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tiffyj2002

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Everything posted by tiffyj2002

  1. I lost my dad too who is/was my bestfriend, etc...... I am 34 years old and fear what will I do on the day I do get married. Where is my dad? He is not here? My step sister lost her dad and her husband both parents...she had her brothers walk her down the aisle and they did a very touching ceremony for her dad and his parents before the ceremony. It was brief but appropriate. I see you posted a while ago in Jan. so don't know if you are married yet. I wish you well and happyness. My thoughts go out to you! Tiff
  2. My dad. I will go to Hawaii and swim when his estate his completed. So in response what a wonderful idea to find somehow to be with your mother. I am always asking 'what would dad tell me' and I continously tell myself the same thing. My step mom who lost her first husband and now my dad..unimaginable! I lost my dad in an instant. I miss him so much and don't know what to do with myself. I date and instantly loose them due to my sadness. My mom is a real non communicatear. I don't mean to sound like such a downer......i am so sad and don't know how to get out of this funk and now it is going to be a year in a month and 5 days. []
  3. I am coming up on the 1-year mark. I feel the last year has been a bit of a roller coaster. I have ups and downs. I was in town today and went to the cemetary because I had a little mid-life crisis of my own. He would have been the tell me everything is ok. Tiffany you are going to be fine! It made me feel better going to the cemetary but I had to drive home and all I wanted to do was call him. I wanted to tell him about my sorrow, grief for him and my current problem. I know he is the only one to make it better. I don't know what to do; feel better?! I have had the last time he visited me in my town, over the weekend (a year ago) I was visiting and i remember what he ate for dinner, my next date will be grandma's bday and ofcourse his passing on May 18. This is so F*** hard! I don't know how people do it....I do not know how people move on from loosing a parent who was their bestfriend? Tiff
  4. I miss my dad so much! I do not know how I will get the Holidays. He loved Xmas and so did I! This is the first time in my life i've never decorated my house or done anything....my mom is of no help because she actually lets it known how much she 'hate's christmas'. I told her don't worry we won't be celebrating then she sends my brother and I an email, how can I make xmas good for you two? Now let's say she is spear heading with my brother to sue my step mother on a different matter. I feel like a lost orphan. I miss my dad so much! I have friends and family taking advantage of me and I haven't even had the will read or done.....my friend we went to the Civil War and I paid for the entire thing....I told my step mom and already did not trust people...is this how my life will be from now until.? I am a lost sole.....my mom doesn't help because she is trying to get my dads S.S. money and I said to her if you get it you should give it to my brother and I! she said, no way! I wish she would go away...or I could go away from her or she and my brother would go away! A new day! A new day has not come to me.........
  5. My dad passed away 6 months ago today. I was doing fine until 10:47 am the last time I spoke with him. I started crying at the bank, went shopping but that only made me cry, i posted on FB and twitted not that it was 6 months, only todays date. One of my friends wrote me back, "we aren't stupid we know today's date"! She was/is one of BF's. I say that pretty loosely because I have lost so many friends in the last 6 months. My mom (they are divorced) started talking to me today about my 'wedding'! I thought what the F***, I am not even engaged nor have a boyfriend. I though how insensitive of all days to bring this up...well she is a whole different problem! I am not allowed to have any feelings around her because life is all about her and what she does! I am sad today. I don't really have anyone else to tell because all my friends don't want to talk to me anymore. Ok, I do have some friends left.... I also don't want anything to do with Thanksgiving because my dad and i would go xmas shopping the day after thanksgiving and go out for a spanish coffee. It is what we did every year. I hear from my step-mom she will not be celebrating any Holiday and that the family business xmas party will aalso not be happening?! In some ways, I am shocked because I think my dad would want us to make an attempt and not entirely forget but how can we go on when these holidays meant so much to him........I am also sad because my mom is making no attempt to take the place of my dad or help in anyway make me feel better? My thoughts for 6 months into this horrible situation!
