cubby

Chai, I made it today. My mom passed on Nov. 16, 2008. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. We will get better. take care. Cubby

Thank you Marty. I have read the article on locating a grief counselor. I will be looking into it as soon as possible. I really liked the You tube part of the article. I think that may be part of my problem. I visit my mom's grave a lot. I'm not sure why I feel the need to do this. I know she's not there. James, Thank you for your kind words and understanding. This site has so many kind and understanding people. A chaplain at the local Hospice gave me an article from this site after my mom passed.I'm sorry for your loss. Deb, I'm sorry that we are both having the same feelings. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I know it is difficult for me and I can only imagine how you are feeling. Have the holidays been any better? I know it is different , but is it still as painful as the first? I feel that this Thanksgiving may be more painful as I will not be with my family. My husband and I will be with friends. My dad has decided to spend the holiday with his lady friend's family. This will be a big change. Since my mom's illness, I have prepared a big meal for my family. I don't know how to handle not doing all this work. It will also be hard because I feel like I'm losing my dad too. Enough! My mom was a strong woman. I'm trying hard to be more like her. I am thankful that I have mantained some sanity during this past year. I will survive. Thank you all for your support. Today has been an emotional roller coaster. Cubby

Hi, I haven't posted in awhile. I have been struggling and just didn't feel as if I could get my thoughts together well enough. My depression has been bad, but I have had a couple of days that I thought I might survive. I recently attended a Celebration of Life ceremony presented by my local Hospice. It was a nice service. They read a short passage about each of our loved ones that have passed on this past year.I also lit a candle in my mom's memory. At the end of the service white doves were released. I actually released one of the doves. I felt as though part of my pain was lifted for that day. I cried like a baby. However as we got closer to today, It has been a real downer. I spent the entire day thinking of all that transpired on the day before my mom passed away. She had been very ill and had battled lung cancer for 5 long years. I spent the last day beside my mom's bed. I was with her when she took her last breathe at 2:20 am. I have tried to think of all the good memories ,but that makes me sad too. There will be no more new memories. She is really gone and I will not see her again until I depart this life. Sometimes I think that I am ready to be with her. I miss her so much. I just want to talk to her. She was a great listener and she was always there for me. If I dream about her, I do not remember them. I want so much to get some kind of sign from her that she is okay and that all will be alright. My dad came to visit me today. He came alone(without his lady friend). This meant a great deal to me. Appearances can be deceiving! He doesn't talk much about my mom, but today, he told me how he also misses her and how each day is a struggle for him also. I have been waiting to hear him say these things. He grieves differently I know. He also grieved BEFORE my mom passed. They had been married for almost 50 years. They had such great plans to enjoy their retirement, but it wasn't meant to be. I have struggled with losing my mom and also with the many changes that took place after her death. My dad began dating within weeks and had a lady friend moved in before my mom had been gone for 2 months. Many of my parents' friends were vocal about it being too soon. I really had a difficult time with this. It was difficult to go to my parent's home and see someone else there. Even though she has made it clear that she is not trying to replace my mom,it is strange and difficult to handle. Now if I could get my brother to talk to me about my mom.... A year is almost gone... It is hard to believe that I have survived a year without her. This has been the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with. I have been to grief support groups, I read and post on this site, and I have tried writing in a journal. When will the tears and pain go away? When will this enormous hole in my heart stop hurting? Everyone says time heals all. How much time? It has been a year and I still feel a great deal of pain from the loss of my mom and best friend. I want to be happy again. I want life to be enjoyable instead it is painful. I know I must find a way to concentrate on the good memories. I still have a long way to go in this grieving process. Sometimes I feel that I REALLY need help. Where do you find grief counselors for individual therapy? My life will never be the same. Thanks for this site and the opportunity to get this off my chest... Cubby

