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bEcKa_00

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Everything posted by bEcKa_00

  1. Kayc, Thank you!! It is so nice to hear those words sometime!!
  2. My 2 years is tomorrow March 8 and that poem was so true and hit me so hard!! Beautiful words!! Thank you for sharing, it is very comforting!!
  3. So, one week from today will be my fathers 2 yr. ann. and I find myself waking up, and being emotional, kind of snippy and don't really want to do to much. I know that it all has to do with his ann. coming up but I can't seem to deal with it! I'm trying not to be emotional, snippy etc. cause I don't like being that way...but people keep saying that you gotta let these feelings be cause it's part of the grieving process. I have such a hard time letting my feelings be what they are, just for the fact that I can't stand feeling sad or emotional so I try not to let them bother me and just go on with my day. Is this wrong of me to do?? Should I just take these emotions and let them be?? I'm thinking Yes, I should but I can't seem to bring myself to let me feel the way I do. It just brings me down and makes me feel bad, cause I don't want to bring others into what I'm dealing with. Maybe I'm just rambling on and on (I usually go in circles) about the same thing. Maybe I just know what I have to do, I just don't know how to do it or I don't want to???
  4. Thank you for you kind words!! I do believe that what you said is true, because after my fathers passing and when I moved back home things just went nuts for the rest of the year. I mean, I was throwing myself into every possible thing I could...trying to help other people, volunteering, taking 15-20 credits and working full-time. Thinking that if I was helping others and keeping my own life moving than things would get better on there own. I never thought that what I was doing at the time, I was kind of setting myself up for what I'm going through right now - and I'm not sure how to deal with it now. I think none stop about him!! Memories, thoughts, poems we read together, times we spent together, him helping me with my jump-shot..I mean you name it I'm thinking about it. So for me to start dealing with my emotions and feelings now, I'm just not sure how. Other than crying, becoming extrememly emotional over things and having my fiance calm me down..I feel as if I'm just going in circles over and over again. Whether that's part of the grieving process or not, I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how I, me as a person deal with these situations and I'm struggling. I think what it really comes down to is I am struggling, big time!
  5. I probably think way to much about so many things, my dad always told me that lol On March 8 it will be 2yrs. since my father passed away and I am struggling with facing this day. I can't believe that much time has passed because the morning my father passed away is so vivid in my mind. I can remember everything that happened on that morning.....Since that day I have moved to AZ, became engaged and am finishing my degree. I am trying to move on with my life, even though it is extremely hard, but these past few weeks have been more of a struggle than ever before. My emotions are running crazy, I cry myself to sleep, I get frustrated easy and I feel as if I'm becomin somewhat depressed. I don't know if it's because his ann. is coming up or if I'm just getting overwhelmed with everything happening this year. I talk to my mom almost every day, I try to call my brother & sisters often, I talk with my fiance but there is always something that seems to be missing. I don't know maybe I should just deal or be stronger. I don't like feeling overwhelmed or depressed and I can't seem to get his under control.....
  6. Dear Blue Eyes, I to know the pain & suffering you are dealing with. Altough I am at a different point in my life, I to lost my father to cancer, in March 2007 at the age 48 from esophegeal cancer. I am 23 yrs. old and one of 4 kids in my family. I have an older brother, older sister and a younger sister who is in her first yr. of college. I understand how you are feeling, when you talk about your father not being able to watch your son or his grandkids grow up. My father passed away 2 mons. before my older sister wedding & didn't get to see my younger sister graduate high school. It hurts and sadenes you at the same time, you have mixed emotions about it. My mom always tells me to take one day at a time, which is extremely hard!! In time the feelings change from anger, to sadness, to hurt, to memories, to just plain missing him. Every day I struggle with the fact that I can't just pick up the phone & hear his voice, or send him an email to say hi. Than there are just days where I miss him sooo much and just want to break down and feel sorry for myself. I call my mom or send her emails of me just sobbing or pouring my heart out. My parents were married for 26 yrs. and there is no doubt that they would have spent anther 26 yrs. together. My dad always told me, "Life will throw you curveballs, you just gotta learn to hit it out of the park." I say that to myself everyday, somedays it helps, other days I just want to cry. Lossing my father, just as you said, is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. Keep that chin up, one foot infront of the other and we just gotta push forward. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or 6 mons. from now...but someday. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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