Susan Shropshire

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is mostly your grief that is making you think this way. I know from experience. We had to euthanize our beloved Zach (15 years old) due to arthritis so bad he could no longer stand up from sitting without help. He could barely walk and could no longer live in the fenced yard with the other dogs. He was in pain but didn't show it as much as you would think. We made the decision and took him in one day and at the time I knew it was the right decision. As soon as he was gone I started to go into depression, I kept thinking "Why did we do this!" If we hadn't done it, he would still be alive. I should have just spent more time sitting with him and walking him, I should have..... It tore me apart. I finally realized that it was for HIM that we did it. He didn't have a quality of life and it wasn't as if he was going to get better. He would have just continued to suffer just so I could have him around. After 15 years I believe that he knew how much we loved him. Don't focus on the "end" of life. Focus on the LIFE that was lived. Remember all the happiness that you had and don't focus on the end. That was just a blink in the entire life of your baby.

Thank you for your post and you are right. Time has made it a little easier. Once my grief was not as raw I started to think about how miserable he must have been and all the wonderful days he had in the yard with the other dogs and that he had become a prisoner in the garage. I felt regret for not spending more time with him but I then though about what could I have really done differently. He couldn't walk and at times I walked him a little longer than he needed and he would have to sit and rest to make it back. I thought about taking him out onto the screened in porch but then I thought, it is so close to the other dogs he would have been able to hear them and it would have made him want to be with them. I think in the beginning our grief is so strong and we can't see as clearly. I do spend more time with the other dogs now. We walk them (yes all 3) most every afternoon now and I have learned to not take them for granted. We never know when we might lose someone (furry or not) and we should learn to treasure every minute we have and not wait to regret it when they are gone. I have attached a photo of my baby Zack. Susan

Izzy, I know how devastated you are at this time. I lost my beloved Zack just two and 1/2 weeks ago. He was a gorgeous Siberian Husky that had reached the amazing age of 14 1/2! He was born only two months after my daughter so we saw him as a member of our family. His last 8 weeks were spent barely being able to walk due to arthritis and he had started to lose control of his bowel movements. It was a sad situation for him. We had to make the terribly devastating decision to have him euthanized. I immediately felt regret and wanted him back. I felt regret for not spending more time with him, finding someway to make it easier for him to walk and more. I was overwhelmed and spent most of the next couple of days crying. We have 3 other dogs and two cats and I, like you, threw all my attention toward them. I have also found comfort in finding ways to keep busy. Try to find someway to keep yourself occupied and find something that will bring you a little joy. Maybe start a blog about your beloved babies and help other people who are going through the same situation. or maybe volunteer at a local shelter or vet and spend time with animals that need you. Do it in honor of your lost loved ones. I also lost another loved one three years ago. We had Barney for 13 years and he had cancer. We first found it in his mouth and they were able to take it out but it then came back in his throat and probably all over his body and they were not able to operate. We had to have him euthanized since the only other option was to let him starve to death. So, I know how hard it is to lose more than one but of course we had a little longer to heal between deaths. Also, know that God is a loving God. He gave them to you as companions for the short time that they were here and know that he loves them just as much as you do. You know it says that he watches the sparrow and knows what happens to them so we know that he watches our pets as well. As with our human loved ones, we never know the reason for their passing but we have to know that there is a bigger plan that we are unaware of. I know the anger at the Vet as well. We gave Zack medication for his arthritis and as it progressed the vet wanted to give us lower doses due to the effects the medication would have on him. I just wanted to be with us as long as possible. I have a friend that has a dog with a heart condition and I can tell you from her experience that there isn't a lot of options. She has paid quite a lot of money and spend a lot of time researching alternatives and hasn't been able to find any solutions. Don't beat yourself or the vet up. I don't think there would have been anything more for you to do than to just love him. Know that with time the pain will get easier. I know that it will never go away but you will begin to function again. Just know that they would not want you to stop living, they would want to you to remember them and remember all the joy they brought you. I will keep you in my prayers so that you may receive some comfort during this horrible time. Susan PS Attached is a photo of my baby Zack

On July 29th I had to have my 14 1/2 year old Siberian Husky Zack euthanize. He began to show signs of arthritis about 2 years ago and it progressively got worse. Our backyard is very sloped and it was very difficult and at times impossible for him to walk up and down. We have three other dogs that were in the back yard with him so we were trying to keep him with them if possible. At the first of June we had to move him up to our garage. We made it as comfortable as possible putting three fans in with him and keeping the garage door open and putting a long ladder at the door so he could not wander off. I would go out and walk him at least every other hour to let him go to the bathroom and get out of the garage. He progressively got worse and over the last two weeks could only walk up to the top of the driveway without having to sit down. He didn't want to put any weight on his back hip and would walk very slow and limp. He also started to "poop" during his sleep and at times in the morning we could go out and he would have gotten it all over his back end. He then got to where he could hardly stand up on his on and most of the time we had to help pull him up or my husband would have to lift him to his feet. On Tuesday night, early Wed morning he hardly slept. He had gotten where he wanted to sleep during the day and stay awake at night. My husband sat with him for about 2 hours until he went to sleep and then I went out around 3:30 am and stayed with him until around 5:00 a.m. We had been giving Zack 20mg predisone (sp) for a month and then the vet reduced it to 10mg. Even with the 20mg it didn't seem to help. We were also giving him glucosemine (sp) for quite some time. We made the hard decision to have him euthanized on Wednesday afternoon and I have been distraught ever since. After having such a long night he had slept much of Wednesday morning. We tried to get him to wake up to see how he was walking. My husband picked him up and he didn't want to put any weight on his back leg. We made the decision to go ahead and take him since my husband was off that day. I have been distraught with guilt that I didn't spend more time with him that day and that we didn't find some other way to keep him with us longer. I could have sat with him more, put him in the screened in porch and sat with him during the day so he wasn't alone so much toward the end. But then I think, they may have made it even harder. I think the fact that so much of my time was spent taking care of him the last two month since I am the one at home has made me develop a habit and now I feel lost during the day since I don't have him to check on. I can't even do normal daily task for the grief and guilt that I feel. I don't want to eat and when I sleep I dream about him. Can someone please help me to get through this? Will the pain ease with time? Did we do the right thing by having him euthanised? I know some people say "It's just a dog" but I feel that he was my responsibility and I let him down.... I wish I could take it back and spend a little more time with him. I feel like maybe we made the decision too fast and I should have made my peace with him first.