Izzy, I know how devastated you are at this time. I lost my beloved Zack just two and 1/2 weeks ago. He was a gorgeous Siberian Husky that had reached the amazing age of 14 1/2! He was born only two months after my daughter so we saw him as a member of our family. His last 8 weeks were spent barely being able to walk due to arthritis and he had started to lose control of his bowel movements. It was a sad situation for him. We had to make the terribly devastating decision to have him euthanized. I immediately felt regret and wanted him back. I felt regret for not spending more time with him, finding someway to make it easier for him to walk and more. I was overwhelmed and spent most of the next couple of days crying. We have 3 other dogs and two cats and I, like you, threw all my attention toward them. I have also found comfort in finding ways to keep busy. Try to find someway to keep yourself occupied and find something that will bring you a little joy. Maybe start a blog about your beloved babies and help other people who are going through the same situation. or maybe volunteer at a local shelter or vet and spend time with animals that need you. Do it in honor of your lost loved ones. I also lost another loved one three years ago. We had Barney for 13 years and he had cancer. We first found it in his mouth and they were able to take it out but it then came back in his throat and probably all over his body and they were not able to operate. We had to have him euthanized since the only other option was to let him starve to death. So, I know how hard it is to lose more than one but of course we had a little longer to heal between deaths. Also, know that God is a loving God. He gave them to you as companions for the short time that they were here and know that he loves them just as much as you do. You know it says that he watches the sparrow and knows what happens to them so we know that he watches our pets as well. As with our human loved ones, we never know the reason for their passing but we have to know that there is a bigger plan that we are unaware of. I know the anger at the Vet as well. We gave Zack medication for his arthritis and as it progressed the vet wanted to give us lower doses due to the effects the medication would have on him. I just wanted to be with us as long as possible. I have a friend that has a dog with a heart condition and I can tell you from her experience that there isn't a lot of options. She has paid quite a lot of money and spend a lot of time researching alternatives and hasn't been able to find any solutions. Don't beat yourself or the vet up. I don't think there would have been anything more for you to do than to just love him. Know that with time the pain will get easier. I know that it will never go away but you will begin to function again. Just know that they would not want you to stop living, they would want to you to remember them and remember all the joy they brought you. I will keep you in my prayers so that you may receive some comfort during this horrible time. Susan PS Attached is a photo of my baby Zack