moparlicious

Hi all my name is Kim for those of you who don't know me and those that do. I have not been on in a very long time do to ongoing problems, today I would like to share my story with you and hope my journey in this unforseen road makes some difference. My story begins on July 21, 2006 when my husband of 20 years Dan got cancer. He was 41 years old when he died and we have 3 children together, we were together since high school. Dan began throwing up and getting sick everyday, he was complaining of stomach pain and cramps, then I found a huge black looking cyst on his inner thigh, I finally was able to get him to the DR. and they keep insisting it was acid reflux disease gave us countless medications, procedures but he was not getting any better. On this date in July I had to drag him to the er and got the fatal news that Dan had stage 4 esphogal cancer. After sobbing and panic we deceided to go ahead with chemo. Dan was very ill and weak at this time and did not respond well to the first round, after 20 days in the hospital we finally got to go home and continue doing outpatient chemotherapy. Over the next 9 months Dan was hospitalized 17 times for at least a week at a time, then came some small miracle and Dan began to make vast improvement the Dr.'s were amazed and very hopeful. In may 0f 07 Dan had his first seizure, Dr.'s told us it was nothing, till June came another we then found out the cancer has spread to his brain.We tried surgery and radiation. I will never forget Dan looking and calling for me prior to going in for his brain surgery, just holding his hand and telling how much I love him will forever remain in my heart. Sadly Dan lost his brave and gallant fight August 20, 2007 in the loving care of Hospice of the Valley, what a bunch of caring and compassionate people. They took care of Dan and our family for 3 months. This facility provided the most amazing and loving care in the whole world, I truly believe everyone there are angels, for I would not have made it this far without everyone of them!!!! When I found this site I was on all the time, I have found great friendship and many many warm hearts. I love this site and want each of you to know I love every one of you and thank you for the love and support. Dan will never get to see his grandchildren grow up (when we have some) and he has missed out on our youngest graduating from high school, but he will forever remain in our hearts. Although we do not understand why we all have to go through this. The pain lonleness breaks your heart in no way anyone can ever understand. This journey we are on and have been given has had so many roller coaster moments for me and to think that was and is normal made me laugh. I am no expert or professional in anyway, in fact I am just a nobody who has lost her soul mate and true love. This Friday will be 3 years since Dan's body has left this earth, but his spirit remains around us always. I smell him when the wind blows, feel his tears when it rains, feel his heart radiate through the shining sun. My hearts breaks for all us to endure this pain. But, remember you are not alone for there is always someone on here 24 7 who will listen, care and love no matter what the situation. I am always checking my e mail and if anyone would like to write me you may do so. I am sorry to keep seeing so many neewbies on here. God Bless you all Kim

Kathy, Thank you so so much for this post, it means the world to me, you are such a dear friend!!!!!!!!!!! My daughter and niece went and got 2 dozen carnations for me pink and yellow, our favorite colors, mine pink and yellow was Dan's!!!!!!!!!!!! It was so sweet. Sending him some yellow balloons with a note to him, as I do for birthdays, etc. Thank you again. love, kim

I am sorry to get off topic here and Boo I love you dearly you are a wonderful person and have a heart of Gold!!!!!!!!!! Where and when is this seminar in Phoenix? Can someone send me details, cost, date etc I want to go and meet you all!!!!!!!!!!!! Kim

Thank you all very much, it was pleasant. Spent the day w children and mother in law. Next milestone will be our anniversary on April 2nd we would have been married 23 years and together for 27 years I will someday be with my true love

Hi all, For some of you, you know me and some do not. I seldom come on here, because even after almost 3 years in August I struggle everyday for the loss of my beloved Dan. Today he would have been 44 years old. Dan died of cancer.,at the age of 41. He left behind a wife( me, of 20 years) 3 children, a mother and father , sisters and nieces and nephews who love him very much. We found out Dan had cancer because of his constant throwing up, when we heard the grave news it was stage 4. His cancer started as esophogus and went to his bile duct, liver and near the end his brain. Our story of hope, I pray will touch one person and show them strong faith and hope will prevail. Dan was given 3 months to live(he lived 13 months) his faith and will to live were incredible. Dan struggled near the end with seizures, throwing up and he could not eat for 3 months(was on a feeding tube) I will never forget everyone who helped us through and I thank the team of Dr.'s for never letting us give up!!!!! Our trips to the hospital were endless, the first visit 20 days and ICU, then there were 17 other hospitalizations after that all for a average of 2 weeks +. So my friends, the power of faith and love is strong and true. I wish you all strength and love and remember here on this site you will find friends, love and compassion. You all have touched my heart and I thank everyone for you are MY family. With love and caring, Kim

