lost my best friend

Hi Kimi, I lost my husband Gary suddenly on May 8, 2009. I know how alone you feel. We would have been married 30yrs on June 9th. I feel like someone has cut my heart out of my chest. On top of the feeling his loss, I am trying to run our business. I haven't had much time to myself and some say that's a blessing. I'm not sure, because like you I can't believe that he is really gone. We spent all of our spare time together and I feel so lost without him here. Sometimes I think I can feel him near me, but I'm not sure if it's real or just that I want him back so badly. I too am wondering if and when I will ever feel better. I haven't been posting alot, but this is a good group of people who REALLY do know what we are feeling. It helps me to know that what I'm feeling is "normal" whatever that may be.

Thank you all for sharing your stories with me. It did truly help to hear how you are all coping with this loss and it's nice to know that there are still people in this world who are willing to reach out to a stranger in pain. Today I went to work. On the drive there I was really feeling anxious. I'm not sure if it was the thought of trying to get through a "normal" day or maybe feeling guilty that I would be able to get through the day without thinking about my husband. The mind is truly mysterious. Anyway, work turned out to be a welcomed distraction at least for a short time. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers.

I lost my best friend and husband, Gary (53 yrs old) on May 8, 2009. We were together for 33yrs and would have been married 30 yrs on June 9th. Gary died suddenly. He got an infection (they doctors "think" it was pneumonia) on the previous Sunday, went to the doctor on Tuesday and ended up in the ER on Thursday evening. He died on Friday afternoon not even 24hrs later. Gary had a business also. He wasn't the best at record keeping and I have had to try to straighten out his records this week to keep the business going. My son (29) also worked with him and he is struggling to try to keep the business afloat. How do you get through this. I feel like I'm in quick sand screaming, but no one else can hear me. Everyone else is going back to their "normal" lives and I'm just going through the motions. On top of everything else, my husband had no health insurance and only a very small like insurance policy. It seems that at every corner I find a new crisis that I have to solve. A friend who is in the medical field looked over my husbands medical records because we were never given any information on any of the tests and she saw several red flags. Now we're having an autopsy done. I just dont' think I can handle this. I don't want to be hear without him and the only thing keeping me here is the fact that it would devastate my son and daughter to loose another parent so soon. I have had family from out of town staying here with me until yesterday, but last night was my first night alone since he died. It's just so overwhelming that I can't fathom that I will ever feel good again!