ForeverDaisyBellesMom

Dearest Charlie Girl, I'm so, so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful puppy. I too just lost my Golden unexpectedly last Thursday so I can honestly say I understand the intense, intense pain and guilt. Please let me say you did not leave "her" at a drop box. She had already returned to heaven. This was only her little shell that enabled her to be on earth. True, 5 months is a short time but what did she give you and your family during those 5 months? What did she teach you and what did you learn? It was a horrible accident, it wasn't your fault and I'm so sorry you had to witness what happened. It is hard for me to understand why people don't stop when they know they've hit. To a lot of people it's nothing more than an "inconvenience" or maybe the driver thought he/she would be in trouble or responsible somehow. Regardless, I personally feel there is a MORAL obligation to stop and see if any help can be offered. Your youngest son is too young to understand what happened yet but I think I would explain to your older one that each life is special and while you can easily get another puppy from a million different sources (hopefully rescue) they won't be like the one you had. If you get another one will you do things differently? I know the images of such a traumatic even can be etched into your mind but try to remember that was one event. What about the hundreds of other happy moments she had with you. Sometimes, like people who are taken too soon from us, animals are only here for a short time to teach us things. Maybe your puppy was sent to do that and then that mission was accomplished. I'd be weary of getting another one right now just from how you sound. You don't want to continually compare another dog to her. Another dog won't ever be her. Also, dogs are a lot of work and you have 2 young children who require a lot of attention themselves. While I feel a dog is beneficial to a family, especially children, you have to be sure it's the right time for all of you.

Dearest Sweet Baby dea, I completely understand the grief you are going through and I'm so sorry about Lucky Bear. I am going through almost exactly the same thing right now. I lost my 12 1/2 year old beautiful, perfect Golden, Daisy Belle, last Thursday. The circumstances were so similar to yours it was eerie and that is what prompted me to write. I had been searching everywhere for comfort as I've been crying uncontrollably. It's the most horrid, empty feeling and I know how unbearable the pain is. Honestly, there are times when I wonder how I'll survive this. Daisy Belle also stopped eating and we thought it was just a gastrointestinal upset. She got sick Sunday night 3 weeks ago, we took her to the vet's Monday as she wouldn't eat even home made chicken and rice and was lethargic. They did blood work and said everything was fine and sent us home with an antibiotic and did 1 liter of saline, sub q to help with her fever. Still, no appetite. Thursday came and we took her back again. Still running a fever. Again, a few more tests including an adrenal test, thinking she may have had Addison's but it came back the opposite. Too much cortisol which they said could be from a pheochromocytoma she had had on her right adrenal gland but then again that didn't explain all the symptoms. I mentioned to the vet that she appeared to have labored breathing but they said they couldn't hear anything. They did x-rays and they were clear. They said she may be panting more because of the fever. Another liter of saline and we took her home. She seemed to perk up some. Saturday she ate a little bit of rice with some wet food and I was so incredibly happy. I thought that she was getting better. She was moving around really well, even playing toys. I had to go to work and leave for just one night the next Sunday but she was eating special treats I had bought at the vets. I was happy she was eating something. She was drinking a lot during the whole time and the vet said it was because of the fever. Monday night she stopped eating for good and not even peanut butter or turkey helped. In fact it seemed the thought of food sickened her. The vet told us there was nothing else they could do as she had antibiotics and everything was coming back normal. Tusday she slept a lot, no breathing problems. Wednesday morning we took her to a specialty center as she still wasn't eating and it was so hard to get her in the car. She could barely move. They had to wheel her in on a stretcher. Even then, I was optimistic as the vets there said they would do IV antibiotics as they thought this was just a bad bug. Her pulse ox though was 81 and their x-rays showed fluid in her chest. Her cortisol levels were high but they told me that could be from stress of the illness. They gave her oxygen too and late that night her pulse ox came up to 91 and her fever dropped a little. We were so, so excited. We thought in another couple of days we'd take her home. She had been doing so well until this happened. Thursday morning we were on our way to visit and they said she took a turn for the worse, her fever was up to 105.9 and they think she developed a clot in her lungs. When we saw her she was barely conscious and heaving to breathe. It was the hardest thing to watch. And I had to make the hardest decision in my life. She was already dying. The vet said we could take her to Penn and have her put on a ventilator but that wouldn't change anything. I could never do that to her but I didn't want to lose her. We had to put her down last Thursday at 1.45pm ET. A part of me went with her. We took her home with us. I didn't want her in a refrigerator, away from me. I stayed downstairs with her until Friday morning we had to take her little shell to a crematorium. We got to see her one last time and they opened up the box. She looked so incredibly peaceful. I kissed her again and again. She was so incredibly soft. I had her remains cremated so I'd be with her until my time, which I truly believe is coming. I'm not sure if I can survive this pain. I prayed so hard that she would allow me to come with her. I always knew I'd never be able to function without her. We loved her so much it was scary. I have horrible guilt feelings over a few mistakes I made in the early years. I had always asked her to please forgive me. I feel guilty I took her for granted so much. I was so incredibly blessed to have her for the time I did. I feel guilty over the vets. Should I have taken her to the specialty place sooner? The vets can't give me answers as to what happened. Think of how fateful it was that you found Lucky Bear. He was meant to be with you and your family. Where would he have been without you? Lucky Bear was truly blessed to have you and you were blessed to have had him for so many years. He knew how much you loved him. He still knows. I truly believe they are in heaven now. My father, who was in the medical field, would always say that every living thing is comprised of energy and since energy can not be created, nor destroyed, where does it go when you die? Sweet Baby, I don't think that the nail clipping and muzzle did this. Don't blame yourself. How many nail clippings had he had in his lifetime? A 107 fever is very high. His normal temp was around 102. There was something more going on. At 14 his physical body just couldn't fight like it used to. You did everything you possibly could and I am convinced your angel felt your love as he returned to heaven. He isn't in pain anymore. I have moments where I'm somewhat ok and then moments where I cry and shake uncontrollably. My father is also very sick. I have to return to my job at the airline tomorrow and I'm worried about how I'm going to manage. I had gone through the death of my beloved grandmother almost 8 years ago but looking back on it Daisy Belle was my strength. I had to go on for her. She needed me and I needed her. Then we lost our cat last Christmas to kidney failure. Again, Daisy Belle was my rock. I concentrated everything on her. Now she's gone. I still expect her to be here. Everything I do or see reminds me of her somehow. We did everything together. My whole life rotated around her. I've not been able to eat for a week. I tried last evening but it didn't take. I don't even want to drink. I think maybe eventually I'll shrivel up and then I won't hurt anymore. I know deep down this isn't right but the pain and emptiness is THAT bad. I miss so much cuddling with her, kissing her, her smell, her warmth. Today at 1.45, a week later after she returned to heaven, I knelt down next to her and said a prayer and told her how much I loved her and missed her here with me. How much everyone loved her. I asked our Lord to take care of her. I will keep Lucky Bear and you in my prayers.