Dear all, I had to euthanize my thirteen year old siameze/calico cat Sophie. She was such a beautiful and joyful cat. She was the first cat I had ever had. My daughter and I adopted Sophie as a kitten when my daughter was 11. Both my "girls" my daughter and Sophie, grew up together. Sophie was never sick a day in her life until the last few months. Then she was diagnosed with hyperthyroid and I put her on the medicine - which worked for a few weeks but then made her really ill. I knew she was dying (because I know my cat) so I took her to the vet to see what I could do to ease her suffering - and to find out what to expect. The vet convinced me that she wasn't dying and just needed an IV infusion and some antibiotics. He took blood to run tests. I was so happy to hear my cat wasn't dying even though my intuition told me she was. The next day (Friday) the vet called frantically to say that Sophie was indeed dying (hyper thyroid and liver failure)but that I needed to rush her right in to be hospitalized which would include $$$ and painful tests and treatments. I was confused at the mixed messages and wasn't sure what to do. I observed my dear Sophie - she hadn't eaten, drank, or used the cat box in three days. Her eyes were sinking into her head and she looked miserable. She didn't want to be held and she didn't seem happy. Saturday I agonized over what to do for my dear cat. My vet didn't seem to want to discuss the issue of euthanization and I didn't want to argue about treatment, so I called around the valley to other cat organizations to see what I should do. I called a local organization committed to cat welfare. A very kind and knowledgeable woman explained to me the pros and cons of letting Sophie die at home on her own (the natural process) versus the kindness of euthanization. After our phone call I knew that I needed to choose euthanization. I called a different vet who was willing to work with me. I explained all the tests, the results, and her behavior - after a brief exam, he agreed that Sophie was indeed dying. Here is where I need the help - by the time I got the information I needed to have to make the decision for euthanization, I had only 1/2 hour to go pick up my husband from work and get Sophie to the vet before they closed - and waiting until the next day was not an option as it would be Sunday and everything would be closed. I didn't want my cat to suffer. I had every intention of staying with her during the euthanization process, but when the time came I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I want you all to understand that I am a very brave person. I held my dad's hand when he died at the age of 55. I held my grandma when she died at 80. I was part of their process. I've helped welcome babies into the world and I even jumped into a frozen over canal to save my dog who had fallen through the ice, but I couldn't hold my precious cat as she made her journey. I gave her a hug, told her how much I loved her, handed her to the vet, and left. Now that I know about Euthanasia from this site and others, I realize I could have asked the vet to please give her the sedative. I could have stayed with her while they gave her the sedative and then left when she was asleep but before they administered the fatal drugs. But I didn't. I feel so bad about it. I loved her so much but I couldn't be there for her at the very end. My courage failed me and I feel that I failed her. I would love some support from people who understand. Thank you.