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love, Kim

Sue, I am so sorry to hear of your loss!!!!!!!!!!! It angers me so when others refer to our loss as a "IT". I have learned to accept people's ignorant remarks and hope and pray there "IT" never leaves them!!!Get over it and move on I feel are things people say when they don't know what to say. take one day at a time and keep coming back for my love of my life Dan has left this earth08/20/07, he was 41 years old.We were together 24 years and high school sweethearts.We have 3 children together. For he was my soul and my world. Not a day goes by I do not think of him or miss him and that will never change, I have come to accept things I cannot change and make the best of everyday for this is what Dan would want!!!!!!!! I have had a long hard journey and I like many others wanted to give up, but here on this site, has saved my life!!!!!!!!! I have come along way and we all are growing together on this journey. Don;t be hard on yourself, for this horrific loss we all are experiencing is so very difficult. You are loved and cared for by many. Love, Kim

Awww my dear friends I have missed you so, I have not been on in quite some time, In months. Have been staying busy and taking care of the kids and house and me, I have been out with my friends and on a few casual dates, going back to school this summer when I get a car, mine blew up, anyone in Phoenix know someone who will take payments and under two thousand my boss is going to help me thanks. Anyways, I was quite surprised to hear of this family bickering over someone else's thoughts. This is just my perspective and totally my point of veiw if you take any of this content on this site personally I feel you are receiving the wrong message which we are all trying to say or do on this site. Please remember we are not hear to put anyone down, talk about them or cause hurt feelings among each other on this site, we are hear for each other to help each other day or night for we all feel sadness,pain and every emotion along the way. I am not a expert or pro I am just another mourner hear trying to get through another day and trying to make a difference for at least one person and to know you ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I hope everyone who felt offended or upset by someone's post, remember we all have feelings and thoughts although we may or may not feel the same way that is o.k. for here we vent, listen, cry, laugh and I know personally I have found the most amazing people I have ever had in my life, I found peace, respect, understanding and love!!! I am blessed!!! So, as we continue on in this journey let's venture together hand in hand.................................... Love, Kim

hi, This is your choice of what you want to do!!!!!!!!!! I still have 3 boxes packed full of all Dan's medical records and I am keeping them forever!!!! I have his coats, cards and little things he hand made me over the years. I also have all his fishing stuff which smells to high heaven, whatever bait is in there phewwwwwwwwwww, but Dan loved to fish and the "stink" can stay as long as I want(or when the neighbors get a whiff on a windy day!) Anyways, our grief is very hard and difficult, this journey has rebegun for us, we may ask ourselves why? How? and nothing makes sense, but with our loved one in our heart we continue on the fulfill whatever or wherever that may be. No one made this choice in life, but together hand in hand we will all will somehow make it through. Love, Kim

Hi all its Kim I am doing o.k., starting seeing a life coach, she helps a whole bunch. This August will be 3 years since my beloved Dan has left this earth. Our children and I miss him so much. I no longer am angry but sad he is missing out on his daughters high school graduation and many other things our kids do, but he is w them always in their hearts and mine!!!!!!! This journey has been so very difficult for me for Dan was my high school sweetheart and we were together for 20 years, he was a young 41 years old. I want to tell you all how much I appreciate each and every one of you, for here I found love, family and people who care and are here for each other day and night, that in itself has been my sanity and joy!!!!!!!!!!!! I will get on later and respond to you all with updates, thank you ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never give up hope. When your soul and world has been torn from you, the despair shall never make you feel like giving up ever when you are here with these beautiful blessings on this site. You all are my angels. With love and caring, Kim

Thank you everyone, I will let you know if and when we find anything out. Love to all, Kim

Just dropping in to show some love and let all my dear friends I am o.k. Being a fairly young widow( 3 Kids) (was not over 40 when Dan died) 28 months into this journey and every day is a battle for me!!!!!!!!! Our youngest daughter is being tested for cystic fibrosis it never ends. I miss talking to you all Wendy, Gail, Debroah, Teny, Mike, SD2, Derek, bananna man, mary Linda, Kim, Korina, KayC, and everyone else I did not metion. I did not do this on purpose my memory is just so bad lately and I love each and every one of you. Miss you guys............ Kim

