Sherry - Author/Speaker

Yes, I agree, your life does sound like a Lifetime movie right now. Sometimes you wonder how it seems like some families seem to go on w/o anything going wrong in their families and others seem to 'have it all' go wrong in a short time. You certainly seemed to have had more than your share. Wow. It would be now when your boys would definately need you the most and now matter how hard it is for you right now, you must be here for them. Losing their mom, sister and friend has had to have had a deep affect on them. So you need to do what it takes to help yourself you can care for them. Ask people for help, go to your pastor, take walks like Ron suggested, do fun things with your family even when you don't feel like it, and if it is affordable, take a family vacation. I know because for two years I thought I was living the life of Job (from the Bible). In two years, I buried two grandchildren, my daughter miscarried twins and later another miscarriage, we had a home fire, my dad nearly died, and my grandma died. One day we just decided to go on a little vacation, even tho we didn't feel like it. It was the best thing we did. It wasn't elaborate but it was just a fresh perspective. The hurts were here for a long time but it helped. By the grace of God we got thru it all. I pray that your family will too.

I am so sorry for your loss. Often times, people don't understand why a mother can't get over the loss of a miscarriage because the child wasn't ever born. They don't understand that it truly is a loss just the same as any other loss. The child had a heartbeat, a soul, and the mother loved that being inside of her. The mother feels that loss deeply. The mother had plans for that child and now the child is gone. I went thru this with my daughter. She lost two infants and had two miscarriages. We had many different feelings as we went thru our grief stages. I truly do feel for you because I can feel your pain pulsating thru your words on your page. I do hope you can find someone who is close to you who will listen to you and give you an outlet for your feelings. Only by the grace of God did we get thru our trials but we did get thru them. Again, I am sorry.

As a grandmother who has lost two grandchildren, I can tell you a kind word, phone call or a card at any time is warmly accepted by one who has lost a child. It will show your friend that you are still thinking of her/him and more importantly, still care that she/he still is in pain and may want and/or need to talk to someone. Many people forget the pain does not end the day after the funeral. You must be a very compassionate and understanding person. A thinking of you card with a personal message would be very nice. God bless people such as you.

I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your tremendous loss. Having loss two infant grandchildren myself, I know the pain and deep anguish you are feeling right now. I did not lose my grandchildren thru the hands of someone else, but it still hurts. It would be so hard to ever trust anyone ever again with my child knowing that you were at this day care for two years prior and never had any signs of any previous trouble with your provider. It makes it so hard for mothers everywhere to once again leave their children in the care of another person. Was this person alone? If so, you might want to consider another day care where there is more than one person at all times in the day care. I don’t know. All I know is please never blame yourself. You did not do anything wrong. Again, my heart goes out to you and your family for your great loss. There is no greater pain than the loss of a child. The void that a child leaves behind is beyond expression in words. But one day you will have hope again. Your heart will find joy again and you will be able to remember your baby with fond memories. But for now, let those tears flow so that your soul can heal. May God wrap His arms around you and give you great comfort and peace.

I can relate to your story. It relates to my grandson who was stillborn. His death was very hard and very unexpected. Shortly after his death my daughter was trying to fill the void of his death and thought maybe doing something different to the house would help. So we went to the department store and went to the curtain aisle. While there, a few aisles over we heard a newborn baby cry. We just looked at each other and started sobbing while holding and looking at these curtains. A lady passed us and looked at us like we were crazy! We continued to look at the curtains while crying. We didn't care. It was a healing moment for us. Sometimes you just have to cry no matter where you are. It heals the soul. So go ahead and cry where ever. And I am very sorry for the loss of your dear mom. She must have been very special.

My heart breaks for this wife and mother. Prayers have gone up for this young family. May God wrap His arms around this family and bring them comfort in this difficult time of their life. May her family and closest friends surround her in the years to come as she is going to need the strength.

