For Three years my mom had small cell cancer I was working at a facility for four years taking care of my mother and working hard to take care of the residents I cared for,My mom was taking kemo and radiation she was in and out of icu coming home feeling better so I continued to work and take care of her and continue to work. On Sept 9th a tues my mom went into icu again and was told that her food she was eating was going into her lungs ,The only way she could eat was to come home on hospice Sept 13th and being Certified I took care of my mom she asked to be able to come home and when she died she wanted to die in her own bed this was on a Sat 13th she came home I cared for my mom 24hours tell that next thursday Sept 18 she went into a coma at 6:pm and died at 8 :00 pm I miss her so much it happened way to fast I cant stop crying I have no appatite she told me she would give me a sign she made it to heaven yet I look for the sign and I cant seem to find what she wanted me to see. I miss her so much she was my world my smile my laughter she was everything to me and its not getting any easier.I am a christian and I love Jesus and I know I must go thru him to get to her yet I seem so lost my days dont matter anymore if the sun is shining or if its storming I really dont see any inportance to the days ahead. I thought i could hadle this thru my bible and my faith yet im no stronger then or now I miss my mom so very very much.I look back and wonder if I could of done something diffrent following Drs orders was my job yet this was my mom not my resident I cant believe how strong I was And how weak Iam looking back should of I been her Daughter and not her caregiver I have so many questions and so few answers.....Sincerly A Lost Daughter
