My name is Mary N. My husband Chris and I met on MArch 17, 1991 and had our first date March 19, 1991. we have been together for 18 years. We were married on his 40th birthday july 3, 1999. We lived together for 8 years before we were Married. My Husband was a lawyer for disabled and the needy for 10 years. He was a paralegal for 16 years prior and put himself through law school on his own. we wroked together, drove to work, played hooky, and still managed to call each other 4-5 times a day. This was an incredible relationship because we actually liked each other. In jUNE OF 2005, my father had a 3rd major stroke leaving him 95 % loss of mobility on one side. In August he came home in a wheelchair and refused the Hired caregivers we had for him. He called me up and since I had taken care of my mother when she was dying of Cancer from Jan 1991- August 1992 I asked him if he wanted me to take care of him. He said yes. I made a life changing decision for myself and my husband. Being the Man that he has always been he closed his office and moved from the beautiful beach to Garden grove, CA. My job was 24/7. We rented the house directly accross the street for my husband since my fathers home was too small. This is where Chris lived. That was 3 1/2 years ago. My father is able to walk prettty well, but has severe vascular dementia, bad diabetes, and now kidney problems. he is 83 years old. My husband was an alcoholic He didn't admit this until 2008, and diagnosed with major depresion in the 1990's. I have not drank since 1992. Because the only nights off I have is when my sister is here around the 1st and 15th of the month, chris and I didn't get all that much time together. Although we saw each other every day and when we took my father to his chili cook offs on the weekends, I just didn't notice how bad his drinking and depression was. He was always about taking care of my father and me from the stress of everything. He got a bad toothache on Sat. Dec 5th 2008, started taking tylenol/ codeine 1-2 every four hours along with drinking. I didn't know anything was wrong until Sunday around 5. By 11:30 pm He was throwing up blood and off we went to the Er. His liver was so bad he had a TIPPS procedure two days later, a 4 hr surgery took 12 1/2 hours. He was fortunate to get his tube out on the 15th for 1 1/2 days. He told me how much he loved me and felt like we were on our 2nd honeymoon. He couldn't stop kissing me. He accepted Jesus as his personal savior and said he was not afraid to die or live. The doctors had high hopes then. Then he got pnuenomia. The tube went back in. He had all his faculities, but needed a new liver. Every thiing that could go wrong went wrong. He died 1-6-2009. We had a chuch service on Jan 16, and buried him on Santa Catalina on Jan 26th. Where am I now. I sit next to my 83 year old father thinking horrible thoughts. My husband was 49 years old. I am 48 we tried to have children but to no avail. Started adoption but my dad got sick, so we put our lives on hold not thinking we would be here in this same situation 3 1/2 yrs later. I'm alone with an 83 year old who can't even carry on a conversation with any one. Every day I relive that my husband died because he doesn't remember. He has his memorial folder, knows its someone important to me but asks every day. Its like reliving that movie Groundhogs day. I cry every day 3-4 times a day. eVERY NIGHT,every morning, during the day all day. But I have to buck up around my father because he's confused enough. I am lost, alone, and missing my life partner. That's me. To see alittle about my husband here is a link http://www.legacy.com/OrangeCounty/gb/Gues...122798463"