I am so very, very sorry for your tremendous loss. Nothing compares to the loss of a parent losing their child. With us just celebrating Mother’s Day, it is just one more reminder of a child not with us. My heart went out to you as I read your story. You said you can’t stop shedding the tears. Your pain is very sharp right now as you just lost your precious child and you don’t want to stop those tears as they are healing. You need to shed those tears and never be ashamed to let them roll down your cheeks at any point of time. I wasn’t. My daughter has had to bury two children and therefore that means I’ve lost two grandchildren. You will always have a hole in your heart but in time it will heal but you will never for get your little boy. But right now that is very hard to even fathom and that is okay. You need to take all the time you need to heal and grieve for your son. Don’t EVER let anyone tell you that you have a certain amount of time to grieve. Again, I am sorry for the loss of your son. I will say a prayer for your family. My faith is what carried me thru the darkest of dark days.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can relate to your pain only in the fact that I too have lost grandchildren but not in the way that you have. I can’t imagine losing them in the way that you did. But I do want to say you can not blame yourself for what happened. This is not your fault. Part of your anger may be directed at yourself and you cannot do that. I remember when my first grandchild died (I’ve lost two) I blamed myself for not getting to the hosptial sooner. For some reason I thought if I would have gotten there sooner maybe I could have told the doctors what to do. I now know that is not true. I know yours is a whole different case but I just wanted to tell you not to blame yourself. Your grandson knew you loved him. I just want you to know I have said a prayer for you and your family. I can’t imagine what you are going thru . Again, my deepest sympathies you and your husband.

Dear Damions grandma, I am so sorry for your loss. Iknow and feel your pain. When people tell me "be glad you never really got to know your grandchildren because they were infants", I tell them death at any age is devasting and the love and joy you have for grandchildren do not know age boundaries.

Alecia, I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely little daughter, Ava. And how she died would make me very angry too and not to be able to talk about it due to legal matters would only make it that much harder. If this day care lady already had a history of violating daycare rules and regulations, why was she allowed a license? And then to add insult to injury of someone else claiming your child on their taxes is just outrageous and unbelievable! I am so sorry your family has to endure all of this pain. I am a grandmother who has had to bury two grandchildren so I can empathize somewhat with your pain and agony. I found that the first year was the toughest because of the “firsts”. By that I mean the first Christmas, the first birthday, etc. But you still always remember your child and always love them and they will be with you forever no matter how years go on. I just know that the horrific, awful sting of pain does lessen with time. But there are times when you still get overwhelmed with grief and it is okay. Just let the tears flow. I too worried about my daughter and her husband’s marriage when they first lost their children two years apart, but they have a very strong marriage and have two other children. They too decided not to let these deaths tear them apart as it often does. On April 11th, would have been my grandson’s 16th birthday. He was stillborn. His death too was unexpected and I believe in my heart, preventable. The doctors could never give us a reason why he died, as the pregnancy was very normal. I still can feel the pain of losing him that horrific day and all the events that followed. But eventually the days do get better with time. I am very thankful that you are taking a stand in the name of children especially when it comes to day care laws. These laws can never be strict enough. We MUST protect our children at all costs. Just stand your ground with your daughter in your mind as you do so. If I were in your shoes and someone got angry at me about trying to change laws, I would turn it around and gently ask them how they would feel if it was their child or grandchild that was hurt or worse yet, died in a day care setting. I did check out your website and what a beautiful little girl Ava was. Also, I feel your website should be very helpful to everyone when it comes to questions to ask before anyone places their child in a day care. I feel you must tell your family that you have to talk about Ava and the trial, the bill and now the IRS. You need to vent and I pray they will let you do this. I pray your family is close enough for this to happen. Tell them you are truly happy for the new babies but you are still missing yours and you need to talk about her. It keeps Ava’s memory alive. Ava is always going to be part of your family. We, at times, talk about Conner and Jacy and that way there isn’t a wall between all of us. It doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Also, is there any way you and your husband can just get away for a short while and take a vacation? Even 3 or 4 days? My daughter and husband did this and it did help. Just get away from everyone and all that reminds you of what is going on. My prayers have been with you since I read your very moving story yesterday. You and your husband really do have a lot to carry. My sincere blessings upon you.

I am so very sorry for your losses. I know and understand your losses and how deep that pain goes. I’ve lost grandparents and two grandchildren. Your little boy knew how much he was loved by the tenderness you showed him while he was here with you and how important that was. He showed you how he felt with his smiles to you. Those memories will never leave you and you will cherish those memories in years to come as you do those of your grandfather. I know how much you are missing your little one. It hurts beyond all hurts. Thank you for sharing for story. I will say a prayer for you today.

