My older brother by (14 months) died of a heroine OD on June 2, 1999. He had been battling it for quite some time. He finally lost the battle and ended up dieing alone in a car. I don't know if he was in pain when he died or if he was scared. I have a lot of guilt because I couldn't help him. Tommy never did anything without me. I learned to drive first (even tho he was older). I was the older one mentally. I always took care of him. He was my best friend. When he died I felt like how is he going to go to heaven without me there with him. Ever since his death i've had horrific graphic nighmares that I can't get to go away. He's always alive in the but dieing or going to die. A couple of times he's pulled me into the grave with him. I don't know that i've grieved fully for him, although my therapist thinks I have. I feel lost without him. He has left me basically an only child. I have a half sister that I have found from my mom's first marriage but she is my biological father's daughter. She isn't all that interested in having a relationship. My step brother doesn't want a relationship with me. The only person in the world who was always there for me is gone and i've never been able to get over it. Can someone help me with this???? It's effecting my relationships. My mom isn't the same since he died. She won't do things with me. I also have anger towards my brother that I can't let go of. Why he allowed heroine to get the better of him. If someome has advice i'd appreciate it. I'm a first time poster and first timer to this forum. Thank you for listening to my rant. I know i'm all over the place right now.
