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nicollaw

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About nicollaw

  • Birthday 11/03/1960

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  • Date of Death
    1/6/2009
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    nicollaw
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  1. Hi all: Sorry I haven't been in contact with anyone. I seem to struggle alot of late. I met my husband on Saint Patricks Day and our first date was two days later. Here it is 18 years later and he's gone and left me. So March wasn't good for me. Actually their aren't any good days. I am still taking care of my father with I resent. Because I don't have the luxury of grieving properly. I take more out on him than I should. Chris and I used to take my dad to his chili cook offs, but this last Saturday my dad refused to go because he was too cold. So I callled the nurse and I went on my own. I was not expecting what I got. I got alot of support (which I expected) but maybe too much. I choose to isolate myself because it makes this hole thing not real. things are too different to try to do the same things we used to do together without him. I have received three different wedding invitations addressed to me only, already. Selfish I know. Why would I want to go to a wedding and see others happiness. All I would do would be a downer to the wedding. the last thing I want to do is bring sadness to others great day. And here's another thing, I am struggling with the grave Marker. My husband was an extrodinary poet and writer, besides a lawyer, artist, thoughful person commassionate, extrodinary person. This is the last thing to say about him. He is buried on Santa Catalina Island, (avalon, CA). they have strict rules. It must be 12" x 24" in bronze only, no granite under. He wrote a poem for me with my Maiden name (Waters)in it after my mother died in 1992. All of my family is buried on the island. I will post it here and plese give me your feedback on it. I do not want the normal bleoved husband, son and brother. The more words the smaller the font but if I cut out the frill surrounding the Marker I may be able to do it. Let me know what you all think please. Mary CHRISTOPHER JOHN NICOLL July 3, 1959- January 6, 2009 (picture) Waters To Waters Ashes to ashes and Waters to Waters From mothers and fathers to sons and daughters The sea is a master and the lesson we learn Is from the sea we come and to the sea we must return From heaven and earth from sea to sky The journey of water is the journey of Life Water and man are as Husband and Wife And the love of the sea is the love of life So let us drink To Life, Love and the Sea And sail as one Into Eternity. Composed with love By Christopher John Palmer Nicoll 2-14-1993
  2. Marsha: I have been cooking in chili cook-offs since the 1980's with my father. If you go to www.chilicookoff.com you will find the past world champions recipes on line for ICS(international Chili Society). I have qualified many a times and made the final table against 187-200 cooks at the wolrd. Are you judging chili for the competition and making peoples choice chili or what are you judging? My husband and I, this last October won peoples choice at one day of the three day event in Las vegas. We also won showmanship. My husband died JAn 6 2009. Two ctobers ago we won third in Salsa at the world against 145 contestants. For your peoples choice use sausage, hamburger, Cumin, garlic onions and We used 10 different types of peppers for the flavor and heat. Definately use Gebharts chili powder for flavor and cayene pepper. put in your peppers right before you start serving it will give you flavor and you will need to add on a regular basis because they break down easily. Where are you From? I'm in California. good luck. Mary Nicoll
  3. Hi all: Thank you for all your advice. Unfortunatly I don't have help and can not get it. If I was to take time off I wouldn't have an income. So here I sit. My heart breaks every day without Chris. He is my soul and heart. I don't want to do anything but sleep away the pain. So when my father sleeps(which is alot) I sleep. I am not doing anything productive. My sister suggested I start to think about moving out of the house I had for him across the street. that is not an option for me. That would leave me in this house with dad and when she's in town her. I would have no where to go to get away. I'm 48 years old and For the last 18 years I have been living with Chris. I should pack everything we have collected over 18 years move it into storage and move back home with daddy and susan? I don't think so. I need my time alone as well. The little amount of time I have in the house I appreciate it. It represents our life together. My dads and susans home represents Susan and Dad. Its all their stuff. I barely have room for clothes here. Half of my clothes are across the street. Susan has never been married so she could not understand. No one can unless they have lost a husband or wife. I sit on this computer day after day hoping for releif but can not find it. Everyones advice is spot on. I am just in a bad situation. Thank you for listening. Mary
  4. My name is Mary N. My husband Chris and I met on MArch 17, 1991 and had our first date March 19, 1991. we have been together for 18 years. We were married on his 40th birthday july 3, 1999. We lived together for 8 years before we were Married. My Husband was a lawyer for disabled and the needy for 10 years. He was a paralegal for 16 years prior and put himself through law school on his own. we wroked together, drove to work, played hooky, and still managed to call each other 4-5 times a day. This was an incredible relationship because we actually liked each other. In jUNE OF 2005, my father had a 3rd major stroke leaving him 95 % loss of mobility on one side. In August he came home in a wheelchair and refused the Hired caregivers we had for him. He called me up and since I had taken care of my mother when she was dying of Cancer from Jan 1991- August 1992 I asked him if he wanted me to take care of him. He said yes. I made a life changing decision for myself and my husband. Being the Man that he has always been he closed his office and moved from the beautiful beach to Garden grove, CA. My job was 24/7. We rented the house directly accross the street for my husband since my fathers home was too small. This is where Chris lived. That was 3 1/2 years ago. My father is able to walk prettty well, but has severe vascular dementia, bad diabetes, and now kidney problems. he is 83 years old. My husband was an alcoholic He didn't admit this until 2008, and diagnosed with major depresion in the 1990's. I have not drank since 1992. Because the only nights off I have is when my sister is here around the 1st and 15th of the month, chris and I didn't get all that much time together. Although we saw each other every day and when we took my father to his chili cook offs on the weekends, I just didn't notice how bad his drinking and depression was. He was always about taking care of my father and me from the stress of everything. He got a bad toothache on Sat. Dec 5th 2008, started taking tylenol/ codeine 1-2 every four hours along with drinking. I didn't know anything was wrong until Sunday around 5. By 11:30 pm He was throwing up blood and off we went to the Er. His liver was so bad he had a TIPPS procedure two days later, a 4 hr surgery took 12 1/2 hours. He was fortunate to get his tube out on the 15th for 1 1/2 days. He told me how much he loved me and felt like we were on our 2nd honeymoon. He couldn't stop kissing me. He accepted Jesus as his personal savior and said he was not afraid to die or live. The doctors had high hopes then. Then he got pnuenomia. The tube went back in. He had all his faculities, but needed a new liver. Every thiing that could go wrong went wrong. He died 1-6-2009. We had a chuch service on Jan 16, and buried him on Santa Catalina on Jan 26th. Where am I now. I sit next to my 83 year old father thinking horrible thoughts. My husband was 49 years old. I am 48 we tried to have children but to no avail. Started adoption but my dad got sick, so we put our lives on hold not thinking we would be here in this same situation 3 1/2 yrs later. I'm alone with an 83 year old who can't even carry on a conversation with any one. Every day I relive that my husband died because he doesn't remember. He has his memorial folder, knows its someone important to me but asks every day. Its like reliving that movie Groundhogs day. I cry every day 3-4 times a day. eVERY NIGHT,every morning, during the day all day. But I have to buck up around my father because he's confused enough. I am lost, alone, and missing my life partner. That's me. To see alittle about my husband here is a link http://www.legacy.com/OrangeCounty/gb/Gues...122798463"
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