I had to let my cat, Clara, go on February 3, a little over a month ago. This loss has devastated me. Clara was 15 and I had her 14 of her 15 years. When she entered my life, I was almost two months fresh out of an alcohol/drug rehab after battling alcoholism most of my adult life. Those months in the beginning were touch and go. Clara gave me such joy. I wasn't even all that fond of cats before I met her. In 1998 Clara was diagnosed with feline diabetes. For the last 7+ years, I gave her insulin injections twice a day. I also learned how to home test her blood glucose level by using a human glucometer. It was a commitment but I enjoyed doing it for her. She helped me out so much in the beginning, I remember when she got the diabetes diagnosis and looking at her and saying "it's time i take care of you for awhile." She did well for the next six years. It wasn't until the last year that she developed some concurrent medication conditions. An endoscopoe done this past January 16 revealed small cell lymphoma. She kept losing weight and even though we started her on two medications, it was a case of too little to late. I always prayed I wouldn't have to make the decision but i did. i always prayed it wouldn't be cancer and it was. And I always prayed that when her time came, it was quick and sudden -- although it would be rough, I knew it would be better than a long drawn out illness where I had to watch her waste away -- and that's exactly what happened. At the end of 2003 she was close to 17 pounds. On her final day, she was down to 5 lbs, 15 oz. Now that she's gone, I feel I lost my purpose in life. There were many days that the only thing that got me out of bed was knowing I had to give her the insulin. I've suffered from depression all my life and have been on meds since 1990. This loss has torn me up inside. There are times I wish the vet could have prepared two syringes and I could have went right along with her. i hate being home and I'm still sleeping on the couch. I'm always crying. The doctor prescribed valium because I wasn't sleeping and even that didn't work. Now I'm on a stronger sleeping pill. I don't feel my life will ever be the same. She was one in a million and I miss her terribly.
