wolfman645

Kelly: Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I was wondering if you or anyone else has had a similar experience to what I am about to say. The other night I went to go to bed and I heard what sounded like a very happy and soft version of Oscar's meow over my head and it felt like a paw touched my head. The only thing is when I looked up there was no cat on my head. Oscar used to love to sleep above my head and would often knead my hair with his paws. I'm sure this is just wishful thinking here, but has anyone had any similar experience to this? Thanks, Andy

I am so sorry for the loss of your dog Adolf. I too lost my favorite cat of almost 18 years about 6 weeks ago. I too felt like he was my first child. As far as advise, all I can say is please express your emotions and let them out because that is the only way to deal with this very real loss. Even if you have to express them privately, or on this board you must let them out. Also, undestand the grief will come in waves and you will have good days and then get blind sided by bad days too. Andy

I am very sorry to hear that. Andy

Its just about 4 weeks now since my cat Oscar died and I thought I would check in to report how I'm doing On the positive side, I am doing somewhat better. I'm eating normally again, concentrating on work and deriving some enjoyment out of various parts of my life. I still miss Oscar something awful and think about him for a good portion of the day. I'm still somewhat depressed, but not so much that I can't function. I am still haunted by images of him going down hill the last week. But here's the deal. I have come to some realizations. My first realization is rather bleak, but I believe this with all my heart. The realization is that yes, I can get on with my life without my beloved Oscar, however life will never be quite as good again. Life was better with him in it. Life is not quite as good without him. This doesn't mean I can't enjoy life and even live a happy life....its just the rest of my life will be sub-par. I'll just have to get used to it. I don't think anyone can talk me out of this belief. Second, I am deriving some small amount of comfort in the realization that the relative short life span for Cats must be part of God's plan. One might even look at me as being blessed to have had such a strong connection with this cat, and to actually have him with me for close to 18 years. Its just emotionally, I felt as if Oscar would be with me for my entire life so at some level I feel cheated, even though I know this isn't the case at all. Third, this experience has reminded me that we all have a limited time on this earth and need to make the most of each day. Thanks for listening. Andy

This is the age old question about life after death. Since many of you might know from my other post that I'm in the midst of grieving over the loss of my cat of 18 years (Oscar), I've really been thinking about the topic of life after death lately, and I'm wondering what are the thoughts of others. I suppose if I knew for sure there is a life after death, and my beloved cat Oscar's soul is in a very happy/peaceful/beatiful place, then I would feel somewhat comforted. I am reluctant to simply accept the concept at face value because I want to (just like I shouldn't believe that I will see him again). But how incredibly awful it is to think that once a creature dies, that is the end of their soul too. I know what I want to believe, namely that he is now in a beautiful afterlife free of pain, and he can see me, and heck he even might be looking over me at times. He might even see me grieving for him so he really knows how much I miss him. Any thoughts on the topic??? Thank you in advance, Andy

Thank you Ann. I'm sorry about your cat Mikey. It really sounds like the exact same story. I was in such denial at the end I was feeding him 5 times a day thinking that would help him, but he just couldn't assimilate the food. My 7 year old son seems to be having a hard time with it as well. He talks about Oscar a lot, and he has been exhibiting some of the classic signs of child grief, namely regression to earlier behaviors.

MartyT: Thanks for the support and for the great links. I will definitely explore them. It is comforting to know that others feel the same way. You are correct that I am constantly reminded of him in the house. I still expect to see him in his usual locations around the house. STARKISS: We actually have 4 other cats and a dog. I have a fairly close bond with one of the four cats (her name is Tigger), but none the same as with Oscar. I am in fact comforted by the other animals, but it doesn't erase the pain I feel for my favorite cat Oscar. I am convinced I will never have the same type of bond with another cat. I wouldn't mind explaining why my bond with Oscar is so strong. For starters, I had Oscar since he was only about 3 or 4 weeks old (or estimated to be that age) back in July 1991. Someone found kittens that were separated from their mother at too early an age and a neighbor was looking for homes for them and that is how I got Oscar. From the very beginning he was very skittish (almost neurotic) but developed this strong attachment to me. I believe he thought I was his mother! The 2nd reason is that Oscar comforted me through a personal tragedy 15 years ago (when he was almost 3 and I was 28). You see at the age of 28, my wife of less than 2 years at the time died of Ovarian Cancer. She was also 28. I was obviuosly crushed. An interesting fact is that I never had cats before this (I'm actually slightly alergic), but she wanted cats and first got us a tabby named Ivy and she wanted a cat to keep him company, which is why we got Oscar. Needless to say, I grieved heavily in that year (1994) and Oscar and Ivy (especially Oscar) was my personal salvation and my family. Yes, my parents and sister and friends helped me. But when I came home from work each day he was there. At the time both cats also represented a remaining bond to my first wife, as we had no children. I believe these are the reasons why I got so very attached to him. Luckily there is a happy ending for my personal tragedy. I worked through my grief for a solid year attending support groups and individual therapy, and I emerged a stronger person. I moved to a new apartment to get a fresh start and later in 1995 I met who would be come my new wife (also a big cat person). We have been married since August 1996. We also have a 7 year old son (FYI - I'm not sure if I should list their names on the internet, so I am only listing my cats names and my name Andy). Oscar has been with us for all this time. However, it has been clear that I was his favorite human as he would constantly follow me around the house. So this is what caused the bond to start. Once it starts, it never ends. This is why I'm devastated and grieving. The grief feels as strong as it did when I went through that personal tragedy I spoke of in 1994. Only now, my pain has to be this great big secret and not openly acknowledged. It feels great to get this out in the open on this board. Thank you all for listening. Andy

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement Kelly. I am very sorry for the loss of you mare Maria. How did you successfully balance your grieving time with your functioning time? I am fnding that hard. I feel as though I need time each day to cry and feel the pain, but very often I am required to put on a "happy face" so to speak to make it though the work day. Thanks, Andy

Hi all - just signed up for this board because the loss of my cat Oscar has hit me like a ton of bricks. .Furthermore, I feel like this is a private hell because I don't feel as though I can really share my true feelings with anyone. My wife and son were not as close to this cat, as he was my cat from before my marriage. Last monday evening we had to put Oscar down. He had lymphoma which was diagnosed about 6 months ago. He got so thin and weak, down to about 4 1/2 pounds. I had him for almost 18 years ever since he was about 4 weeks old. We had such a special bond and I have been crying several time a day. I feel depressed, I'm not eating as much and I'm losing weight. One would think I would be fine because I still have my lovely wife and 7 year old son, as well as 4 other cats and a dog. None the lesss I am still completely devastated. I'm really wondering if my feelings are normal and if I will get over this. I thank all of you in advance who take the time to listen to me. Andy