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Raki's mom

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  1. Susan..there is nothing I can say to ease the pain. After reading your post, I think Zack is happy that his suffering has ended. It did not sound like you made a hasty decision at all and that you spent plenty of time with him. I think 14 1/2 years is close to 100 years old in people age, so what a wonderful long life he did have. He must have felt very loved to live that long. I lost my beloved bird, Raki, on June 13th & the pain is still so vivid. I was his caregiver & even slept on the floor by his cage for over 70 nights in case he needed me. Every morning we had breakfast together before I went to work & I'd give him his pain medication. That daily emptiness is something that I still struggle with. Now every morning, I skip breakfast & just leave for work. I haven't been able to eat at home yet. In my case, I wouldn't say the pain gets better, but it's get normal. You learn to live with it. It has been less than 2 months, so I can't say any more than that. I still have not even touched his cage. His half eaten food is still there & his toys. I think when I'm ready to move it, I'll know. Please keep in touch & share how you are feeling at the moment, or stories about Zack. And take your time to grieve. That's what is great about this site. No one here would say "he's just a dog." I'll say a prayer for you tonight before I go to sleep. Raki's mom
  2. Thanks for the response Maylissa. Taking it one day at a time is all that any of us can do. Collin's mom..I hope you made it through your baby's passing. I'm sure it was a big comfort that you were with him. I know those first few nights are horrible, so let us know how you are doing. Here is a picture of Raki in his younger days, falling asleep on my straw hat, while we were on a camping trip. Below is my last picture with Raki, about 3 weeks before he died. He didn't look beautiful on the outside at this point, but he was still beautiful on the inside. Raki's Mom
  3. It's been 6 weeks & 2 days since Raki died. Sometimes it feels like yesterday & sometimes it feels like 6 months ago. First of all, thanks Maylissa & MartyT for your sympathy & kind words. I took a break from this site because reading all of the grief can just bring it all back again. His cage, toys & even his half eaten food from the day before he died are still right where they were six weeks ago. I haven't been able to move a thing, yet. His urn is there, along with a digital photo album that keeps scrolling through pictures. The house is so empty & there's a small pit in my stomach that I wonder if it'll ever go away. I have 4 moods that I go through: crying, ready to cry, numb, pretending. But even after all of this, deep down, I feel like I'll be okay. I've had great support from family, friends, coworkers. I just don't have that zip in my step like I used to. I read some of the other posts and wanted to respond, but wasn't sure if I would insult anyone who has just lost a parent, child or spouse. Raki was my child, but I decided to stay here on the pet loss group. Thanks again for the past responses. I'm just taking one day at a time.
  4. Raki died on Saturday, June 13th around 11am. There are 2 thoughts that are making me cope with it(so far) better than I thought I would. One, is that his suffering is over. Two, is that he passed in the most peaceful way you could imagine. I was so concerned about that. He was fine, early on Saturday morning, eating in the back of his cage. When I checked on him later, he was laying motionless on top of his food dish(he hadn't even fallen off his perch). My husband picked him up & he was still breathing, but so weak that he couldn't move much. We sat on the couch together, my husband holding him in his hand, & me stroking the top of his head. He stayed that way for about an hour, looking up at us, & grinding his beak(a sign of contentment with birds). Then he took in a big breath, let it out & that was the end. It was beautiful that we were there & he felt loved until the end. Since then, I can honestly say that I have cried more tears than I thought physically possible. I miss him so much! But at the same time, I think I'll be alright. Mornings are the hardest because we shared breakfast together every day. Bedtime is hard too, because I'm sleeping back in my bed instead of by his cage, but I hug his favorite pillow as I fall asleep. I feel like a zombie at work so far, but my coworkers have been very understanding. I'm just going to take it day by day & hope the pain is a little less each day. Below is the email notice I sent to friends & family after his death..my baby Raki. On June 13th, our faithful feathered friend, Raki, passed away after battling cancer for the last two years of his life. He was more than 22 yrs old, very old for a cockatiel, and he passed away quietly with his “mommy and daddy bird” close by. He will be so missed by us, not only as a part of our daily life at home, but also as a travel companion. He loved to travel with us, or more specifically, go camping with us. It all started in Florida with that first camping trip to Gator Park in the Everglades. He sat outside, in his cage, enjoying a warm breeze. He camped all over the state, including many trips to Fort Wilderness at Disney, Thanksgivings at Jabours in Key West, and greeting his tipsy mommy & daddy as they came back from the tiki bar at the Lake Okeechobee KOA. His last camping adventure was joining us for 2 weeks of National Guard duty in Delaware. He sat in the window of the rv & watched us in formation. Raki was such a little character. He had an