Thank you All (deegee,rachel and kavish) for responding. I'm still not having any good days. I've tried everything but I still feel so down and tired. I've visited the cemetery every day this week so that I could talk with my mom. I do wish I could hear her response to me.I need her so much. She was my best friend and I could tell her everything. I'm afaid that I will forget the sound of her voice. I look at her pictures often as I do not want to forget her. On top of all my feelings, my dad called today to tell me that his sister (my aunt) who lives about 500 miles away passed away on Wed. night. Her son found her in her bedroom. No one knows how long she had been gone before he found her. We don't know anything yet as arrangements have not been made. It just seems to keep falling all around me. I don't feel that I have a chance. I can't seem to get over one mountain, before another is in front of me.How do other people keep going? I've forgotten what it feels like to have fun and be happy. Will it ever return? Everyone says that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I'm not so sure about that. I'm not sure I can handle all of this. I had been attending a grief support group once a month but I haven't been able to attend for the last couple of months. Not sure if there is any other grief counseling available in my area. My husband wants me to see my doctor and see if he thinks I need to try antidepressants again. I'm afraid to take them again. I took Lexapro for a while before my mom passed and continued for approximately 3 months after her death. My doctor had suggested weaning off then by gradually taking less each day. Then I started having bad thoughts, it really messed with my head.I finally just quit taking them. I thought I was doing okay until the end of July. Then it just seemed to turn back to being down and out. I haven't been back to my doctor since right after my mom's death. It is close to time for my annual checkup, but my husband wants me to see the doctor now and not wait for my annual checkup. I guess he has been patient and kind and I have been extremely irritable and tired. I'm sure it isn't much fun to be around me. I just don't have the desire to do anything. He tries to understand, but I don't think he really does. Thank you all for your support. I know the next few days are going to be difficult. I just don't want to attend another funeral. Thanks for letting me ramble..... Cubby

I feel like I'm just about to lose my mind.It has been 10 months since my mom passed so I'm not sure if this has to do with my grief or if I'm severely depressed or could it be something else? I feel like I hate everything. Nothing brings any pleasure or happiness.I am always tired, sleepy and would rather just sit here at home. I have a good husband, but he hasn't been able to help me.I think it frustrates him that I can't just shake these feelings. I'm really scared of some of my thoughts. I feel like I've just lost all control of my life. My husband keeps telling me that I have so many things to be thankful for, but that doesn't make me feel better. It really makes it worse, because I can't overcome these feelings.I was previously on anti-depressants and they really messed with my head, so I don't want to go through that again. BUT I really must do something because life is not what it should be at this time. I really don't know why I'm posting other than I'm trying to get my thoughts out. I'm really afraid that I'm losing my mind. I continue to miss my mom, and it feels as if I just lost her but I can't get a grip on things. Is this my grief or am I just losing my mind? Cubby

Hi everyone. My mom passed away 1 week before Thanksgiving last year. My family was numb through the holidays. Now I am concerned about celebrating at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It depresses me to even think about it. My mom always prepared Thanksgiving Dinner until she became too ill to carry on tradition. Then I started preparing Thanksgiving dinner and she was my guest. I managed to do that 1 week after her death, but now I don't think I can do it. I know that my dad and brother expect me to continue,but things have changed so much. My dad has a lady friend living with him now. It is extremely difficult for me to prepare family meals with my dad and brother and have my mom no longer here. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can change from our past traditions? I like ( I don't dislike) my dad's new companion, but I still have difficulty having my mom replaced in my dad's life. Christmas last year was the worst ever. I dread the holidays and I'm becoming depressed just thinking about it. I'm a grown woman and I should be able to deal with this, but it is very difficult. I think about my mom everyday and cannot fill the hole in my heart. thanks for allowing me to express my feelings. cubby

I know how you feel. I lost my mom in Nov. 08. I wouldn't go by my parents house, because that allowed me to pretend that it wasn't true that she wasn't really gone. It was really hard to visit with my dad because my mom wasn't there anymore. Sometimes it would be inmy mind that she was at the hospital, or sleeping in another room. Anything to avoid accepting that she was really gone. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Just know that you are not alone. We all share your pain and are going through the same feelings. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Cubby

Thank you for sharing. I agree that most people think you are okay because you aren't crying. This is a great piece to share. It definitely makes me think. I think I've been coasting along the last few weeks trying to avoid the pain. I don't know what I'd do without this site to read and post. Thanks everyone especially you Mary Linda! Cubby

I too wish for dreams of my mom. I can only remember 1 dream since she passed away. It didn't show her face I only heard her voice. She told me everything was going to be alright. I had just received a call from my doctor, who wanted to do a more thorough mamogram. They thought there was a cyst or lump in my breast based on my yearly checkup. I was extremely upset and worried. That was the only time that I can recall having a dream since my mom passed. I think about all the phone calls that we shared... If I call the number today, my dad answers the phone, so I don't ever gear my mom anymore. I'm so afraid I'll forget what she sounded like. I wish for dreams of her that I will be able to remember. Thanks for letting me ramble. Cubby