First let me say I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It is a pain that goes so deep and hurts so bad that some days it may feel like some one has reached inside you and ripped your heart out. I am a grandmother who has lost two grandchildren so our family has felt your pain and knows your sorrow. My first loss was my 2nd born grandchild who was stillborn. My daughter's pregnancy was normal and there wasn't any reason for Conner (the baby) to be stillborn but something went horribly wrong at birth. It was such a shock for our family. We all were numb for weeks to follow. You dreams of that child die with them. You always wonder what that child would have done in life and what they would have looked like and what their personality would have been, and etc. I still to this day when I hear his name, Conner, look at that child "just because". But with our faith we slowly moved on but that doesn't mean we have forgotten him. He will always be a part of our family as Markay will be yours. I pray you are able to get pregnant again one day and you will have a healthy and happy baby to love, cherish and play with. And do not feel guilty in doing so. You are not trying to replace Markay because you can never replace one child with another but you are just wanting another child. And your family will love that child too while always remembering Markay. By the way, I love that name. Your pain is very raw right now and I know from experience it hurts so bad that there are days you can hardly breathe. Don't push it. Take time for yourself. You must grieve and let the tears flow. I hope you have a friend that will let you just talk about Markay. That also helps. I know not many people are comfortable about letting one talk about their child that has died but if you can find just one friend, that really helps. I was blessed to have a friend like that. She would just sit and listen. She didn't know what to say but just her listening to me really helped. My prayers are with you and your family.

I am sorry for your loss. No, you will never stop loving your child and no one should expect you stop caring or thinking about her. I am sorry that people let you down several years ago. I would hope that you have a friend that is willing to listen to you talk about her. It is important that you do. You need to tell someone about what is in your heart. Your little girl is important to you. Do you have a pastor you can talk to? I deeply empathize with you. My prayer is with you. Sherry

I am so sorry for your loss. Your daughter sounded light a beautiful person and someone I would have like to have known. What makes this hurt even more, I am sure, is the fact that your granddaughter lives so far away and you will not get a chance to possibly spend as much time with her as you would like. I watched my own daughter go thru grief in her losses. You are right. It is the worse pain a parent can go thru in talking to her. I have been very blessed in the fact that my grandchildren are here. I do hope you are able to find comfort in other family and friends that are near you. I also hope you are able to talk often to your granddaughter by phone. Maybe, as you gets a little older, you will be able to make much contact also thru letters, photos, and videos and may this, in some way, ease the pain of the loss of your daughter. Maybe one day you can make some sort of a story book for your little granddaughter telling her all about her special mom since she is so young and didn't get the chance to get to know her mom. Maybe in some small way this will be healing for you too. I know this hurts beyond all hurts right now and I just pray that God will wrap His arms around you and bring you comfort. Sherry

In looking at your daughter's picture, what a little sweetheart and you gave her a beautiful name. I am so very, very sorry for you loss. First of all I think you told your story beautifully. I am a grandma who has lost two grandchildren. When we lost our second one I became so angry that at times I didn't know what to do. I would plunge myself into my work whether that would be at home or at my job. It just didn't seem fair to me. I am sure that is how you are feeling too right now. You will have many griefing stages. I went thru a stage wondering if there was something that maybe I could have done that would have change the outcome? I now know that I had no control over that but I did go thru a guilt stage. Then I wondered if I did something wrong and God was punishing me and took my daughter's children? And I know that isn't how God works. But I wasn't thinking straight. We often blame ourselves in situations such as these and we are not to blame. I did eventually find peace, joy, and faith thru God once again but I had to work thru many things. Your daughter sounds like she gave you much joy and love and THAT is what you need to remember one day. I know right now the pain is almost overbearing but one day the memories will give you peace. Just remember to give yourself time to grief properly. Cry when you need to cry and laugh when you need to laugh. And find a friend who will allow you to talk about your daughter and who will be comfortable with you doing that. I have a friend who just lost her 10 month old daughter to another type of cancer and she is getting involved in trying to find help in finding a cure for children with cancer. It makes her feel like she is doing something for her daughter. You may want to think about something like this. Again, my deepest sympathy to you and your family. My heart just broke and tears flowed as I read your story. Please take care of yourself.