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bailey

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Everything posted by bailey

  1. Thank you all so much for your kind words and understanding. I am sick with guilt. I just keep thinking of how old she was, and that she exceeded her life expectancy for her size, so maybe if I had just cared for her longer, she could have died at home naturally. If I could reverse time at this point, I would do it differently. It's against human nature to love and care for your sweet pet for so long, and then have to switch gears and decide to end their life. I can't cope right now, I am just lost and so sad.
  2. I moved out of my mom's house when I was 21, 3 weeks later I met my sweet dog Bailey, she was a german shepherd/rottweiler mix. I adopted her from the shelter at only 10 weeks old. We took on the big bad world, just her and I. As the years went on, our family grew, first with my husband, and then our 2 daughters. With each addition, Bailey never showed any hostility or resentment, instead she happily welcomed each member and quickly realized it would just mean more people to love her and be loved by her. I had to put Bailey to sleep last monday, the 20th at 13 years and 8 months old. I have never felt such great pain and loss, and am looking anywhere and everywhere for hlp. I cannot cope, I can't even function in my daily responsibilities. I have 2 small children depending on me and I am a mess. I don't want to put away her dishes or vacuum up her hair. I just want her back. Bailey had several different ailments over the years, but we alwasy got through them together. Over the last couple of years, she started devolping lumos on her body which the vet determined at that point were just fat masses, and were a natural part of aging for some dogs. She had 2 large ones, that continued to grow with age, to about the size of a tennis ball, one on her tummy, which didn't seem to bother her, and the other on the front elbow which, as it grew, the skin stretched so much it bacame an open wound that would never heal because of the location and the constant tension on the skin. It would often leak fluid as well as sometimes bleed, but she never complained. Over the last year she developed another lump on her bum, seemed much like a hemmeroid. The dr said it was a tumor and would remove it and test it for cancer. He did, and it was clear, so we continued on. 6 months later, it came back, we had it removed and tested again, and again, clear. 2 months ago, excatly another 6 months ater the second surgery it came back again. Quicker and larger than the previous ones. Each time it came with blood as teh skin stretched or when she had a bowel movement. Some days it would drip blood, others just leave a smear when she sat down, again she never complained. This time the dr. said he did not want to operate as he rdidn't think it was a good idea due to her age as well as her life expectancy, so we were to just keep her comfortable and enjoy our time with her. She also had arthritic very bad in her legs and toes, but she continued on. The decision to put her down was so painful because she just seemd fine, she still ate, went on small walks, greeted you at the door, and wanted to be by your side always. I am having so much pain and guilt. Maybe it was too soon? Maybe she wasn't suffering? It's hard to see it objectively when you love and live with her. The dr felt it was time to give her dignity, and to prevent her going through anything else. She also had a oticeable weight loss, and he felt that was another indication something else was going on as well. I don't know. Everything I read talks about the daily functions going on pets, and she still had all those. I am filled with sadness and miss her more than I can express. I feel sick at the thought that maybe she wasn't ready, maybe I should have done more, maybe I let her down. I was so emotional, maybe I didn't think it through enough, I wish i could go back in time and change my mind. She means the world to me and I am lost without her. thanks for listening, and thoughts are greatly appreciated
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