independent streak & would definitely let us know his likes and dislikes. He was our little shadow, always curious to see what we were doing. Early on when we were folding laundry one day, Raki found his passion in life…towels. According to him, every towel in sight belonged to him. We covered his cage with a colorful beach towel and his “buddy” was a dish towel. His buddy went with him everywhere, even being cremated with him, stained with his blood and his pink pain medicine. Raki loved to fly, as we never had his wings clipped. He would fly like a crazy bird, able to turn corners very quickly, doing laps around the room for exercise. When he would finish, he’d spread his wings & strut around, showing what a big bird he was. He also liked to sing, tap with his beak, take a slow ride on the ceiling fan, eat and take an occasional sip of red wine. His favorite songs were Theme to Eastenders, Could It Be Magic(Barry Manilow), Here Comes the Sun(Beatles) & The Little Drummer Boy. His favorite foods were popcorn, cereal, mashed potatoes & chicken. We learned a lot about life from Raki, especially the way he dealt with his illness. The two phrases that come to mind are “live for now” and “zest for life”. On his good days, he’d spend his time sitting in a sunny window, watching squirrels and other birds. At night, he’d sit in that same window, watching the moonlight and sleeping. On his bad days, he’d sleep a lot, but always found the strength to come out of the cage to share a snack with us, showing us his appreciation with his happy chirp. As his health deteriorated, he’d accept his new limitations and enjoy what he still could do. Until the end, he kept his cute personality and fought to live another day, taking pleasure from each moment. Please Raki, wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge. http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm Raki's Mom
  5. Rachel, Something similar happened to me. 20 years ago I had cancer & while I was going through treatment, I held everything together. I consoled my parents, built a relationship with a new boyfriend, took control of my health issues, helped others in the hospital dealing with the same diagnosis, kept in touch with my job. It wasn't until it was all over, & my life looked perfectly normal again, that I had trouble coping with what I just went through. By then, friends & family couldn't understand why I had those feelings now. I ended up going to a professional counselor(with no medication prescribed), for only a few months, but it was exactly what I needed. Talking through those delayed feelings & hearing how normal all of my concerns were, helped me work through it. I can honestly say that those feelings were resolved & I was able to move forward. Best regards.
  6. I would like to thank all of you for your kind, inspiring & hopeful words. Sometimes the kindness of strangers amazes me! Raki made it through another week so I'm very thankful for that. Back in April, when the vet told us it was close to that time, we made all of the arrangements for his cremation, ordered his urn & wrote his obituary email that I will send out to family/friends when he passes. I've taken bunches of pictures & have planned his memorial spot in our house. His "buddy"(which is a dish towel), will be cremated with him. I agree that his gradual decline has given me time to get ready & to spend some special time with him. My husband & I are planning a few weekend trips(post Raki) so we won't be moping around the house, staring at the empty space where his cage used to be. I will keep you posted & thanks again.
  7. Raki, my 22 year old cockatiel, should have died back in the middle of April according to our vet, but he's still hanging on. He's in the last stages of cancer of the wing. He sleeps a lot & eats a lot, trying to compensate for the energy/nutrition that the huge tumor is demanding. I started sleeping on the floor, by his cage at night, & he sleeps peacefully all night. I thought it would be for a week, but last night was 56 days. He waits at the cage door each morning while I'm making our breakfast. We eat together every day before I go to work. Eventhough he's very old, I really can't picture my daily life without him. I've been reading this site for a few weeks trying to get some insight on what it will be like when it happens. I've been lucky so far. I'm 44 years old & have not experienced the death of someone really close to me, especially part of my every day life. He'll be the first. My husband & I don't have kids, so the house will be so quiet & empty when he's gone. He's our baby. I feel anxious about how it will happen. I pray every day it will be peacefully while he's asleep. He deserves a peaceful ending. The last 2 years have been a battle for him & he's always taken it like a trooper. The vet tells me it won't be peaceful, but she's been wrong so far. I have his travel cage ready, with a bag of "things" to take if he's in distress and we need to have the doctor end it. I so much hope it won't be that way, scared & startled at the doctor's office. I'm also anxious about how I'll feel once he's gone. Reading the other posts only hold promises of deep sorrow, depression and emptyness, which is right around the corner for me. I try to live for the present moment, which does help. He's still alive now & I truly enjoy every minute I spend with him. So I guess you'll be hearing from me at some future moment, the moment I'm not looking forward to. I feel like I've written his post to myself, more than to you out there. Keep Raki in your prayers. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks.
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