Candace

dang I had a lot written and it poofed away. In essesence..thank you for being here shubom my dear one, I would wrap my arms around you and hold you tight and say its all going to be ok...but I dont know that it will be for me/it's still like a dream and I want to wake up. I read things about grief and it says Im right on track...I dont get that tho. I feel dead myself, just going thru the motions, life sucks

It was Monday, March 13th 2006. It, to me, was like any other Monday. I had been ill myself and was not in touch with my Mom....Always thinking that you should call her....I didn't. I got a strange call from her landlord...telling me to call her asap. She said that the neighbor felt strange that she had not seen my Mom yet that day. I didn't call the landlord. I got in my car and drove there....and I found her dead, she looked so peaceful....yet she was not there. Shes not there....all I want is one more minute with her...to tell her I love her. To do something nice for her. To hug her. Her birthday was March 15...she would of turned 80. At this time in her life she was just getting set financially...and she was suffering from asthma, and she was "spunky" as the neighbor said when she saw her at 6 PM the night before she died. I dont know what to do. I am so lost. I miss her beyond anything I could ever imagine....I function, I dont function. I cry all day. I cry all night, I cant sleep, I force myself to eat. I am mad. I am weary, its beyond my compreshension, and yet I feel happy for her finding peace. I love you Mom.