Well I'm new to this site and I wanted to post a bulletin so I could get some help in the grieving process of my 13 year old Golden Retreiver Lucky Bear. Lucky Bear was the best dog anyone could have ever asked for. He guarded our family, slept with me when I lived at home, let me cry on him when times got tough, listened better than any dog in the world and was just an amazing dog in general. It all started back in 1996 when my dad and my now ex brother in law found him along the road covered in mud and burrs, starving to death. The only thing that saved him was he was left by a creek and my brother in laws sharp eye sight. Well June 8th I lost my buddy. Thursday is when the hell started. He couldn't walk very well and his appetitie was next to nothing. We called the vets and they decided to put him on a steroid, which seemed to perk him up. The next day we took him to the vets where they did blood work and said everything was okay that he may just have a stomach problem other than his existing enlarged heart; at that same time they clipped his toe nails which consisted of musseling him because he hated people playing with his paws. Maybe that was too much.They said to put him on an antiinflammatory starting Wednesday. Well Monday I recieved a phone call from my parents saying that Lucky Bear was not doing all that well and he was going back to the vets at 845am. Me and my fiance went over to my parents and I saw the most heart breaking scene. My Lucky Bear was laying on the floor. He couldn't move, he wouldn't eat or drink and his breathing was very shallow. My dad and fiance scooped him up in a blanket where Lcuky Bear started defecating on himself. I knew the end was not that far away but I still wasn't ready. We took him to the vets where they gave us 3 options: euthanize him, take him to a specialist in Pittsburgh where it would cost $2000-3000 or have them do whatever they could. We opted for them to do whatever they could. We came to find out he was running a temperture of 107 and that he could possibly have an infection or a tumor. Well we said our good byes and left and followed the instructions to call the vets around noon to check up on him. Noontime came around and we called and they said his temperature dropped and that he was resting comfortably and that we were to call back in 2 hours. Well 40 minutes rolled around and the phone rang, I looked at the caller ID and saw that doomed number where I knew the end was here. Sure enough they called to tell us that Lucky Bear had passed on. The news was unbearable; my dad went up and got his body to bury him next to a dog we lost before we got him. Seeing his motionless body was enough to send me into a screaming crying rage. I was just hoping he would wake up and be okay but I knew that was not going to happen. It has been 24 hours and I'm sitting here wondering what happened. How he could go from doing okay at noon to being dead 40 minutes later. I called the vets to reaasure my mind that it wasn't their fault, and indeed she said he passed on peacefully in his sleep which in my heart I believe but my mind doesn't want too. More feelings of guilt left me thinking if me moving out in November caused him to feel heart broken since he slept with me and was left to sleep with no one else or maybe was it from my mom getting 2 new puppies; could he possibly have felt betrayed? Did taking him to the vets Saturday put his heart to the test when they cut his toe nails? Then the worst feeling in the world is we left him at the vets for them to treat him, did he feel like we left him there to die? I know what I'm feeling is normal but these thoughts are killing me. I went to bed that night crying cause I was in my nice comfy bed while he is in the cold ground. I have a picture of him on my TV and everytime I look at it I cry. I just need someone to help me get through this. I have a 14 year old dog as well and I was sure she would have been first to go. Please help me...please.
