I am an international student in US. It was always my biggest fear to get a sad news from back home and can not make it there on time. I had to face my biggest fear this Friday morning. I lost my granddad who was like a father to me. "Home" is too far that I couldn't even make it to his funeral.. I'm simply stuck here and crying. I can not find any desire to do something nor strength in me.. I couldn't sleep or eat well during this weekend. I completely lost track of time. All I was doing is trying to call home and try to be part of their process. My mom and uncles organized everything and escorted my granddad to his hometown.. Finally, today afternoon they had the funeral in his hometown. I was always on the phone and trying to be part of what was going on despite the time difference. And, crying the rest of the times. I am so scared. So scared for the rest of the people.. I am so scared that I will lose my other loved ones. I am planning to go home sometime during this week. I know I have to be strong.. I should not be all crying on the way or there. But, I simply can not control my tears. It devastates me that I couldn't say him goodbye. I couldn't see him for one final time. And, I can not imagine going to a home where he will NEVER be there again.
