<br /><br />audio engineering<br /><br />teaching computers
  1. Dearest Chai, Yes! You understand exactly the joy of making music: I choose what feeds me at the moment. "The Dance of the Fugitive Cowboy" is an amazing adrenaline rush. In fact it was an encore at the Aspen Music Festival. I started learning it in July--five months before Sid died. Of course, at the time I didn't realize that the music was helping my spirit and body keep going on the earth while his was fading into heaven... In between playing "Fugitive" I love to work on some Mozart and Beethoven, my all time favorite composers. Their compositions (even the same ones!) have nourished me since I was in college! Time and practice IS required; and chiefly, two things make that happen: 1.) I enjoy what I'm learning; and 2.) periodically I have a reason to play for others--like Christmas music for a group, liturgy, my family, friends; a concert at the college where I taught; a funeral Mass; a service at the synagogue. a recital at the theatre, etc. From Sid's life-after-life experience 20 years ago, I have learned (in Sid's words) that "heaven cannot be described in any human way. The peace, love, warmth are beyond all human communication." Your dad and Sid ARE AT HOME and very possibly are up there right now smiling at each other and at us: loving our whole conversation about them. Shalom (the Peace that Surpasses All Understanding) Karen MH
  2. Dearest Chai, Are you surrounded only by people in your age group? Any older people around? grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.? Generally, the older people are, the more likely they 1. have experienced what you have and can relate; 2. understand feelings and know what to do with them; 3. know what support you need. Do you have a study partner, study group, tutor, etc. to help you keep on track in your coursework? Do your professors know what has happened for you? I know that "grief fog" is common for the first year or so, and I would definitely need someone to "hold my hand" to help me remember due dates, requirements, etc. Good for you for going to counseling. That takes care of Mondays. For other days of the week, are there grief support groups at your faith organization, school, town? Try each one maybe, or just one. Are there poetry clubs at your school? Maybe you could hear others' poetry as well as share your own. (You write beautifully!) Many times, poets are sensitive and more likely to understand your feelings. I hope you find ALL the wonderful support that is out there. The reciprocal is that others would be very blessed to know your spark, life, and energy. Blessings, Karen MH
  3. Chai, I'm neither a composer nor a poet, but I do love to make music at my piano, and have since I was five years old. For 57 years, playing the piano has brought me back to my center through all sorts of turmoil--good and bad. (Isn't it interesting how the passage of time can change the verdict on what ultimately is "bad" and what ultimately is "good"? Right now I'm hard at work on Alberto Ginastera's "Dance of the Fugitive Cowboy," a journey of wild desperation and energy that ends in descending major chords and a double glissando. A Very Exciting Work in which the hombre excapes! So pull out your stringed lyre or Indian flute, etc. and create your own music! Karen MH
  4. Wow, Kim. my heart goes out to you in all that you have suffered. I never imagined a crook setting up a bogus memorial fund!!! Unbelievable. So... clever woman that you are, HOW did you discover the My Space in Dan's name??? Sad to say, evidently we all need to learn how... Gratefully, Karen MH
  5. Like many people, Sid and I experienced several credit card fraud attempts on our account last year. We consequently had to slog through disgusting paperwork, phone calls, followup credit checks, and just plain exasperation. Unfortunately, identity theft is a threat not only for the living, but especially for the dead. Thieves read obituaries or even attend funerals to get a deceased person's name, birth date, and death date, and with that information get the social security number. Then the thief raids your loved one's accounts for a very long time before anyone finds out. Because Vital Statistics takes a month to issue death certificates in Maricopa County, there's another possible scenario: again from obituary or funeral information, the thief goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles, and says, "My name is Sid________. I've lost my driver's license and need a replacement." Because DMV does not know for a full month that Sid________ is dead, the department hands over a new driver's license. The thief is once again off and running. Following are some precautions that reduce chances of idendity theft when there is a death. Perhaps, you know others... Notify your credit card company(ies) immediately after the deathDo not publish the obituary until 1. the death certificates have arrived, and 2. you have written to each of the three credit rating agencies with a copy of the death certificate Hope this helps someone out there... *** btw, don't leave your house unattended while at a memorial service, etc. *** Karen MH
