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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Laura Wish

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  • Posts

    5
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  • Date of Death
    Feb 3, 2009
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Sun City North on Boswell
  1. This past week I found about 5 or 6 times that I would be in the middle of a sentence and realize that I had no idea where I was headed with that thought. I've just decided to tell people that I lost my train of thought because there's just too much going on in my head right now. Thanks again for all of the replies. Just when you think you are unique in strange or unexplained behaviors you find that others have experienced similar issues. I don't know why that helps. Maybe because you don't feel like a freak, but just someone who is going through an uncharted journey. I don't think I've visited the poetry or poem section yet. I simply don't want to. I love poem and poetry, but it seems like everything for me right now is very utilitarian. It's not pretty and I don't want someone to try to make it pretty. I guess I'll get there. I think the other reason I won't go there is because I think it will start to touch the emotional side of this whole thing. If I touch that area, the floodgates just might open. It's very strange to not seem to be able to be in touch with yourself. I've still got that robot feeling. Laura W.
  2. Thank you to everyone for responding. I really read and re-read each post. I do see that posting in another spot might also be helpful. I'm also taking some of the pieces of advice. I think we will try to get rid of most of Mom's furniture and then put the more personal effects in some type of storage for a more thorough distribution. We (my sister and I) just need time to go through those things. The generic furniture can go, the special pieces will stay in the family, and the personal items will take a while to get through. Thanks. I'm still afraid people will know who I am when I post something here. I don't know why that bothers me. I guess that if I get tothe point of really sharing personal stuff, way deep inside stuff, angry stuff, that someone will know it is me and be shocked that I would say something like that. Maybe I'll move on from here, but right now, I'm still a closed box.
  3. Whoever "Kath" is, thank you for at least responding in some way. You do realize that you are the only one who responded. I'm not sure about this site. Are we supposed to evoke responses by saying something dramatic? Are we supposed to respond to everything we read. How in the world are we supposed to learn to open up? I don't know when I've ever felt so much at a loss for words. I don't even feeling like screaming at all of you. I just don't seem to care, and I know that nobody has time to care that I don't care. And besides that, I don't know what I want anyone to say. If I knew what I wanted them to tell me, I'd say it to myself and save everyone the trouble. I'm not crying (at least not most of the time). I'm not caring about things, but I'm working really hard at work. I'm making dinners and keeping up with the laundry. I'm helping my family members with tasks and chores in their daily lives. But........I just seem to have more and more on my plate. Sure, "take time for yourself..." everyone says. Well. you tell me, where is that time. No one lets you take a break from life to "have some time for yourself." If I tell you (any of you or all of you) anything specific, then someone might know who I am. I certainly don't want that, because it's too obvious to me right now that if anyone (anyone in the workplace) thinks you are vulnerable, they'll just go at you harder. And besides just the petty office stuff, there's others who want to actually make a legal case out of the least little thing. I know most of this won't make a bit of sense to any of you. And that's just the thing. I don't care. I don't care that you don't know me, and I don't care that you won't even write back to say that you don't care. It seems like everyone writes platitudes. But the thing is, my mom died. I wasn't ready for it. I don't know how to deal with it emotionally and I certainly don't know how to deal with the magnitude of work.......things like going through her things and dispursing them. Big deal, just get busy and do it. Well, if there was any time I would, but I happen to have a few other things on my plate right now. Bottom line. I need to quit whining and get busy. I need to call some charity and say, "come take it all." If there was some other way I take more time, but there just isn't. Too bad.
  4. Maybe soon I'll be able to talk about some of the things I'm feeling inside. Some of them seem so wrong, like " I don't really care that she is gone." How horrible is that? Sometimes I wish she was back just so we could talk more. That seems to be the thing I miss. I keep thinking of things I need to ask her, like for a certain recepie, or what she thinks about Obama's speech. But I can't ask her. She's gone, and I can't figure out if I care or not. That's got to be wrong.
  5. This is my first post. My mom died quite suddenly in early February. We've got a lot of work to do, estate, furniture, car, clothes, household goods etc. I don't really know how to grieve about this. I only know that I can't seem to think through tasks. I can only focus on one thing at a time. I sometimes can't think of simple words to put in a sentence, like "control" or "decision" I just get to that word in the sentence and I have to stop and think of the word before I can continue. I've got a really busy and stressful job. Sometimes I think it helps because I can only think about work issues when I'm at work, but I know I'm not working at tip top capacity. When I started to write about this to a friend, I just cried and cried and couldn't even write it. Now, I'm just writing and it is as if I'm writing a narrative of going to the grocery store. There are just no emotions. Just a big void inside without any idea if there are thoughts in there, or just emptiness. I guess I'm just operating like a robot. Is this normal?
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