I'm so glad I found this forum, there aren't any support groups in my area to reach out to. Anyway, my mom passed away from colon cancer on October 30th of last year. She died at home and the last few days were excruciating to watch. I'm 19, and the oldest of 6 kids. In the end it got so bad that my dad and I were the only ones who could stand to take care of her and watch her suffer like she did. After she died, I just felt so relieved. Although I missed her, it was so much easier for her to just be gone than it was to sit there and watch her be in pain. Of course, I cried at the funeral, but after that I didn't really feel any emotion towards the death at all. I had known for two years that she was going to die, and I had expected it. Sometimes I would feel grief coming on, but it wasn't the right time or place to deal with it, so I would push it down and not deal with it. It's hard to comfort a five year old little brother when you're a sobbing mess yourself. It's been five months now, and I though I was doing just fine. But last week everything changed overnight. I started having the same symptoms my mom had while she was sick; vomiting, diarrhea, no appetite, fatigue, ect. Then I started having panic attacks and living in a constant state of anxiety. I seriously thought I was either dying or going crazy. I lost interest in everything, couldn't sleep, and cried over nothing. I went to the doctor and he ran all kinds of test, they all came back saying I am perfectly healthy. He prescribed a medicine to take the edge off my anxiety, but all it does it knock me out for several hours. I'm missing classes, work, everything. Last week I was totally normal, and now I'm a complete mess. Does anyone know what's wrong with me? I just feel like I should already be way past this part of the grieving process, not just now starting it.