  6. memorial at my house... Our Hospice of the Valley chaplain told me that home memorials are always the best--the most spiritual, warm, comfortable, wonderful, and lovely. Since I had no idea how many people would come, he also suggested that I ask people to bring a dish to share/a beverage and/or a folding chair....or nothing! Just come! Most people brought all three. Some one or two, and some none. No one felt burdened, starting with me. Chaplain Ken was completely right. About 90 people came. A priest celebrated the Mass on our back porch (in Arizona). Friends and family overflowed into the other attached living areas with big sliding glass doors in between, etc. A friend played hymns on my piano. I made a huge bouquet of bougainvillea from our yard for under the round glass table over which the celebrant presided. Sid's ashes were in a handmade mahogany box with the Star of David in relief on the top. I placed the box on a living room bookcase shelf about chest height. So his ashes were present, but not a morbid centerpiece. When it was time for Mass to begin, I struck a brass prayer bell three times, about a minute apart in various parts of the house. A beautiful Silence descended. Also, I had prepared a booklet of the prayers and songs (at least 1/3 of the guests were Jewish, as was my husband) with Sid's picture on the front and back covers. After Mass, several friends took over the kitchen, made a serving line, etc. I didn't have to do anything, ever, except what I was needed to do: pray, be, and receive the love of our friends and family. Just as the Chaplain said, the service was the most wonderful imagineable. Countless people said it was by far the most lovely memorial service they had ever attended. Your Job: relax and let everybody else take over. They feel better for being able to DO something for you. Not to mention those excellent leftovers and zero cost. By the way, two weeks prior we also sat Shiva at our house. The prayers and sharing were non-stop anti-grief nourishment. But more on that another time. Love and shalom, Karen MH
  7. Hi Kim, Many people have extended their support and sympathy, as do I. I don't have anything special to add, but instead have a question (a bit off the subject) regarding your pharmacy technician interests. Do you mind me asking where one gets such training, in particular the IV/compounding education? I would appreciate knowing because my son has similar interests, but is stymied now because of the grief, and a sense of confusion and futility resulting from Sid's death November 1st. Relative to my son, I'm not doing so hot either. Today I came across yet more of Sid's personal items--after I thought I'd finished it all a month ago. Finding more things took me back emotionally to the first few days after his death. The whole thing was downright creepy. I even had had a good day today, and in spite of that, this creepy, yukky, cold feeling came winging right into me... The stuff remains stashed in the laundry room. I cannot deal with it. Thanks for any info you can share on the pharmacy tech advanced training... Karen MH
  8. Hi Walt, In January '05, my husband Sid and I had lived in Arizona just over a year. His doctor had already a few years before said that Sid had nine lives. At that point he had used up 7 or 8, starting in 1990 with a life-after-life experience. These last 5 years Sid used up most of another nine lives. My son and I alternated between being totally freaked and "oh-well, here we go again." Sid on the other hand, having had a taste of heaven and given the choice of living more on earth or going on to heaven, was truly almost unconcerned for himself. His concern was chiefly about the worry and fear his illness caused Dave and me. He tried hard (unsucessfully!) to convince me that I should not worry so much, etc. I know that was/is the ideal, but I could not grasp it in my heart. Sid died on All Saints Day '08--fittingly, because he was definitely one of them--even on earth (well, usually. ) One of the many gifts he left me was the memory of the true ecstacy in his eyes as he realized he was returning to God. He said that no human communication could explain how wonderful heaven is. So back to January, 2005. Sid decided then at age 71 to start learning to tap dance. We had the most marvelous times learning how to shuffle, step, tip, etc., perform on stage, wear various crazy/wonderful costumes. Sid even went on to perform on "the main stage" in a comedy that had six players. The show had 15 sold out performances. In short, he continued enjoying life as much as (Sid)humanly possible. Our class mates were frequently awed by his determination to keep going, learning, doing, loving, being. One result is that I was at tap class yesterday, ballet and musical theatre today, more tap tomorrow, etc. My grief disappears the second I'm trying to quickly remember which comes first--the tip or the tap! Hope this helps, Karen MH
  9. Dear Kim, In Marty's fabulous book, Finding Your Way Through Grief, she has a whole section on minimizing stress in order to help with grief. Playing the lawyer's game is like gambling, except that the stress and frustration increases every minute for years. The lawyer's have nothing to lose (my first husband was one) because they don't have enough to do anyway. IF they win, it is gravy for them several years from now--not necessarily for you. Meanwhile, your LIVING and GRIEVING and RECOVERING have Titannic size anchors pulling them into dark waters. I lovingly suggest something positive and productive on which to focus your soul's attention and life's strength. Perhaps others can make some suggestions as to what. Sincerely, Karen MH
×
×
  • Create New...