Dear Blue Eyes, I to know the pain & suffering you are dealing with. Altough I am at a different point in my life, I to lost my father to cancer, in March 2007 at the age 48 from esophegeal cancer. I am 23 yrs. old and one of 4 kids in my family. I have an older brother, older sister and a younger sister who is in her first yr. of college. I understand how you are feeling, when you talk about your father not being able to watch your son or his grandkids grow up. My father passed away 2 mons. before my older sister wedding & didn't get to see my younger sister graduate high school. It hurts and sadenes you at the same time, you have mixed emotions about it. My mom always tells me to take one day at a time, which is extremely hard!! In time the feelings change from anger, to sadness, to hurt, to memories, to just plain missing him. Every day I struggle with the fact that I can't just pick up the phone & hear his voice, or send him an email to say hi. Than there are just days where I miss him sooo much and just want to break down and feel sorry for myself. I call my mom or send her emails of me just sobbing or pouring my heart out. My parents were married for 26 yrs. and there is no doubt that they would have spent anther 26 yrs. together. My dad always told me, "Life will throw you curveballs, you just gotta learn to hit it out of the park." I say that to myself everyday, somedays it helps, other days I just want to cry. Lossing my father, just as you said, is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. Keep that chin up, one foot infront of the other and we just gotta push forward. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or 6 mons. from now...but someday. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.