Two days ago my golden retriever, my best friend, and my constant companion died after a short but traumatic fight. For months the vets had suspected that he had multiple myeloma but all of the tests were inconclusive. Even now, though they are strongly suspicious he had it, they still don't have a definitive diagnosis. It does not matter now. Up until a month or two ago, Jakey was acting like his normal happy, wonderful self. He followed me wherever I went throughout the house, he barked when his buddy Scarlett barked or the doorbell rang, he ate his rawhides and generally loved life they way only goldens can. A couple of months ago he began slowing down. Jakey had serious hip dysplasia as a puppy and the rescue organization from which we got him generously paid to have a hip replacement surgery. So a couple of months ago when he didn't want to sit when we let him out, or had trouble getting up I attributed it to him being an older dog and did not think too much about it. Sadly, unbeknownst to anyone his bones were being weakened. Friday, we took him to the vet so he could have his hips x-ray'ed to help diagnose his disease. Like the good boy he was happily sat patiently while we put on his lease and excitedly ran down the stairs to go for a car ride. That was the last time I saw my best friend happy and without pain. In order to do the x-rays the vets had to stretch him in uncomfortable positions, something of which I was totally unaware beforehand. I believe it was at that time that his spine was broken. When I picked him up that night he was not the same dog. When they brought him out to me he wasn't excited to see me. We walked past another dog and he was completely uninterested. When I tried to get him to get into the SUV he wouldn't jump up (it's a small SUV that is not high off the ground and he only needed to step up about 10" to get on the floor of the backseat,) so I tried to pick him up to put him in through the back. He growled at me when I tried to pick him up. He has never, ever, ever in his entire life growled at me. I finally got him in the car. When we got home even though he hadn't eaten in more than 24 hours he was not interested in eating. So I went to the store and bought him some tasty wet food. I got him to eat that. But later that night when we let him out his hind legs gave out on him. He tried to stand up but he couldn't. My wife and I rushed him into the ER. They attributed his weak hips to the x-ray and sent him home. The vet was wrong, his L6 and L7 vertebra had essentially crumbled. After two painful, sleepless nights and incontinence we brought him to his vet where they did all kinds of tests. He was later transferred to the ER vet, where they did all kinds of tests. At first it became apparent that he would never walk on his own again, and then it was obvious he would need to be put down. I planned to pick him up and bring him home so he could be euthanized on his own bed, in his own house, surrounded by his family. The vet told me to wait an hour or so for them to get the paperwork ready for me. Because of that I never got to see him alive again (I had been allowed to visit with him the day before though.) Shortly before were going to leave the vet called and told us that they were trying to revive him but his heart had given out on him. He asked if he could stop compressions. I sadly agreed. We brought our other dog Scarlett with us to see his body in an attempt to get her to understand why she wouldn't ever see her soulmate again (they were extremely close) but I don't think she understood. It's been two days now (almost to the minute as I write this) and I am still so sad. I know everyone says their dog is the best and I'm sure them they are but to me Jakey was truly an exception being. I will never get over his loss. He was a huge golden retriever with an even bigger heart. I miss him so much that I feel physical pain. There are reminders of him all over the house and I feel as though I will never be whole again. I am trying to take good care of Scarlett, though we've never been as close as I was with Jake. I am so sad that I can't think of anything else and I can hardly function. I've never mourned the loss of anyone as deeply as I am mourning his loss. I work from home and he used to follow me wherever I went and his absence is incredibly noticeable. I can't let Scarlett out without crying. I wanted to share this with everyone because it helps me to talk about him. Also, I'm hoping someone has some suggestions on how I can begin to cope and heal. His loss was so sudden it has been devastating for me. The thought that I will never see him run to me, or devour a rawhide bone, or be able to pet him ever again is unbearable. I am going to try to attach a picture of him so you all can see how beautiful a boy he was on the outside. Nothing I can say, do, or post can express how much more beautiful he was on the inside.
