peanut40

Biru, My sincerest condolences to you and your family. I know exactly what you are going through with the images of your father. My mother passed April 18, 2009 from a year long battle with lung cancer. Please trust me when i say the bad images do fade and the good replace them. One thing I have found that truly helped me was looking at pictures of all the great times every time a bad image came into my head. I am finally now able to smile and laugh at things we did or what she would say about things. I too was at my mothers side the day she passed, holding her hand when she took that last breath, I also live in her home so I know exactly what you're feeling. I know its a very tough time for you right now, but believe all of us when we say time will heal. The memories will never go away and you dont want them to, but it does get easier with time. Cry when you need to its a better feeling after and its ok to cry its all part of the healing process. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am here to listen. We're all in your shoes and we all know how to listen and possibly give some ideas on how to cope with the healing. My prayers to you

My mother passed away April 18, 2009 after a year long battle with lung cancer. I was thankfully by her side the last week non stop. Which is worse, being there to watch them pass or getting a phone call that they passed? Neither, cause either way you have grief, guilt, anger and every other horrible emotion to deal with. Everyone says it gets easier as time goes by, when will that happen? Should I feel guilty cause i just want to move on with my life and not think about it like i do now? I'm not the type to take pills for anything, but I'm seeing no other way of dealing with that and so many other things now. I had to move into my mothers house, I lost my job because of taking care of her and now cant find another to save my life, I'm taking care of a learning disabled brother and my child, what more could go wrong. Will there ever be anything good out of this horrible time? Sorry if I'm making anyone down, just needed to vent it all out. I've tried journaling, therapy and group and nothing seems to make it better, easier or make me feel better. The tears never seem to stop and its a combination of so many things gone wrong. I miss her and wish more then anything in this world that she was her. She was my best friend, my therapist, my drill sargeant, my all. I feel so lost and empty without her by my side.