Dear CML, I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. It's so hard when a parent dies. My Mom passed away 6 months ago. She also lived in our home and I was her caregiver for the last 15 months of her life. She was more special to me than I can ever say. Every day was filled with thinking of her, caring for her, loving her, and cherishing our relationship. It was very stressful at times caring for all her needs as well as caring for my disabled daughter, but I would not have changed that time for the world. Please, please, please, talk about your Mom. If people around you don't want to talk about her, find someone who will. I was just a little girl when my Daddy passed away many years ago. After he died no one talked about him. It was almost like if we didn't talk about him it meant it didn't really happen. Like somehow if we didn't acknowledge that he was gone, he wouldn't be gone. But all that did was bury the pain. After I grew up I asked my mother one time why we didn't talk about Daddy. She said she was afraid to talk about him because she didn't want to upset anyone. I wish we had talked about my Dad. I wish as a family we had shared the good and the bad, the laughter and the tears. But we didn't. When my mother passed away 6 months ago I decided I wasn't going to hold it all in this time. I knew it wasn't healthy for me or for the rest of my family. Since I've started opening up about my mother and her loss, I've also started feeling the grief and loss of my Dad. It's hard to feel this sadness and grief but I need to work through it so I'm not stuck in the sadness. Please know that you are cared about and if you can't find anyone who will talk face to face with you about your Mom and your feelings, write them here. We'll listen and we'll care. A friend who is hurting for you, PLS