I am overwhelmed. On July 25, 2009 I had to say goodbye to my precious "Kitty". I was told July 8th she had kidney failure. I decided to give her IV fluids, and in 17 days she died. It was sad and painful to say the least. I loved her dearly, and caring for her in her final days was both painful and deeply meaningful and I gave her all of my heart and cared for her till her final moments. I pressed on, and found some strength and hope in deciding to love my other cat Oscar more deeply and committing to give all my attention to loving him more. I was told in January of this year that Oscar had a heart murmur. The vet did not tell me at that time that it was serious. He told me what symptoms to watch out for, and what to do should Oscar present any of these problems. I dearly love Oscar, and soon after he came last winter, I fell in love with him. I was falling more and more in love with him. After my hospice with Kitty was finished, and a week of crying over her passing, I turned all my love and attention towards Oscar. I felt a new beginning with him. His precious heart was so open, and I allowed my heart to open even more to him, in hopes that now that I was not needing to focus on a dying Kitty, we could now begin to develop our deeper loving connection. To my shock and despair, Oscar dropped to the floor Tuesday morning, August 11th. I picked up his limp body and held him close only to feel him leave within seconds. I called the vet, yesterday, only to find out that his heart condition was actually worse than the vet had told me. I am sickened with overwhelming sadness, and angry that the vet did not give me all the information back in January. Had I known that his heart condition was more than an innocent murmur, I would have pursued additional testing and explored further treatment. I cannot begin to express the depth of anguish and complete sadness I feel over the loss of this beautiful cat. His presence changed my life in so many ways. And the absence of his loving eyes feels more than unbearable. I fear this awfulness will never end. I cannot imagine how I will ever be happy again. I keep seeing his caring eyes, and I burst into tears all over again. It just goes on and on and on. I really was still grieving the first loss, and now I am swallowed up in the loss of my precious boy. It was hard enough to lose Kitty, but she lived a good long life, and somehow that seemed easier to accept. Oscar was still a little boy. I only had him 8 months. I was falling in love with him. I feel that life is very cruel. I don't know now if I believe in a loving God. I can't believe that this could happen, only two and a half weeks after losing my Kitty. I feel I want to just give up and die, and then at least I might be able to be with them. I keep thinking that another day things will get better, but in fact, each day is getting more and more painful and dark. I am afraid of what lies ahead. I fear I may never recover from this terrible shocking blow. I feel I am losing touch with everything. I feel I cannot cope. The sadness is totally off the scale. I feel as if I have been raped and robbed. I am overwhelmed and at a total loss how to move on. Thank you all for listening and caring. Sue Here is a picture of Oscar loving my friend Dale. I will always love you, beautiful Oscar!! Forever !! I want to world to know how deeply I love you. I hope you know how much I miss you, and how deeply I love you.