Mandi, I am so very sorry to hear pf your loss. Even though I do not get on that much anymore, I read posts and try to keep up with all of you,I am very depressed and find it hard to find the right words to say to anyone. My beloved husband died over 2 years ago at the age of 41, he died of cancer as well. We were together since high school and have 3 children together, they are adults now, but my 2 children suffer with chronic illnesses and require extra caring for. we were married 20 years and I too watched him unable to eat, walk, go to the restroom on his own and simple daily things. I miss him so much my heart breaks, I can't sleep and I eat very little, I know this is not the life Dan would have wanted for me but I just am not able to move forward I miss him so very much. I just want you to know on this site you will find love, compassion, care and all the most wonderful amazing people in the world. Many have brought inspiration, love, stories that will touch your heart to your soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep coming back and remember to take care of yourself!!!! Even when days seem why bother, eating is important, I know first hand. I am sorry to see another person go through this pain, but I do welcome you to this site which for me has brought me joy, and the true meaning of love and friendship. Thanks all, and keep coming back Mandi we all are always here. Love, Kim

Teny, Oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sending prayers to you and your family, Be safe............ love, kim

Mary Linda, That blew me away, thank you. Lots of tears!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful blessing as you are to be my friend, all these blessings in one day, now I am blushing and beaming. Perfect timing for I have been so down in the dumps. Love, Kim

Thank you to all my HOV family I truly love and adore you all, thank you for your support and love............ I am hanging in there today as best as I can. Love, Kim

Today marks the 2 year death date for my beloved Dan. I cried last night and did not sleep well, thinking of how fast he began to decline.Once the cancer went to his brain he began losing this brutal fight.I just cannot believe it has been this long and still feel that gnawing ache in my stomach wishing he would come through the door. I know he is not in any pain and doesn't have to go through this heartache anymore. It is hard to imagine being a widow at 40 years old and having 3 children to raise.Dan was a wonderful man, father and husband.He will be missed forever by many. Some days I take some steps forward and some back, for we were together for 24 years and I miss him so so much. My son and I were in the room when he took his last breath and I remember standing there frozen as time has stopped, it did for me!!!!!!! Today, my world has changed forever and I will always miss and love him till the end of time. I will be wearing yellow in honor of Dan(this was his favorite color) R.I.P. Dan I miss and love you forever............ Kim

ok I light the candle in the right group now, thanks Marty!!!!!!!!! I put a personal message to you Kimi. With love, Kim

Kimi, I lit a candle for you on the candle site here check it out, under my initails, KP, hope your day is ok,your not alone, Love, Kim

Kimi, I know these firsts are really hard on you. Still grill those steaks and shrimp and invite a friend over, I am sure they would love to be with you on this extremely diffucult and hard day. Thinking of you and sending you love and comfort. Love, Kim

Kimi, I want to start off by saying welcome to a site where you will find love, compassion, sympathy and people who truly care and do know what you are going through. I am deeply sorry for your loss and shake my head thinking dear God not another one. I too lost my beloved Dan at the age of 41 to cancer, we were together for 24 years and have 3 children together. He suffered with this cruel and heartless disease for 13 months, on August 20th sadly he will be gone 2 years, I will forever miss him dearly and feel that gnawing ache in my stomach when I think about how cruel cancer is and how you feel the helplessness and despair of what you did and tried to do? The doubt and wonder if it was enough? or could I have done more? Did I do enough? These questions swirl around in my head till it feels like it will explode. With the love and support here I have finally came to the realization and belief that I did everything possible for Dan and I would have given my life for him if that was a choice that could have been made. Acceptance is a horrible thing sometimes!!!!!!!!!!! I hope here you will find and experience the true meaning of friendship, compassion, love and true loving and warm people. I love everyone on this site and know I would not have made it without each and everyone of you, you are my heros and inspiration, thanks everyone!!!!!!!!!! When this cruel world lets you down so much and you feel like you have no where to turn or sometimes don't want to we have this site. Thank you Marty for this you saved my life, I wanted to give up so many times, but you held my hand and gave me support as well as many many beautiful people here, thank you. This site you can come to anytime, vent whenever, talk to someone always and never feel regret or bad about anything because someone somewhere will always be on and here to help us through.Take one day at a time and take care of yourself, don't forget to eat and be good to you( I know it seems like why bother now) but, this is the life we have been given although we don't understand the whys or any of that and may never, but know in your heart you have us and we will be here for you forever. With peace and love, Kim

Wendy, I am sorry for the late response I have not been on in awhile because Dan's 2 year death date is coming up and this is the time when he really began to fail and struggle, he went downhill fast. You have been one of my dearest and truest friends ever, I am sending many prayers and love to you and your family. God bless. Love you very much, Kim

What a beautiful baby girl. God Bless. LOve, Kim