Mossfire

I wish I had family to talk with. Although I have 2 brothers, 2 sisters, 3 daughters, 4 grandchildren, 5 nephews, and 6 neices, and surviving parents-in-law, along with the rest of his family, the only ones that actually talk with me honestly regarding my feelings is a brother, a nephew, a daughter and the parents-in-law. All but the parents-in-law live in other states and since this is the second son my in-laws have lost I am reluctant to confide much in them, mostly because they are in poor health and in their 90's. I have only 2 friends that I can also talk with but 1 works 2 jobs and the other lives in another state. I am envious of all of you that have a supportative family. It would be nice to be a part of that.

I always tend to respond this way when anyone asks "How are you doing?" - Would you like the lie or the truth? - That way I know if they just want "I'm doing fine" or "I hurt more now than when I first lost Rob. 7 months has not changed the fact that I miss him so much."

I too was promised the support of all kinds of people. Now there is only my Hospice family, big brother and the couple that set me and Rob up on our first date. I find that I need to talk to peopole about Rob. Not about me and my feelings but those that knew him well. I seldom post because it usually helps for me to simply read this board. This past week has been a rough one and its been 6-1/2 months since I lost my Rob. I find myself missing him even more now even though I didn't think that was possible. I whole hearted agree that without Hospice, I don't know what I would have done. I too thank-you Hospice as well as all of you that have helped support me when I didn't thinkI could go on.

I drop in to read the posts but find it difficult to post anything. All I can say is that I seem to hurt more every day. This is summer - camping season - it was one of our favorite together activities. Father's Day was so hard because I would have treated Rob and our daughter to his favorite restaurant. I couldn't even dote on my father because he passed almost three years ago. All I seem to want is to be with Rob even thoughit means leaving many loved ones behind. I know no matter what some day I will - I just wish it was sooner than later. Thanks for caring Kay.

You are not alone with the pearls of wisdom. I lost my husband January 1 of this year and actually I found that not listening to what the people are saying isbest is the best. I listen whole heartedly to my grief conselor, my Bodtalk person and let everyone else's advice just go over my head. I do agree with you that losing one's parents is chicken feed compared to losing your spouse since I too havel ost both my parents. My mother 19 years ago and my father 2-1/2. At least I still have my mother and father in-law. I think you should gather those pearls and maybe share them in group sessions??

Kathy, Have you considered asking Hospice if they know of anyone that can help? I too live in Phoenix and my Grief Counselors have been wonderful. One of my counselors gave me a list of men's homeless shelters because thats where I wanted my husband's shoes to go. I plan on going to a seminar which starts at the end of this month and lasts for 6 weeks. I am also going to a Hospice Potluck for socialization purposes. I would be willing to help you any way I can. But I think possibly the best way would be to do it through Hospice. I have found that my counselors try very hard to come up with the resources necessary. Hope this gives you an option. Hang in there Kathy, I know its hard because I lost my husband New Years Day of this year.

Since posting my comment above, the following has happened... I tried again tocall about the grief and suppport education seminar and was told again I had to leave a voice mail message which I couldn't do for fear of not getting a call back again, I wouldn't even leave my name because I was cryingtoo hard. About 45 minutes later, I received a call from a different grief counselor and I told her what had happened and she said she would contact them forme as well as come to see me on Thursday for a one on one. I also has my one on one yesterday with another grief counselor who gave me a flyer for a potluck that takes place later this month which I do plan on attending. My brother called last night and offered to fly me out to his home for a week to visit and help he and his wife out with their children while they attend a seminar in their city which I will do. I have considered going back to my former self (before I met my husband) which was being a loner and being the only one I could depend on but I can't because if I do it's erasing even more ofhim from my life and I won't do that. Somehow I will find the energy to keep making the calls and get the help with things I need done around the house. To Kath - Your post about having an un-normal life was so much like mine and my husband's. We always worked together to do the unexpected and keep others on their toes!

Does anyone else have this same problem? Right after my husband left, everyone said they would be there for me. I guess I thought it would be longer than a month. My daughter (18) says I should be initiating the contact but I already had. I leave messages, no one calls back. I tried to get in to a group session starting this month (with Hospice) and not even they called back. Am I now simply a throw-away? A misfit because I no longer have my other half? Every one else has their families and lives intact and it just doesn't seem fair.

I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the same feelings. Luckily I have our 18 year old daughter with me and she is encouraging me to do things. She is also there with the hugs and tears when we get to the lowest. We were going to retire to the mountains in 2 years and grow old together. The hardest part is reliving his last few hours and the pain he was in. I do know that he will be waiting for me when my time comes at heavens door. Even though I too feel that I want it to be sooner than later but it is not my choice to make. I just lost my husband New Years Day and I too am just taking baby steps. If I don't feel like getting dressed in the morning, who cares. I just make sure I sit in the sun for a few minutes each day to remind me that even though life sucks right now there is still the beauty of the day.

I lost my best friend, soul mate, lover and husband all at once on New Years Day. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer on Valentines Day 2008. We joked that aside from the first year of our marriage that 2008 was the worst. I somehow feel cheated that he was gone within 2 days of entering hospice because I feel I never got a real chance to say goodbye. I miss him so much and keep thinking that he will walk through the door and say I got you this time! He was such a practical joker. Some days I am okay but the last 2 days I jsut want him back.