Hi... So sorry about your mom. I think you must go through a numb period. I know it takes time for reality to sink in. It doesn't matter how long our parents live, we still want them to live longer. My mom was 65 and spent the last 5 years of here life battling lung cancer. She fought a long and hard battle, but it was still difficult to accept that she was gone. Take care of yourself and don't rush your feelings. Give yourself a break. The tears will come and you will be exhausted from them. Your mom was probably trying to prepare you when she said that people weren't meant to live beyond 70. 1 week before my mom passed, she told us not to get her a hospital bed because she wouldn't be here when it arrived. She had the bed for 5 days. I think sometimes a person just knows when it will be their time to leave us. I hope you find some comfort by being here and by reading other posts. It has helped me. Take care.... Cubby

Oh Chagrin... I am so sorry that you must go through this. I have a daughter your age and cannot imagine ever putting her in this situation. I too went thgrough a short period with my dad of not being a part of his life. He became angry at me when I questioned his actions so soon after my mom's death. He even went so far as to tell me he didn't need me in his life anymore. He told me he was a grown man and would live his life his way. After a couple of weeks he calmed down and we have been working on our relationship. I know we all grieve differently and at different paces. My mom had been very ill for the last 2 years of her life and she and my dad had to make drastic changes for the last 5 years. I think my dad did a lot of grieving before my mom actually passed away. We all did, but it was still very difficult to deal with at the time. Today I continue to tell myself that my mom would want me to be nice to my dad's friend. He also needs to try to enjoy the time he has left. I don't want him to grieve himself to death. However there are things about his relationship with this woman that do disturb me. I too am watching closely. She is kind and good to my dad, but her son and granddaughter are another story. The son has now moved into my dad's home, because he lost his job. He doesn't appear to be going anywhere anytime soon. I think he is taking advantage of my dad's kindness. Enough of my rambling.... Chagrin I am thinking about you and will keep you in my prayers. I hope your mom comes around before she does too much damage to herself and your relationship. Try to think about the good times with your dad.Those memories will help to get you through these difficult times. Regardless of age we all want to have our parents around. A person really needs their mom. Please take care of yourself. Visiting this board is a great place to get support and to get your thoughts out. The people here are great and have helped me to deal with my grief. Don't be so hard on yourself. Anger is definitely an emotion that we must deal with during the grieving process. Cubby

Hi All. I lost my mom( Nov 08). I still have good days and bad days. Some times the grief is overwhelming. The bad days are not as frequent as in the past, but I still have my moments of crying my eyes out. I guess the crying is part of the healing that we must go through. Take care of yourself. Cubby

Hi Chagrin, I lost my mom 10 months ago today. She fought a courageous battle with lung cancer for 5 years. My dad was very devoted to my mom and was her primary care giver. However within weeks , he was"dating". At first I was extremely angry and hurt. It was very difficult to have my dad bring his lady friend to my house for Christmas dinner.( my mom had only been gone a month). Within a few weeks after christmas his lady friend moved in to live with him. Once again, it was awful and very painful for me to deal with this. His lady friend was a very nice lady and very caring. She makes my dad happy. I know after my mom became sick, his quality of life also decreased. I talked with my dad and let him know that we all deal with grief differently and I needed time to be able to accept his new friend. He is entitled to be happy and should not have to grieve every minute of the day. He still grieves for my mom, but we all grieve differently. I know he is doing well because he has someone to be with. I wouldn't want him to just curl up and die because my mom is no longer here. He loved my mom dearly and still talks to me about her. He even ordered a special arrangement for her grave on what would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. My dad's lady friend has opened her heart to me. She encourages me and my dad to do the things we need to do to continue to grieve my mom. She doesn't seem to push him to do or say things that would upset our family.I like her and I'm thankful that she is there for my dad. He is no spring chicken and I want to keep him as long as I can. I don't think I could handle it if my dad wanted to marry her. I guess I'm rambling. But I wanted to tell you that I too felt very much the way you do . Time is helping to heal, but I will not forget my mom. A person only has one mom! No one will EVER take her place. I hope you can find peace with your mom. Cubby

Happy belated Birthday Chai. I haven't been online in a while. I hope you had a peaceful birthday. Cubby