  6. Today marks 3 months. It was so odd at 10:45 (last time I spoke to him) I sat there for a moment, then at 12:30 the time I tried calling him after eating lunch, and again at 3:30 when I boarded the plane for home. I think these 3 different times will forever be marked in my memory on this date. I have really figured out who my friends are over the past 3 months and am left with only a few select friends and it baffles me? My brother and I are going over to a friends for a bbq to celebrate the day. Is that appropriate celebrating the day?
  7. I had my dr. prescribe a RX for sleeping pills. It helps but sometimes I'll wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning. I too have a hard time functioning during the day.
  8. My dad passed away unexpectedly on May 18, 2009. I talked to him on the phone at 10:47 while I was at the SFO airport. I always called him whenever I landed/departed on an airplane. He told me to find something to eat, find my gate, take a nap, and call him when I was headed home. I never heard from him again. I called him 8 times that night (I later in the week looked). I knew something was wrong because I talked to my dad sometimes 3-4 times a day. I told him everything about my life! He was trully my bestfriend, savior, and dad! I miss him so much. I am 34 and he was 62. He passed away 2 days before his birthday. My birthday was 2 weeks later to the date and he had already purchased my bday gift. I didn't open it until my birthday! My parents are divorced and he has a new wife. All was fine until the day after my birthday I have not heard from her since (now 2 months). I was not able to go back to work, function in reality for about a month in a half. I went to 2 weddings in June which were incredibly painful because he will never see me at my wedding. I finally went back to work after the 4th of July. Brief History: I work with my mom and up until May 18 basically ran the business. I returned and she promptly demoated me and had me doing the grunt/crap work. I was insulted and had a hard time being there for the entire 8 hours of the day. I usually lasted 3 or 4 hours. She then began saying very mean things to me, "You don't do anything right, you make so many mistakes, you are a screw-up, etc". I was so hurt but because I was hurting in so many other ways and basically in a fog I let her take it out on me. She has told me, The day I called her to tell her my dad had passed away she says, I couldn't stop yelling at her. My response "what was i suppose to say, ha mom guess what but dad has died, so what are you doing today"? I am not able to grieve around her and apparently I am suppose to be perfect. I was out of town last week (not by choice) but also to see my boyfriend. I returned home and she had me in complete tears on thursday and friday. She said, the most insulting things to me and tearing me apart! I sat in my office crying. Long story short today she fired me! She said, you never do anything right, make so many mistakes, etc, etc, etc! I find it so strange that pre-May 18 I was running a business and in the process of taking it over but suddenly now my dad (who she knows was my bestfriend) is gone and she takes it upon herself to rip me apart and FIRE ME, WTF? I do see a grieve counselor who told me today: Your mom openly let everyone know that she would take care of you and your brother but now in reality she does not want to do that....and for her to suddenly have to take care of you or be nice is too overwhelming. It is true. I have not been able to stop crying since last wednesday (when I returned home). I went to the cemetary and laid down next to his grave for over an hour in heat at 100+ degrees. Now, I don't understand with everything going on how my mother, my own mother can fire me! I know she is telling people a completelly different story and making me sound like the bad person. I trully am not believe me she says the meanniest (is that a word?) things to me since I returned. She is all I have left but she doesn't seem to care. She tells me I am self-centered and selfish......I am not! My own grieve counselor told me today, i've only known you for a short while and can tell you that you are in no way any of those things. I read all of these posts from people and have never posted anything. I didn't know what to write. I didn't know what I needed. I have some amazing friends where others don't understand why I haven't moved on. I have some who understand but start to tell me to look for a job, move, do this..I honestly can't imagine doing anything. I go to bed at a normal time but wake up in the middle of the night thinking about my dad, I dream about him, and constantly think about him during the day. I am so hurt and lost. Thank you. I hope some of this mess made a little bit of sense.
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